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One of them was, "What would you like a prospective birth mother to know about you?"
It felt like an audition of sorts, like something to gauge what your profile would look like ostensibly before you may even know what a profile is (that Shutterfly book that I am by turns really excited to put together and really terrified to put together, that is an encapsulation of you and your husband and your home and the life you hope to provide to the expectant mother's unborn child, that is placed in front of her along with others so that she and possibly her family may choose adoptive parents...but no pressure).
We live kind of a quiet life. I mean, we love hiking, and cooking, and music, and reading, and traveling to Maine and Vermont for hiking (and cooking, and reading)... but when I first wrote up our answer to that question and put it in front of Bryce for approval, the purple pen I'd given him for editing had scrawled,
Are we boring? We sound boring....
I was like, we are NOT boring, we're just...quiet (and then I added in some more exciting verbs). We don't go ziplining in the Amazon, we don't take trips to Napa (not that we wouldn't have loved to, it's just that we've been dealing with the whole MASSIVE INFERTILITY thing and now are focusing on adoption, so wine tours in central California take a bit of a backseat...), we aren't sports fans, we aren't clubbers (although I would think that would count against you), we aren't a part of any major organizations.
What we are is stable, desperately in love, literary, musical, lovers of good food, adventurous out in the woods, if not in the world. That has to have value, right? Somewhere out there, there has to be a future birth mother who is seeking loving bookworms who enjoy the outdoors and listening to Baroque music and playing their instruments while they wait for the homemade tortilla soup to thicken, right?
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You both are going to be great parents. Just keep up the faith..
ReplyDeleteThank you!
DeleteWell if y'all are boring, then so are we! It must be so hard to put into words all the longing and love you will give. Good luck putting it all together!
ReplyDeleteHA! I think we have a lot of kindred spirits out there, which is comforting. :) Thanks for your thoughts!
DeleteMost people I know, by your definition, are boring. I think boring is good. Love of outdoors, compassionate and kind, love of literature, love of learning, love of exploring. I understand why you'd want to sound more exciting, but from my vantage point, you are anything but boring. The ideal parents, in fact...
ReplyDeleteThanks so much, I'd like to think we are, too...but when you put your quiet existence on paper it can be a little sobering to see just how quiet it is. Educational for sure... so that's got to be in our favor! Thanks for thinking we're not boring. :)
DeleteFor what it's worth, I'd be drawn to your profile for all you stated. Even though it may not sound exciting, stability is a big thing and you have it in spades.
ReplyDeleteAnd congratulations on completing the application!!!! HUGE deal and worth celebrating that milestone.
Oh good, thank you! We find ourselves exciting, but it's not universally exciting, you know? Thanks for the congrats! We completed the thing in February, but now we're doing all the paperwork stuff and next is the Autobiography, which got me thinking on that scary question on the application. So much introspection necessary!
DeleteYou guys sound a lot like us, and I don't think we're boring at all. Maybe we're not living a glamourous, adventurous life. But... I don't know... there's room for all types in the world. Even the Bilbo Baggins types who like home, a comfortable chair, and a good book.
ReplyDeleteSo well put... I could do worse than to be a hobbit. :) Your description sounds like what I'd love right now.
DeleteStability, home-cooking, a love of nature, and lots and lots of love - that's what birth mothers want for their children. If you could throw in a pony, you'd be perfect.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much! I am terrified of ponies, actually. :) Horseback riding is not in our future... unless some little person desperately wants to try it out. I loved the idea of it until I got on a horse and have been not a fan ever since. I'm glad we sound appealing even if we feel less than thrilling! Thanks for the confidence boost.
DeleteI'm smiling because I remember having similar discussions. And you nailed it. By being yourself, you WILL find your match. A match that fits.
ReplyDeleteI'm sure that we can't be only ones who face insecurity when going through this process... :) I hope for that right match, because we don't really know how to be anyone other than ourselves. It works pretty well for us! :)
DeleteI felt the same way when we filled out our paperwork. We aren't boring, just quiet. I think there are birth mom's out there looking for that. Good luck!
ReplyDeleteThank you so much! I can only hope that we catch someone's eye for all the right reasons and can sort of be the dream, in our own quiet way. I would choose someone like us if I was in that position, so hopefully there are other bookish hikers out there looking for a similar existence for their child. Thanks for the good wishes!
DeleteYou got it,sister. Stability, books, music, nature. :) All good things!
ReplyDeleteThanks, lady!
DeleteAll great comments here. It can feel intimidating putting yourself out there. Your hubby's response is valid and normal. It is kind of weird seeing yourself on paper like that and a person may feel vulnerable. But find strength and confidence in knowing who you are individually and as a couple. Let your light shine and be yourself. There are all kinds of birth mothers out there and you never know what in your profile will speak to them of home, love and family. Someone will see something in you all that will give them comfort in finding their baby a home with loving parents.
ReplyDeleteThank you Jamie! It is definitely an exercise in vulnerability. I do think there's someone out there looking for a life like ours for their unborn child. We have so much to give, even if it's not terribly thrilling. Thanks for your thoughts!
DeleteYup, we too are boring! I don't think it's a bad thing. :)
ReplyDeleteWe have chosen to take the approach of being true to ourselves. And the hope is that by being true to ourselves, a birth mother will chose us for the right reasons and her expectations will be aligned with our reality.
Yes. I agree completely! Right reasons, and expectations aligning with reality. Perfectly said. :)
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