School has been absolutely insane lately -- the bulk of my IEP review meetings are tomorrow, and spring break starts Friday, and soon I can breathe a giant sigh of relief.
Last week was weird... Tuesday in particular. First, that was the day my district informed 29 teachers that they would no longer be employed after June, which is awful (and more so because 28 teachers were cut last year...we are in a budget crisis). Of those, 8.8 were special education teachers. Things are changing and I am mighty glad to be in my 11th year of teaching, as I have a pretty sizeable cushion below me.
But then there was one of the most awkward moments I've had in a long time, after school.
I walked into the library to chat with my librarian friend, and as I walked in a few of my special ed colleagues were walking out, looking at me a bit oddly. I couldn't understand why until I realized that they were leaving a baby shower...a baby shower for a colleague that I am friends with. Now, I'm not best-friends-friends with this person, we are getting to know each other better this year, but I realized that there was a baby shower...and I wasn't invited.
But a whole bunch of my colleagues, many who don't speak with this teacher directly as much, were.
I knew there was something being planned, but I thought it was small, or outside of school, because a friend of mine had an invitation a while back and I didn't, but I didn't think much of it until I walked in and felt immediately like Maleficent at Aurora's christening.
I asked my friend who I knew had an invitation, later, and she said, "oh no, it was super informal and kept really small, I'm sure it wasn't intentional."
But the spiraling thoughts just kept coming, and I started getting paranoid. Because there were so many other people I associate with at the shower, and maybe I was not invited as an oversight, but MAYBE I was not invited because people felt uncomfortable, or I would be like a dark mark on the whole thing, or people wanted to spare my feelings somehow. (I mean, this is a twin pregnancy, and it's sort of an unplanned twin pregnancy, which makes conversations sometimes a little weird, but I don't begrudge the situation at all, honest).
So I kept stewing on it until Friday, when I decided to stop in to the pregnant teacher and just let her know that I didn't skip out on her shower, I wasn't invited, so that if that was by design she could tell me and then I'd feel like less of a schmoo.
WELL. Apparently, I was "on the list," and it was overlooked, and she was feeling badly like somehow my absence meant that I was hurt and was upset by the whole thing possibly, when in fact her TA didn't give me an invitation as requested for whatever weird reason (and I don't really know her, so I doubt it's related to my bitter barrenness).
This is what I loved: I said, "I just didn't know if you didn't invite me because you didn't want me to be hurt or sensitive or something," and her response was, "NO, I wanted to invite you and then I figured you could make that decision for yourself and it would be fine either way."
What a gem this twinner prego is. So, we cleared that up, I shared some resources with her from friends that I know who had twins locally, and I found out where she's registered so I could send a gift.
All's well that ends well, but man...so awkward.
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It’s good you went and cleared that up instead of wondering about it. Not sure I would have been that brave lol.
ReplyDeleteRight? I was like "THIS IS WHERE I GROW A PAIR," because I was feeling so paranoid and I genuinely like this woman and didn't want her to think I'd skipped out on her. But my heart was hammering the whole damn time! :)
DeleteShe gave the perfect response, didn't she?! I'm so glad you raised it with her, not in a confrontational way, but ensuring that her feelings weren't hurt that you didn't go. Very diplomatic! I'm hoping she has a word with the TA, to find out why you didn't get your invitation.
ReplyDeleteOh, and can I also say how glad I am that you used the word "invitation" and not "invite" as a nounc, which is what I heard and read multiple times last week here (when discussing Obama's visit, and who got to go to hear him speak). It was driving me crazy! You've restored my faith in our common language. lol
Right? I was so pleasantly surprised. She is very no-nonsense and cuts right to the meat of things, no fluff (which sometimes gives people the wrong impression that she's bitchy, but she's not -- just genuine). I HATE confrontation, and I hate awkward moments, so I was real proud that I just went for it in this situation. And HA! Yes, invitation for the win. I don't dislike "invite" as a noun but wouldn't say it. It's like shortening things that don't need to be shortened. When the radio says "Nat Geo" I am like WHAT IS WRONG WITH THE OTHER SYLLABLES? SAY THE WHOLE DANG THING! Ugh. ;-)
DeleteI hate situations like this because you never really know. That said, I’m so glad you and this teacher talked. It sounds like it was a genuine mistake, given this TA’s flightiness, but it’s still completely understandable the paranoia you were feeling.
ReplyDeleteWell handled lady. Hopefully the last you’ll have to deal with
Right? So awkward, and it could have gone, "Yeah, I know, I didn't invite you," so I had to take the risk and be okay with it. Ack! I hate that paranoia. But I'm real glad I said something, especially because she thought maybe I was upset! I doubt this will be the last socially awkward baby situation I encounter, but I can hope, right?
DeleteFriggin unplanned twin pregnancies. I had a run in with one at the same time I found I was on the Island if IF.
ReplyDeleteAnyhoo, sounds like you handled it great! So much better than Maleficent. Good for you for your courage and clarity, and good for the twinner, too.
Ha! Yes, no 16th birthday spells necessary. :) Courage indeed... and I love the honesty and no-nonsense-ness of my friend. Even with the unexpected twins. (Although you have to think, getting unexpectedly pregnant with twins within the first year of marriage is quite a shock to the system, quite a turnaround in lifestyle, whipquick). But yeah, it's interesting because I can see her point but man what I wouldn't have given to have landed a set of twins sometime in the 8 years we strove for children.
DeleteYou know, one of dh's cousin's wives was pregnant at the same time I was & gave birth in late September, not quite two months after I lost my daughter. I never heard about any showers, and I've never been sure whether it's because they didn't have one for her (which I find a little hard to believe...) or whether I just wasn't invited. I am certain I would not have attended at that stage of my grief, but I would have preferred the option of knowing that I was invited and would have been welcomed, although people would have understood if I didn't come. I'm not always happy to get a shower invitation, but I'd be a whole lot less happy to know there was a shower & I specifically wasn't invited because people weren't comfortable having me around...!
ReplyDelete