after so much loss and disappointment,
and moving on
to a pee-stick-free pathway,
Seeing just one lonely line
still
hurts.
Even when that one line
is what I needed
(and expected)
to get to
peace of mind
in the form
of a pillpack.
For a crazy nanosecond
I actually believed
I could have a miracle...
Despite
everything I know.
But I know that
my miracle
is waiting for me
not through a double line
on a pee-soaked stick
but through a future call on the line
that will change my life
far more than any
pink or blue
line in a window
ever did.
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I hate that one line. You're right, years ago someone once told me (though my sobs) that a child may come to me but not THROUGH me. She was right.
ReplyDeleteThat one line hurts no matter what. Sending you a big hug!
ReplyDeleteOne really is the hardest number. Sending a hug. I love the end of the poem.
ReplyDeleteIt's such a bittersweet moment. You want it negative so you can move forward, but man, wouldn't it be awesome if your dreams could just come true now, not later.
ReplyDeleteTime seems to be flying by, I know you're over a month away, but I'm looking forward to the home study update!
Even knowing my husband has a zero sperm count, every now and then I almost dare to hope. My period can be very sparodic. Just recently, I went 3 months with no sign of aunt flo. Finally, I decided after one more week, I would take a pregnancy test, even thought I knew better. But then she showed up 2 days later, so I didn't have to go through with it. But seriously, I think that tiny seed of hope is always there, no mater where you are in the healing process.
ReplyDeleteAbiding with you, Jess. I remember how hard this is. Big hugs.
ReplyDeleteEven when we expect the one line, it's hard to dismiss that burst of hope. And so it still hurts. I understand. Even when you're comfortable with the next, exciting stage.
ReplyDelete