Late last week Bryce and I went to the grocery store to pick up food and massive amounts of Dayquil and cough drops so he can function minimally and not cough like he's choking to death quite as much.
We were looking for a checkout line when I saw a familiar person... it was our first RE (reproductive endocrinologist), from our first clinic, who sort of counts as our first and third RE since we switched doctors after two cycles, then that doctor left for the clinic we ended our run at and so we switched back to him. There was a lot of switching things in our journey that ultimately did not make much difference except to be able to say that we tried a whole lot of different approaches.
We always had a soft spot for this doctor, though. I will say this, while I don't agree with that video that made its way around that felt very much like hope peddling to me, he never oversold us. In fact, he was the one who said things like, "I should be able to tell you why you can't get pregnant, but for as much as we know, there's so much more we don't." And "We are not quite there yet, but if you transfer those 2PNs and nothing happens, we will have the 'I think it's time to stop' conversation." Of course we just shuffled those 2PNs off to Buffalo and now they lie in Texas waiting for a more hospitable womb to take its chances, so that conversation never actually happened. Because I didn't want to hear it in part, and because we kept searching for that next great thing that could make the unworkable work.
But I actually genuinely love this guy, who tried his damndest to get us pregnant but was also willing to give some reality, too. The last time we saw him was at last year's event to raise money for the fertility preservation program they have for cancer patients of reproductive age at that clinic. We couldn't go this year because it was the day after Bryce got back from his business trip and he was already super sick. Our RE said it just wasn't the same, and while I'm sure there's some business-y element to that since we usually donate (and last year Bryce was able to do a sponsored donation that was much larger than our usual silent-auction-only payout), I totally believed that it was disappointing that we weren't there. It was crazy emotional last year, so many of the nurses that had been with us through our personal hell came up and one even teared up and started to cry, because even though we weren't successful and we ended our journey not in their care, we continue to come back and support this cause and we genuinely want to see them.
Which is pretty special.
It was hard to be asked if there was adoption news and have to reply in the negatory, but we did get props for our holiday card. Which we still send to him. I'll never forget the one time he came in for our ultrasound monitoring of some sort and our card was tucked into his tie. We had to internet stalk his address to keep it going, but thankfully that was seen as touching and not creepy. Could have gone either way, honestly. We might have boundary issues with professional relationships where we want to be best friends with everyone.
I'm sorry we didn't get to be a success story for him. I'm glad that he got to be the one to call and tell us we were pregnant, the one time it seemed so promising. I'm glad I can now acknowledge that what I thought was dream-killing talk was probably the kindest thing anyone could have done, but that I just wasn't ready to hear it. But I appreciate that he said it. I am glad he still gets a kick out of our holiday cards...never quite sure what the heck is going to be inside it any given year. God help us if we aren't parents by the holidays this year...I'm going to have to end up renting sparkle ponies or something to top last year.
But for now, I can revel in the fact that we are friends with someone who tried real hard to get us pregnant and tried to keep it real even as the quest failed miserably, and who still gives really great hugs and truly enjoys our presence, whether at events, the grocery store, or in the mail. Maybe, in a weird way, more so because we weren't a success story.
Want to read more #Microblog Mondays? Go here and enjoy!
What an emotional trip to the grocery store! I'm glad you got to see your RE, even if it is bittersweet to have these encounters. The good doctors are the ones that care for their patients, not the statistical outcomes
ReplyDeleteIt's lovely and unusual that you are friendly with this man and also that he came into your appointment with your card, which obviously means a lot to him. It amazes me, as our ART doctors here had no idea who we were from one appointment to the next. The main one that we saw took us through a failed cycle and then at the follow-up consultation suggested "something different" - the same cycle we failed. He couldn't remember our names and rarely (never) read our file. We put in a complaint about the service from all the staff and the reply subtly hinted at sour grapes because we failed - nah, I just hate really crappy customer service.
ReplyDeleteAw that's so sweet. Sounds like a good doctor. I think if I ran into my old fertility clinic doctor at the supermarket I would hide and pretend I didn't see him! We certainly don't have a hugging relationship.
ReplyDeleteVery nice that you have a special relationship with your RE. He sounds like a good doctor.
ReplyDeleteNot only a good doctor, a good person. That is a great package. Yay.
ReplyDeleteThat's wicked cool, both that you have this bond with your RE, and that you have such an amazing attitude about it. *hugs*
ReplyDeleteDoes he look like the doctor on This Is Us? In my mind he does.
ReplyDeleteCool that your connection was more than just about services rendered, and that it endures.
(I may have those types of boundary issues, too.)