The daycare center that we were going to send our fictional child to is on the road just before the store. I think about it every time I pass it, but I don't pass by regularly, so it doesn't exactly qualify as a stabby moment.
Except this time, we were driving past, and I missed the sign (because it's behind a church and that sign is clearly visible, while the daycare sign is one of those folded board things).
"That's the daycare where we were going to send our child," I said and pointed back towards the woodsy play area.
"Oh? What's it called?"
"It's called...It's called...ummmmmm... Rich something?"
HOLY CRAPADOODLE DOO. I forgot the name.
I kept searching my mental files for it, and all I could remember was Rich.
My friend asked, "Does that make you upset?"
I grinned. I laughed. I CACKLED.
"NO! I am THRILLED that I forgot the name! I FORGOT THE NAME OF THE DAYCARE WE NEVER SENT A CHILD TO BECAUSE THAT CHILD DIDN'T ACTUALLY EXIST FOR US! This is a freaking MILESTONE!"
Even though 3 minutes later I did remember, sort of (Bates Rich, but then later Bryce reminded me that this location was called Rich Beginnings, so I still felt giddy about not remembering), it felt AMAZING.
Once upon a time I held on to all these tiny details that pricked me like a thousand needles, and I carried them as if they were tiny, yet heavy, poisonous treasures. The fact that I am beginning to forget means that I am letting go of some of that information I no longer have to hold on to; it is irrelevant to my present life. I mourned it, I mourned it HARD, but now this particular piece can be released from my mind and my heart.
I have never been so happy to forget something.
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Oh wow! Yes, I remember that feeling of holding on hard to the details. The joy of forgetting is wonderful!
ReplyDeleteWow! What a vibrant piece. I forgot, words that could be mistaken as sad could bring so much joy. I'm still at the point where I hold on to details... what color i wanted the nursery to be, the theme of the baby shower, the songs played at the funeral...things that still prick my heart. Your post gives me hope that after I have mourned it won't hurt as much and that i too could forget some details. Thank you.
ReplyDeleteLove this, Jess! Way to live the life you have joyously and with presence <3.
ReplyDeleteAw yes. Shit, that must have been an amazing feeling, Jess. <3
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