Monday, July 25, 2016
#Microblog Mondays: To Go or Not To Go
Every year our agency has a picnic in August, an hour and fifteen minute drive from our home, for adoptive families and waiting families, and it's like a big party for everyone. We have gone to other events -- the Halloween fun day at a local garden center, the Holiday party at a local firehouse, trainings offered at our local JCC. We missed the Waiting Family Ice Cream Social that I REALLY wanted to attend (to meet other waiting couples, but also to get a sense from others of how long others are waiting), but it was the same night as our homestudy update.
We've never gone to the picnic. For me, it has less to do with hanging out with a bunch of families and feeling again a bit the Little Match Girl on the outside of the glass, peering in on what a warm family life can be, and way more with the fact that potluck food situations are an unholy nightmare for me as a person with Celiac disease. I would pretty much have to pack my own lunch, because we'd be driving over an hour and it's all hamburgers and hotdogs and bring-a-dish-to-pass, and I have no idea if any of the potato or other various mayo-based salads are made with mayo that's had a bread knife dipped back into it after slathering bread, or if there's fake bacon in there instead of real bacon, and fake bacon has gluten in it more often than not. If something IS gluten free, then I have to worry if someone put a spoon from something NOT gluten free into it, or if crumbs from a hamburger bun made their way in. If I get sick, then I am facing horrible gastrointestinal distress in a park with questionable bathrooms.
Then, the socializing aspect, which is difficult for Bryce. He is a pretty social guy (or is capable of faking it very well), but these events where we don't truly know a lot of people and everyone wants to ask how long you've been waiting or if you've had profile opportunities or tell you their own story makes him uncomfortable. We probably know a fair amount of people, but it is awkward being the people without children, even though waiting parents are totally encouraged to come. It makes you feel a little on display, which was okay for the Halloween and the Christmas party, because we could stop in for an hour or so and then leave, and it was a 10-15 minute drive home. This would be closer to 2 1/2 hours round trip. A long time to talk about how uncomfortable one of us was through the whole experience, and how hungry the other one is.
Also, it's the last weekend before Bryce takes the GREs for the PhD he's already accepted into, but still has to take the test to check off a box and he is studying like a fiend because he likes to do well on everything he's up against.
I don't think we're going, but I still feel guilty saying no. Maybe it will be easier when we have a child (it still won't erase that food piece of things) but maybe it will then feel more natural to go and pack my lunch so my child can play with other children and we can commiserate with people on parenting, not on waiting to parent without any kind of due date. Until then, it just seems like the negatives outweigh the positives.
Want to read more #Microblog Mondays? Go here and enjoy!