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Monday, August 10, 2015

#Microblog Mondays: "Oh, I Want to Adopt, Too!"



We took our first trip to Buy Buy Baby as expectant parents trying to suss out what to make of the overwhelming mass of baby gear floor to ceiling... fodder for a litany of other posts, but one thing kind of stood out to me. 

The young woman (barely out of her teens young) who walked around and helped us with our choices when it came to strollers, car seats, and pack n plays was....interesting. 

Because I don't have a belly that looks pregnant (when wearing clothes that fit, har har), I felt the need to say "we're adopting" to pretty much anyone who tried to help us in any way shape or form, so that we weren't confused with people shopping for someone else. I wanted it to be clear that the expectant parents in this shopping spree WERE US.

When I said it to our helper, she said, 

"Oh! I want to adopt too!" 

Which is fine on its own, but then became...

"But I want to have my own kids first, you know? [Of course you do.] And then adopt, like, a THIRD child. Is it expensive? I hear it's expensive." 

I should have let Bryce end it with "Yeah, it's REALLY expensive," but I was still being nice at this point. So I was all That's nice and There's sliding scales and There's many ways to adopt, some of which can be quite affordable, but Yes it is a costly process, for us. 

Then she really laid her egg. 

"Oh, I want to adopt internationally. From Africa? [Managed not to inform her that Africa is a continent, not a country.] Because, you know, I see those really sad TV commercials? And I don't want to just send in money, you know?" 

Couldn't help it... "So you want to raise a child for 18 years instead?" [Not said: after you've conveniently had your biological children, probably with little regard for this child's culture of origin or unique emotional and physical needs... the list goes on and on...]

"Yeah! EXACTLY." 

OH MY GOD IN HEAVEN. Please let this NOT be the person helping us when we go back to finish registering. 

Want to read more #Microblog Mondays? Go here and enjoy!

15 comments:

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    1. Yup, Ugh just about sums it up. I sincerely hope we get someone else when we go again tomorrow.

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  2. oh boy, haha! She'll probably change her mind as she gets older though, I think it just looks like a cool thing to do at the moment because of Angelina & Brad, Madonna etc etc!

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    1. Seriously. It so felt like a trend, a fad, and not something she thought about whatsoever other than, "wow, how awesome would it be to one-up the people who donate money." Maybe there's a kernel of earnestness there, but it was hard to see it through the bizarre statements she made.

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  3. Wow. That goes beyond clueless. It's annoying when people treat adoption as a novelty. BTW, even with a nine month bump, I still felt like I didn't belong in Buy Buy Baby.

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    1. Yes, yes to clueless AND novelty. Ugh. Ha, I have heard that... Buy Buy Baby is such a weird little microcosm. I want to not want to hyperventilate there, but there's so much trauma associated with getting to this point that I think I just have to do everything there in little increments. I'm sure there's a fair number of people who feel the same! :)

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  4. Yikes. It sounds like you rolled with her comments as annoying as they were but it also sounds like this person could use a little more training or at least tact. Understandably she's young and naive but still. I do hope she isn't there next visit or I'd ask for someone else haha Have fun shopping!

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    1. I tried, for sure. Definitely she was young and naive. We aren't going near that area, and don't have as many questions about all the other stuff, so hopefully we can avoid her! Thanks, hopefully next shopping trip is less overwhelming. :)

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  5. I agree with feeling annoyed when people treat adoption like a novelty. There are very real people involved in this process all around. Ugh. Sounds like you handled the situation with tact.

    Did you guys register for a bunch of stuff or was this more of a scouting trip to get ideas of what you would like to get? Do you have a theme in mind? Baby planning details please! :)

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    1. I tried really hard to be nice and tactful, even though it was a little hard! This was somewhat a scouting trip and meant to cover the big items that would require the most questioning and decision-making. Stay tuned, next post is all about the registering and whatnot! :)

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  6. Be proud of yourself that you didn't excoriate her on the spot. Your vitriolic younger sister (moi) would have done that, and probably made a horrific scene in the process. Seriously, this person works in a baby products store????!!!!

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    1. Unfortunately, people have very interesting ideas about adoption. We just tried not to let it ruin our trip (it didn't, but it was memorable...). No need for scenes on such a wondrous day! :)

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  7. I meant to comment earlier as this post got under my skin--as someone who has worked in international development for 10 years trying to actually improve the lives of people in developing countries this neocolonial attitude drives me crazy (while fully understanding there's a whole neocolonial aspect of my field). But why this nitwit of a girl thinks that she'd do a better job raising an "African" baby than the child's mother/father/grandmother/aunt is beyond me. That is not to say that I have a problem with international adoption, I absolutely don't, but only when it's done with thoughtfulness and love, not because they think they're helping these poor people out of a jam, or whatever her rationale is. Ugh.

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  8. Oh, good heavens. It sounds like she almost went down the list of "Things NOT Say/Common Misperceptions" about adoption. Ugh. Sorry that you had to deal with that.

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  9. Oh, my.

    And sigh.......

    Glad you got someone else on the return trip!

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