Follow me on the crazy, hopeful, discouraging, funny, and ultimately successful (one way or another) path to parenthood while facing infertility.

Sunday, October 2, 2016

File Under TMI

Oh, Depo. Not too long ago I was singing your praises -- how you'd settled into my body rhythms, offering me once-every-12-weeks shots and then birth control I didn't have to think about any other time.

And then this last 3-month period hit.

HOLY JEEZUM. I started spotting towards the end of the previous "cycle," which isn't unusual. What WAS unusual was that when I got the new shot, IT DIDN'T STOP.

Nope, I just kept spotting, ranging from barely-need-a-pantiliner to light-period to an occasional day of oh-holy-jesus-I-think-I'm-hemorrhaging. But never enough to be an actual period. And never "clear" enough to give me a day without some kind of panty protection.

This is wreaking havoc on the love life. Occasionally, it's a "coast is clear" moment or day, and then there's some fun, and then EVERYTHING IS A HORROR SHOW. So that just sort of put the kibe on those activities, fully. Which makes a body cranky at best and feel disconnected at worst.

I am pretty sure my hormones are all kinds of out of whack. My face has been breaking out (SO unfair at forty), mostly along my jawline and chin. I am incredibly irritable.

And I just want to stop bleeding, for the love of all that's holy.

This is basically just one big rant. I can't help but wonder, because my body is REALLY good at sabotaging me, if my polyps have come back, or my hormones are so out of balance thanks to PCOS that the Depo just doesn't know what to do anymore.

I DON'T KNOW, and it is so, so annoying. I have an appointment later this week to both get my next shot and hope it was just a bum couple of months, and to have a talk with my doctor.

I don't know what to do since the Depo was my last shot (ha HA ha ha ha) at a non-invasive, non-destructive birth control option. I could try going off birth control completely again, but I don't think that's going to work for me. Not physically, and not emotionally. Otherwise I'm down to ablation (um, scary) or an IUD (dislike the foreign object in my lady parts and know several people for whom that was horrific). Or, as my doctor so offhandedly mentioned the first time I had this conversation with him...hysterectomy. Which seems a bit extreme to me given that all that's wrong is a case of Oppositional-Defiant Disorder, and nothing terribly insidious. Seems downright crazy (and unnecessarily risky) to rid myself of the whole kit and caboodle without more physically wrong there.

As I creep towards my appointment, all I can hope is that there is an answer out there. It's not natural to bleed (even at a slow clip) for SO LONG. I am tired of buying feminine supplies for nothing cathartic, for lack of a better word. I am tired of hoping I'm open for business and then finding that sexytimes are rather one-sided (I am not comfortable with messy sex).

I feel so sad and betrayed, but don't know who to blame yet...Depo, or my often-cantankerous reproductive system.

12 comments:

  1. So sorry, that sounds awful. I hope you get some answers. If there isn't an obvious one, maybe you need to take a look at what's going on in there (I'm sure that is a super-appealing idea).

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    1. Thanks -- it isn't much fun. It is so irritating to feel like things are just constantly out of whack. The idea of having another look-see at my insides doesn't fill me with joy, but I want to know that everything isn't awry, and maybe that would do something? I don't know. I'm so sick of my lady parts acting up this way. Argh.

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  2. Just reading this makes me pissed. This be so out of wack hormonally is not a minor thing and I wish endrocrinologists took this more seriously. The hysterectomy seems extreme. There's got to be a much better option. Rooting for you as you go into your next appointment. Take no prisoners.

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    1. Seriously. I don't have an endocrinologist, maybe I should get one. I feel like when treatment didn't work and we left the reproductive endocrinology world, they didn't really help me out with how to manage this nonsense non-reproductively. Yeah, I am not down with losing an organ. Thanks for the vote of confidence, I will be fierce in there!

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  3. How dreadful. Here's to this cycle being an anomaly. I hope you don't have to endure any extreme measures toward resolution.

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    1. Thank you -- me too. I just want to feel like I could go swimming (yeah, I know it's October) or be romantic without ick. Not too much to ask, right? :-/

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  4. That sounds awful. Having that much hormonal stuff going on is rough for sure. The never-ending-always-variable period was what started me down the road to getting diagnosed with PCOS originally, so I really feel for you on that one. It sucks so much. Hoping your appointment goes well and you can get some answers (and relief from the symptoms as well) without anything too extreme.

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  5. I'm sorry to hear about your frustrations with the meds and hormones. A hysterectomy sounds a bit much. Would you consider getting a second opinion from another GYN? I second the thought about seeing an endocrinologist.

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  6. oh gosh that sounds awful! When I was younger I was initially put on a really high dose pill by my doctor who looked at me and said, "oh you have acne so you should take this one". I remember spotting non stop for about three months before my body eventually got used to it! And it made me nauseous sometimes. I switched to a really low dose pill later on and I found that MUCH better, with no bad side effects. I wonder whether you could try a different progesterone-only pill, if it might be better this time. I hope that your doctor's appointment will go well and you'll be able to find a method that works for you!

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  7. ps a hysterectomy is definitely way too extreme!

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  8. I had an issue similar to this when I tried to skip a period by taking the active pills and not the placebos. I bled for nearly 6 months straight - not usually too heavy, but as you said, never where the coast was totally clear. I was a mess and won't ever try that again! Recently, I asked my doctor about non-birth control options to deal with my heavy periods. After going through an uncomfortable procedure that kicked up a lot of infertility emotions for me, I was basically told I could take birth control pills or get an IUD (and now they have some sort of chip they can insert in your arm?! No way in h.e. double hockey sticks would I ever consider that!). I felt like basically I had no options or support because I wouldn't be a "good" patient and take the prescribed treatment. I don't like trying to fiddle with my hormones because they don't react the same as the general population. I hated how I felt on the pill when I was on it before and while it did help to make my period a little lighter, it didn't help to the point where the side effects were worth it. So I'm left wondering why there isn't some method of controlling heavy bleeding that isn't birth control and isn't as drastic as a hysterectomy (which my mom eventually had due to her heavy periods and she believes this is in my future as well). Sorry, I've rambled on it just bugs me that women who's reproductive organ operate outside the norm are not given consideration or various options to help improve our day-to-day situations.

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  9. Ugh, so sorry you're having so much trouble. I agree that a hysterectomy would be a bit drastic. I do have friends who have had an ablation & think it was the best thing since sliced bread, but I am not sure I would want to have that done either. I think a second or even third opinion is called for. (((Hugs))) & good luck!

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