Follow me on the crazy, hopeful, discouraging, funny, and ultimately successful (one way or another) path to parenthood while facing infertility.

Friday, February 6, 2015

In the Time of the Butterflies

Once upon a time, there was a couple who wanted a baby more than anything else in the world. And they tried, and tried, and tried to make that happen with a pregnancy.

Once, they were successful--a normal pregnancy with normal HCG beta numbers and a genuinely happy call. And it looked like this:


They celebrated their good fortune with a walk in a nature park that was chock full of butterflies. They had joy and hope in their hearts.

Sadly, it was not to be. A short week later things ended, with a gush of lost hope and a strung-along bed rest that did not lead to a successful pregnancy. And that was the last time that there was a good news call.

They tried, and tried, and tried to make that moment come back again. Each time it failed. Then it seemed to fail more miserably, and new problems cropped up where there were none before. Injections became harder, bad news became the norm, and a dark, dark cloud settled over their hope.

But the couple made a decision. Was pregnancy the end-all be-all? Could they have a baby and add to their family of two without that experience? Were they chasing a pregnancy at the cost of parenthood? They decided enough was ENOUGH. Two canceled cycles in a row clinched it.

After days of crying (and years of mourning in advance), a deep peace settled over the couple. They decided that they were okay with letting go of the belly and the ultrasounds and the birth. They decided that what they couldn't let go of was becoming parents. Being a mom. Being a dad. Having a home filled with the joyful noise and chaos of children.

And so they completed the 22-page application for the adoption agency they had chosen over a year ago but kept tucked away, back-of-mind, until now. They spent the better part of a snow day plowing through the questions and the information gathering and the short answer philosophical questions that they felt super prepared for due to reading a number of excellent books on adoption and open adoption and exploring this option through blogs and friends who had gone before.

This week, they went from being people striving for a pregnancy and failing miserably to people who are officially registered with an adoption agency and have the first of many meetings regarding home study paperwork next week. (Ironically, in Buffalo.) They became expectant parents. They became people who no longer live in the fog of infertility treatments that did not work, but people who are turning to face the sun and embrace new possibilities. It may be a year, it may be longer... but at the end of this new journey, they will be parents.

And it looked like this:


Their smiles are just as big, if not bigger, than in the time of the butterflies. There is more hope in their hearts. There is more joy overflowing and spilling over onto friends and family (who, by the way, seem utterly thrilled at this turn in the road). They could not be happier than to be done with a process that did not work, and stop fighting against bodies that did not cooperate. Because now, now there is true promise. These are the smiles of parents-to-be who truly believe that their hope will end in lasting joy, finally.

And so I will not say The End, because it is really The Beginning. And times could not be more exciting.

21 comments:

  1. I am so happy to read this- I can feel the joy! I'm really looking forward to hearing how everything progresses! I am so happy for you guys!!!

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    1. Thank you so much! We appreciate your happiness! :)

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  2. My love and thoughts have been with you both this week and I am thrilled that you have filed your paperwork with the agency.
    Aussie

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    1. Thank you so much! We appreciate your love and thoughts so much.

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  3. So excited for you! Can't wait to continue to learn from your journey.

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    1. Thank you so much! We appreciate your excitement!

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  4. Such a beautiful post! Happy for you and your new beginning! You look incredible...certainly like the dark cloud had lifted! A hundred thousand hugs and well wishes to you as you embark on this phase of your journey!

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    1. Thank you so much for the hugs and the well wishes. I FEEL lighter, happier... it's amazing.

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  5. I absolutly adore this! We found so much hope when we turned to adoption - hope that we so desperatly needed back in our lives. The waiting is hard, the hurdles are frustrating, but I am so confident that it will be worth it in the end!! Love to you as you start this new journey!

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    1. Thank you! We are so happy to be in a place of hope and anticipation, and we know things won't be rosy shiny all the time, but for now we just bask in that glow of... AHHHHHHH. A new beginning! :) Thank you for the love and support!

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  6. Sweet girl, I'm just overflowing with warmth for you and B, teary and happy. Such a hopeful post. Such a wonderful future awaits you. yay!!! xoxox

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    1. Thank you so much! We can't wait for that wonderful future. Thanks for the love!

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  7. Oh, cheers to you! This made me all teary! Continuing to follow your journey and cheer you along. This baby is going to be so fortunate to make their way into such loving arms!

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    1. Thank you so much! We are so excited to get this show on the road, it feels so much better than where we were already. We know it won't be easy, but holy crow, what a difference from the chain of NO we've been experiencing. Thanks for the love and the cheers!

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  8. You both look so beautiful. I'm so glad that you were able to quickly shift gears and that you're so happy for phase two. I'm so excited for you both!!

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    1. Aww, thanks! It's that happiness and horrible infertility cloud lifting, does wonders for the appearance. :) We appreciate your excitement and can't wait to see what comes next...

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  9. That's really lovely. Cheers!

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  10. So beautifully written as it honors your losses and celebrates a new beginning. Very much a butterfly.

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  11. Yeah! So happy to hear of your exciting news and wishing you smooth sailing on this new path to parenthood! Hugs to you both!

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  12. How did I miss this beautiful post! You made me cry because I remember those tears all too well. They are tears of healing that allow new doors to open and new chapters to begin.

    Continued thoughts of hope and love being sent your way as you continue with the adoption process. May there be good news soon.

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