We've had a great couple of weeks for getting to enjoy other people's kids.
It's funny, this falls under "things that used to make me unbearably sad after" -- I would go to a house full of kids and all I could see and feel was what I didn't have. I felt the contrast of other people's chaos and noise and sticky hands with the complete absence of all that in our home. When that was everything I wanted and I still felt it was possible, maybe, for us to have a little of that life for ourselves, it sent me into a spiral of sadness to return to our quiet.
But now, I love visiting the chaos, playing racecars and chasing and soaking in all the silliness and the giggles and sticky hugs. Sometimes parents are like, "oh you don't have to get on the floor or keep playing with her/him," because this is their reality all the time and frankly it is exhausting. For them. For us, it's a window into the life we once strove for, a way to get a glimpse of the chaos... And then go home to our quiet, peaceful life, snuggling with the cats and reading a book and having a glass of wine and going for two hour walks without having to worry about keeping to a bedtime or dinner schedule.
Which doesn't seem so empty and WITHOUT anymore, just different. I guess that's one of the gifts of resolution.
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I hope this doesn’t sound too effed up, but it’s honest...I am horrible around other people’s kids when my own kids aren’t there. I’m not mean, of course, but I’m...awkward. My time away from my own kids is a break, so I am not naturally inclined to get down on the floor to play cars or barbies or whatever. Babies, of course, are excluded from this. Give me all the babies, always. I don’t have too many situations where I’m somewhere with kids that aren’t my own, but in the few situations that I have, I’m definitely not the fun one who will play with all the kids, unless that’s specifically my job (like I’m babysitting) I am also super awkward talking to kids that aren’t mine...I know how annoying it is to be a kid asked about how they like school or their favorite subject, so I feel weird asking. Although, I think I’m just sort of socially awkward in general with people I don’t see often. Sheesh, I must sound crazy.
ReplyDeleteYou get to be the one who isn’t touched out and played out, and there is something so very beautiful in that. And I am glad you are that friend who will get on the floor and play with kids. My former friend who didn’t have have kids, she would always act like my kids were a bother, which is one of the many reasons we aren’t friends anymore. I know it means a lot to your friend that you play with her kids, even if she tells you that you don’t have to.❤️
That's not effed or horrible, not at all! I feel like I've made my career out of other people's kids. It is so true that I'm not touched out or played out.
DeleteHa! I came to comment and saw Charlotte's. I'm so bad. I love my own kid. But prior to that, I'm so not into them. And Charlotte said it right: I'm just awkward. I'm one of those people who just aren't very good with kids. Holding babies sure, but kids? Oy. So I love that you do this, because I always appreciate when someone does this with mine. :)
ReplyDeleteI think Charlotte's point of view is way more comforting than mine! Ha ha... I love getting down on the floor and being goofy with kids, but I can see how that could get super exhausting all the time. I'm glad to be a playmate-for-rent!
DeleteFunny, my daughter (almost 34) is convinced that I don't like kids. Which is not true. I absolutely adore kids. I especially adore (some) other folks' kids.
ReplyDeleteIt is fantastic that you can enjoy being with kids, getting down with them, enduring the sticky hugs and come home to embracing your life with cats, books, walks, and wine.
Yes, you got it! Enjoy them, do all the things, then return to my sanctuary appreciative of the time with them and also appreciative of my peace.
DeleteIn so reassured to read the previous comments, simply because I'm not that great around kids, simply because I've never been around them. I'm good around my nieces and nephews, because I know them and they know me, and I take real pleasure in being around them. It took me way longer than it's taken you though. Still, it makes mr happy to read this. And oh, the bliss of the quiet house and peaceful glass of wine!
ReplyDeleteI feel like I've always been around kids, and I was originally elementary certified, which is hilarious because that is so not where I prefer to be for teaching. Most of my friends had kids relatively young. It did make me super sad when we were in that limbo state, and until fairly recently, to be honest. This year is the first where I don't feel that sadness nearly as acutely, and I don't feel a sad absence. Which I guess is early, as we decided to end things just two years ago this past May. The bliss is real though! Ahhhhh. (And maybe appreciated even more after enjoying other people's chaos)
DeleteResolution has so many gifts, for sure. I've heard the term Radical Acceptance, and I love how you show here that it can lead to such a fulfilling and contented life.
ReplyDeleteAhhh, I have to look up this Radical Acceptance you speak of! Fulfilling and content, yes. Of course I just had a nightmare of sorts that made the loss feel fresh and new when I woke up, but overall I feel so much more at peace!
DeleteI will raise my hand along with several previous comments as another one who feels pretty awkward with other people's kids. I like kids but often feel a little unsure of how to interact. It's awesome that you are so great with them! It's a gift for sure and I'm so glad that you're at a point where resolution has allowed you to enjoy this.
ReplyDelete