Tuesday, July 31, 2018

I HATE FLYING

I don't know when it happened, exactly (oh, probably not long after 9/11), but I absolutely hate flying. I would rather drive for days than fly, which is not logical whatsoever because it's far more likely that you'll have a terrible car accident than have a terrible plane accident. Maybe it's a control thing -- I am driving the car, I have this illusion that I have the power to avoid horrible things, and although there's a lot more vehicular accidents I would bet a lot more people survive car accidents whereas a plane accident? That's usually a tragedy of terrifying scale. 

I used to fly frequently to visit my dad, a big transcontinental flight from NYC to LA every year. But that was when there were fewer restrictions on your liquids, and shoes, and carry-on items (I mean, I brought my VIOLIN with me with minimal stress) and checking baggage wasn't a sign of weakness. 

But now I hate it, and I am heading into my first solo flight in over ten years to go visit a longtime friend in Nashville...tomorrow. The last time I flew solo was actually to go visit her in Brooklyn when I was first dating Bryce. I flew JetBlue and it was a gloriously short direct flight but it suffered a delay getting back into Rochester that involved me getting hit on by an Australian Elvis impersonator and not getting in until 3 in the morning (those things are unrelated). Bryce didn't have a cell phone then. That was the moment when he realized the value of being able to take a call in an airport. The fact that he stayed was a harbinger that we were going to last. 

The time before that was when my dad flew me out for a week after the horrible (and yet in retrospect wonderful) revelations about my marriage, and I was so grief-stricken and shell-shocked that honestly I didn't care about turbulence or delays or possible in-flight disasters. I was probably a nightmare to sit next to.

So now, in this Summer Of Doing The Things, I am finally going to go visit my friend I've known since college but really became tight with when we worked together in children's publishing, a woman who I can have a phone date with after months of silence and end up yakking away for upwards of three hours. I always said, "I should come visit you!" but never really thought it would be a possibility, and then this summer I decided WHY NOT? We're not taking a big trip, I'm tutoring a bit, and it seems like the timing is perfect. I am so excited, and she's so excited, I've never been to Nashville, and we haven't spent more than a few hours at a wedding together in probably a decade, so this is going to be awesome. 

I leave tomorrow. On a plane. By myself. And I. Am. FREAKING OUT. 

First, I can't find my packing cubes. If you are unfamiliar with the joys of the packing cube, acquaint yourself! They are miracle accessories that help you Tetris your way to a highly organized suitcase and make it far more likely that you will fit all your shit into a carry-on. I discovered them around the California trip and I'll never go back...except I CAN'T FIND THEM. They are not in my suitcase. They are not under the bed. They are missing, and I am starting to hyperventilate. 

Second, I got a text alert about weather in NYC. Like, "A Delta Waiver has been issued due to weather that may affect your travel. To rebook, search for alternate flights via blah blah delta website blah blah." WHAT DOES THIS MEAN???
For 50% thunderstorms?
No weather advisory or warning or anything?
And it DIDN'T say "heavy rain" twenty minutes ago. 

I called to see what that means, and if I should reroute through a different connection, but the wait time is 34-48 minutes. They are calling me back. Goody, 34-48 minutes to perseverate about how this trip is clearly DOOMED between the Case of the Missing Packing Cubes and the Mystery of the Vague Weather Alert. 

When I booked the flight, I sprung for the Economy Plus option to give me priority boarding, seat selection, the option to have a glass of wine, and peace of mind. I hate the boarding process, the cattle-to-slaughter feel of it all, and all I want to do when it's close to flying time is GET ON THE PLANE and open my book and settle in to my new cramped space in a flying object that I hope will sustain my life for a few hours at ridiculously high altitude. It was worth it to me. But now I wonder...if I have to rebook, will I lose that? I also managed to book flights that did not involve getting up ridiculously early or flying in the middle of the night -- is that now possibly endangered? 

And, to top it off, in the time I've been writing this and checking flight info and weather info and generally feeling my heart rate skyrocket and my pulse lodge itself in my eyeballs, the radio station on downstairs CHOSE THIS MOMENT to do a test of the Emergency Broadcast System. 

Maybe I should go read my book until the Delta agent calls me back. Maybe I should continue the search for the missing packing cubes. Maybe I should position myself facedown on the floor of my office. 

This is all just normal 21st Century flying nonsense, right? This is not some kind of harbinger of a fiery plummet into the Appalachians? 

Thanks for virtually holding my hand as I basically spew my anxiety into the web. Breathe with me and tell me it's going to be okay. What are your tips for reducing flight anxiety? 

22 comments:

  1. Holy shit lady!! I hate flying too, but this trip is making my heartrate soar! I’m glad you’re talking to an agent given the vague message. Ask all the questions.

    Regarding the cubes, can you just buy more? Yes to being a pain, but sanity trumps all at the moment.

    May all be smooth very soon.

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    1. It is really causing me so much stress! And now that I have the flight situated, the lack of packing cubes is still throwing me, because all of my travel bottles are IN WITH THE CUBES. I used them last in D.C., so I'm not sure where they could have gone since May. I bought this set off Amazon, and it's perfect, but maybe I will do a Target run and see what I can find (and get new plastic travel bottles, argle). One bump done, one to go!

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  2. Ahhh Jess!! Deep breath! It will be ok! I love to fly, but I am married to someone who does not. He is a basket case when it comes to flying, and the first time we flew together we were literally flying clear across the country to get married, and the flight with him was so bad it made me question my choice of partner.
    I have only ever been on one trip where I flew by myself, about 10 years ago. I felt a little lost getting through security and navigating airports alone, but other than that it was kind of nice.
    So clearly I have no advice to offer except maybe some liquid courage. Something strong. But don’t mix meds and liquor ala Kristen Wigg in Bridesmaids.

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    1. Ah, I think your husband and I are of like minds! I'll be fine once it's all in motion. It's just so freaking stressful to do all the before stuff. Once I get on the plane, and we're in the air, and there's no turbulence, and I've landed...ha ha ha! I'll be fine then. :)

      I am ALWAYS thinking about Kristen Wigg in Bridesmaids! I won't take any meds for that very reason, that and I don't want to feel even a little incapacitated in case there is a problem. What that problem is I'm imagining is beyond me, but flying alone I think I'll go champagne rather than ativan. Ha

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  3. UPDATE: I did reroute my flight, through Atlanta, which was thankfully no cost to do, kept my aisle seat (so I a) don't have to wake someone to pee and b) won't get sucked through a window), and shortened my travel time.

    The packing cubes, though, are STILL missing.

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    1. Here’s hoping for finding packing cube and a quick, uneventful flight! I may just have to write about that crazy flight with husband now. (The only time we have flown together.)

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  4. My husband hate flying and yet he is the one that does it all of the time for work! Glad you were able to reroute your flight and shortening your travel time is a good perk as well. Do you NEED the packing cubes? How long are you going to be in Nashville? If it is just for a long weekend you won't need to bring that much stuff.

    HAVE A GREAT TIME!!!

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    1. I found the packing cubes! They were "relocated" by Bryce in a fit of "organization." I was there for 5 days, and needed to pack a couple dresses, casual outfits, and in retrospect way more dressy-casual type things. But the cubes were found, and I survived!

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  5. I will be virtually on the flight with you, reminding you to breathe. You can do this. Remember, I just did this and you were my cheerleader. It's time to return the favour. It's awful, but you will get through it. And enjoy the time with your friend once you land!

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    1. Thank you! I thought of you as I got launched into the air, and again as we landed. My two least favorite parts (unless there's turbulence, then THAT becomes my least favorite part). I breathed (and probably scared passengers around me because I was REALLY INTENT on breathing), and I made it! And it was a lovely visit. Thank you!

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  6. Hahaha the Elvis impersonator and getting there at 3 am: "those things are unrelated." I am sorry you hate flying, but I just love your writing. "Cattle-to-slaughter feel of it all"--I will never not think of this now when I am boarding.

    I am breathing with you and it is going to be okay.

    I actually hate traveling, which makes all those "Well now you can travel!" comments especially annoying to me. I reeeally have to make myself pack and get to where I'm going, and I really don't like any of the process. Except when I get there. Once I'm there and I've had time to take a moment and kind of sort of settle myself, I am so glad I'm there. And once you're in Nashville with your friend, you are going to be so glad too! Push yourself through the noise, chatter, and aggravation of traveling, and you will be rewarded with a much longer than 3 hour conversation with your friend. You will be rewarded with quality time with her and a sense of personal accomplishment. <3

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    1. Thanks! There are always funny stories, it seems...this time was the flight from Nashville to Atlanta on the way home where I sat next to an adult Eagle Scout who sang to me on takeoff and landing in songs themed to what was going on "You're all right," "Shake It Up Baby," and sat super uncomfortably close to me even though we had comfort + seats with extra space. Good times. :) I made it though, both ways, and security was super easy (I was worried about that) and I read three books along the way, and the visit was terrific! I put my big girl panties on for sure. :)

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  7. Sorry your flight prep has been so stressful. I’m sure the real thing will be ok. But by any chance are you another petson who follows along with the emergency presentation in the booklet and counts the rows to the exit door? I am lol.

    We have a good airline, WestJet, that focuses on customer service and sing silly songs and tell jokes. It helps lol.

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    1. HA! I am TOTALLY rapt when they do the presentation about seat belts and exits and oxygen masks... I did not look at the safety card though because I didn't want to see pictures of people fleeing a flaming airplane, or landing in the ocean. Even though my flight was totally landlocked. Oooh, silly songs and jokes would be amazing. Everyone was pretty straight-laced on the flights.

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  8. Ha! (those things are unrelated).

    By now you are probably at a ridiculously high altitude with your life sustained for the duration. I am thinking of you, and excited for you to get the payoff of having a FUN TIME WITH YOUR FRIEND in Nashville.

    May the travel gods be with you.

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    1. :)

      Yes, I did it! I survived all of the flights, and a reroute, and multiple delays on the way home that involved sitting in a hot airplane forever. It was a really fun time, and I am so grateful for all of you cheering me on and helping me breathe my way through it!

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  9. I hope your flight was uneventful, and that you’re having a great visit.

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    1. Yes! It was uneventful on the way down at least, and the visit was lovely. Delays on the way back, but I guess it's to be expected, and better to be when I'm no longer so nervous than on the way there! :)

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  10. Oops - you'll be away now, but I join the others in bowing down at your mastery of story-telling with the "those things are unrelated" aside.

    After experiencing a strike of ground staff and a rerouted plane in India (I must blog about it), I've learned with travel that this is a case when, once you've done everything possible, you can only breathe deeply, and go with the flow. All the "what-ifs" only torture you and make you feel worse.

    I hope you're having a wonderful time.
    I hope you found the packing cubes - I love mine. Though I never go with only carry-on, but perhaps that's because a) we fly long-haul and go away for longer periods of time, and b) I'm not American (I've never been able to understand why Americans are so freaked out by the idea of checking their luggage in, and so lug onboard enormous suitcases and bags, making the boarding process much more stressful and chaotic)!

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    1. Isn't the carry-on thing funny? I did find my packing cubes, and while they weren't the smaller ones meant for my carry-on, they worked. I thought of your statement about boarding every time I hoisted my raspberry carry-on suitcase up into the bin, and watched everyone similarly hoisting and stuffing and turning and adjusting so everything fit. I think for me it's a fear of losing the luggage, and also the time waiting for the carousel if it's a small trip. Although we did check baggage on our California trip, and that was glorious! Longer flights I think we'll always check baggage. Plus the whole liquids thing is crazy, I don't know how I'm supposed to ever have enough shampoo and makeup and hair product and moisturizers and SPF and whatnot with those limitations, and I don't really have all that much of that stuff!

      Please do blog about the rerouted plane in India fiasco, sounds terrifying and interesting.

      I am proud that I earned a travel badge with this trip, I flew and ubered all by myself and didn't have an anxiety attack on the plane!

      Thanks!

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  11. UPDATE UPDATE: I survived and made it through my flights! Thank you for the breathing and holding of hands. ❤️

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  12. I am late to the party (??!) but glad you survived!! I don't HATE flying, but I don't love it either. Dh is not a very good flyer, which is probably my biggest flight-related pain. ;)
    His crabby gene seems to kick in the moment we set foot in an airport. ;) They sure do everything they can to make it a pain these days, it seems. I am lucky that you can get from Toronto to almost any major city in Canada or the U.S. direct without transfers... I think that would add a whole other level of stress to travelling. Re: weather delays, we've had some delays, but in well over 30 years of heading to Manitoba at Christmastime, we've only had ONE flight outright cancelled because of weather, and that was the big ice storm we had here a few years ago. In that case, I was able to rebook immediately on the next scheduled flight out that morning -- got the last two seats available -- there were delays upon delays, but we did make it home that day! Hope you are now safely home & enjoying the memories of a fun trip!

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