School has been absolutely insane lately -- the bulk of my IEP review meetings are tomorrow, and spring break starts Friday, and soon I can breathe a giant sigh of relief.
Last week was weird... Tuesday in particular. First, that was the day my district informed 29 teachers that they would no longer be employed after June, which is awful (and more so because 28 teachers were cut last year...we are in a budget crisis). Of those, 8.8 were special education teachers. Things are changing and I am mighty glad to be in my 11th year of teaching, as I have a pretty sizeable cushion below me.
But then there was one of the most awkward moments I've had in a long time, after school.
I walked into the library to chat with my librarian friend, and as I walked in a few of my special ed colleagues were walking out, looking at me a bit oddly. I couldn't understand why until I realized that they were leaving a baby shower...a baby shower for a colleague that I am friends with. Now, I'm not best-friends-friends with this person, we are getting to know each other better this year, but I realized that there was a baby shower...and I wasn't invited.
But a whole bunch of my colleagues, many who don't speak with this teacher directly as much, were.
I knew there was something being planned, but I thought it was small, or outside of school, because a friend of mine had an invitation a while back and I didn't, but I didn't think much of it until I walked in and felt immediately like Maleficent at Aurora's christening.
I asked my friend who I knew had an invitation, later, and she said, "oh no, it was super informal and kept really small, I'm sure it wasn't intentional."
But the spiraling thoughts just kept coming, and I started getting paranoid. Because there were so many other people I associate with at the shower, and maybe I was not invited as an oversight, but MAYBE I was not invited because people felt uncomfortable, or I would be like a dark mark on the whole thing, or people wanted to spare my feelings somehow. (I mean, this is a twin pregnancy, and it's sort of an unplanned twin pregnancy, which makes conversations sometimes a little weird, but I don't begrudge the situation at all, honest).
So I kept stewing on it until Friday, when I decided to stop in to the pregnant teacher and just let her know that I didn't skip out on her shower, I wasn't invited, so that if that was by design she could tell me and then I'd feel like less of a schmoo.
WELL. Apparently, I was "on the list," and it was overlooked, and she was feeling badly like somehow my absence meant that I was hurt and was upset by the whole thing possibly, when in fact her TA didn't give me an invitation as requested for whatever weird reason (and I don't really know her, so I doubt it's related to my bitter barrenness).
This is what I loved: I said, "I just didn't know if you didn't invite me because you didn't want me to be hurt or sensitive or something," and her response was, "NO, I wanted to invite you and then I figured you could make that decision for yourself and it would be fine either way."
What a gem this twinner prego is. So, we cleared that up, I shared some resources with her from friends that I know who had twins locally, and I found out where she's registered so I could send a gift.
All's well that ends well, but man...so awkward.
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