Oh, Depo. Not too long ago I was singing your praises -- how you'd settled into my body rhythms, offering me once-every-12-weeks shots and then birth control I didn't have to think about any other time.
And then this last 3-month period hit.
HOLY JEEZUM. I started spotting towards the end of the previous "cycle," which isn't unusual. What WAS unusual was that when I got the new shot, IT DIDN'T STOP.
Nope, I just kept spotting, ranging from barely-need-a-pantiliner to light-period to an occasional day of oh-holy-jesus-I-think-I'm-hemorrhaging. But never enough to be an actual period. And never "clear" enough to give me a day without some kind of panty protection.
This is wreaking havoc on the love life. Occasionally, it's a "coast is clear" moment or day, and then there's some fun, and then EVERYTHING IS A HORROR SHOW. So that just sort of put the kibe on those activities, fully. Which makes a body cranky at best and feel disconnected at worst.
I am pretty sure my hormones are all kinds of out of whack. My face has been breaking out (SO unfair at forty), mostly along my jawline and chin. I am incredibly irritable.
And I just want to stop bleeding, for the love of all that's holy.
This is basically just one big rant. I can't help but wonder, because my body is REALLY good at sabotaging me, if my polyps have come back, or my hormones are so out of balance thanks to PCOS that the Depo just doesn't know what to do anymore.
I DON'T KNOW, and it is so, so annoying. I have an appointment later this week to both get my next shot and hope it was just a bum couple of months, and to have a talk with my doctor.
I don't know what to do since the Depo was my last shot (ha HA ha ha ha) at a non-invasive, non-destructive birth control option. I could try going off birth control completely again, but I don't think that's going to work for me. Not physically, and not emotionally. Otherwise I'm down to ablation (um, scary) or an IUD (dislike the foreign object in my lady parts and know several people for whom that was horrific). Or, as my doctor so offhandedly mentioned the first time I had this conversation with him...hysterectomy. Which seems a bit extreme to me given that all that's wrong is a case of Oppositional-Defiant Disorder, and nothing terribly insidious. Seems downright crazy (and unnecessarily risky) to rid myself of the whole kit and caboodle without more physically wrong there.
As I creep towards my appointment, all I can hope is that there is an answer out there. It's not natural to bleed (even at a slow clip) for SO LONG. I am tired of buying feminine supplies for nothing cathartic, for lack of a better word. I am tired of hoping I'm open for business and then finding that sexytimes are rather one-sided (I am not comfortable with messy sex).
I feel so sad and betrayed, but don't know who to blame yet...Depo, or my often-cantankerous reproductive system.