Follow me on the crazy, hopeful, discouraging, funny, and ultimately successful (one way or another) path to parenthood while facing infertility.

Wednesday, June 22, 2016

Update Updates

Ahhhh. Our home study update visit is scheduled for next week. The last thread is getting knotted off.

I called the agency the other day and they put my mind at ease -- apparently very few home study dates line up exactly and we are comparatively in really good shape for our update. We would not miss any profile opportunities at all (it was incredibly hard not to say something snarky like, "Definitely not, given we haven't had one since March..."), and even if a last minute situation came up they could make it happen, expedite things. There is no reason to be anxious about it, we are in good shape, and the social worker should call later today (they had assigned her last week).

That did make me feel better. It's just that I feel when a ball starts rolling in April, it shouldn't slowly roll up a hill until late June. I am not processing a ton of paperwork, just filling out mine and sending it in, but it just seems it could be a bit more of a streamlined process. But, that is the control freak in me speaking. I have to quell this thought that "I wouldn't do it that way."

I can breathe a little easier though, knowing that we are all set for our update visit and soon we will have an updated home study in hand.

I did ask what's involved in an update visit. Apparently, a lot of it is talking about how the wait's been, how you feel about being one year later and renewing (rarely are people like "That's GREAT! Just what I wanted!"), how did you work though profile opportunities you did have, revisit the grid, show her the nursery or any other updates to the house. The end. My family advocate said it's bittersweet, because you get to connect with your home study and post-placement social worker again, but it's because nothing happened to further you to post-placement. So it's kind of disappointing.

That seemed accurate to me.

I know I probably won't go as crazy cleaning this time -- I won't be trying to have an eat-off-the-floor-or-toilet cleanliness standard Of course I'll be off for a couple days before so I could spend my first days of summer cleaning like a madwoman if I wanted to. I feel the urge to explain that I am buying black out blinds that are push-operated, no cords, because currently the nursery sports some lovely baby-killing cheapo bamboo blinds with cords that loop and dangle like little deathtraps. Obviously that will change. At least they're not over the crib.

I also sent out my email update to my school yesterday, the one that says where we are and has pictures of the nursery in it. I am really glad I did that because people have been coming out of the woodwork to tell me they've been thinking of us or praying for us or loved our nursery...either through email replies or by catching me in the hall. It's so nice. We have an army of well-wishers behind us in this effort.

I think I'm ready to head off into summer, without becoming a parent this year, but nearly recertified to become one...and knowing that we're ready, whenever FutureBaby decides to make his or her appearance.

18 comments:

  1. I'm holding you in my heart, Jess. Being in limbo is not for the faint-hearted. xoxo

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    1. Thank you! It is definitely a hard place to be. But, trying to make the best of things and be less rigid. I appreciate the love!

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  2. Happy to read you're moving into summer a little more at ease.

    Pieces. Place. Cool.

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    1. Thank you! It's interesting to try to find places for my school stuff as we prep for the home study visit (because while I'm not going to go nuts cleaning, I certainly can't have crap everywhere, even in organized piles). But, going out to the garden, having some space to breathe... that will all be good. :)

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  3. It absolutely blows my mind that this update is needed, you've been on the ball for meeting your deadline and yet very few home studies are updated on time. I see this a lot in government, with extensions needed and deadlines passing continually. At least it won't impact any part of your adoption process, but still this really makes me question the system.

    Anyway, I'm continuing to send you love. Limbo is HARD. It requires the strength of 10,000 humans, all of whom have hearts of lions and infinity amounts of patience. Many hugs.

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    1. Thank you so much -- it is really hard to wrap my head around all the bureaucracy that seems to bog things down but is necessary for the process... I'll just be happy to get the home study update done with and hope for another call sometime soon. I appreciate the love though! Limbo IS hard. And it seems to be our status quo, which is so super frustrating and exhausting.

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  4. That's great that your home study will be very soon - I know that will make you feel more at ease. It probably wouldn't hurt writing down some of your questions or thoughts about how this past year has been to discuss with your social worker while she is there. I know for me I just get so flustered when someone like that is in my house and every organized thought I had before that goes right out the window. I also wouldn't be afraid to mention that you are concerned you haven't had a phone call in quite some time...

    Enjoy the last few days of school and sounds like your summer is kicking off to a great start! :)

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    1. Thanks for your thoughts! It's interesting, because our home study social worker has absolutely nothing to do with the calls, those come from our family advocate social worker. I think our home study social worker is contracted by our agency to do home studies, as she lives here in Rochester. It's funny, because the calls are what they are -- we waited 5 months before we got our first one, and it's only been 3 since the last one, so I don't know whether to be concerned or not, since as they said the last time I called about cases coming in they said, "there's really no rhyme or reason to the cases that come in and how they fit you or not." Hard to be so very out of control, but that's how this particular cookie crumbles! And ahhh, summer.

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  5. Not the kickoff into summer you wanted this year, but at least things are moving in the right direction. Sending a hug as you return to the wait.

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    1. Thank you! Yeah, I was so hoping to be in a different place by now, but I guess I have all summer to figure out how not to go nuts during this time. :) Thank you for the hug, I so appreciate it!

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  6. Whew. I'm glad that your home study will be done in time AND that the timing won't affect any profile opportunities you could get.

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    1. Yes, huge whew! Frustrating still that the process gets so drawn out, it seems that organization and swift replies on our part should count for SOMETHING, but whatever. It is wonderful that this won't affect profile opportunities that could, in theory, come in.

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  7. Yay for having your home study scheduled, boo for the sad feelings.

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    1. Thank you! It is an odd dichotomy for sure. Happy to have things moving, although not much is moving in a meaningful way. I guess letting go of any expectation is a good way to go, although hard to put into practice!

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  8. Been thinking about you, and I am sorry to hear about the delay in getting your paperwork updated. Glad an appointment is set with the social worker and that it will not hold things up if an opportunity comes up.

    Sounds like you are at peace with entering summer without a baby, or at least as much as one can be after waiting a year. Sounds like your update with your coworkers went well and that they are sending you off with love, prayers and hope. Hugs for you, many hugs!

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    1. Thank you -- it is good to know that things aren't held up by the slow pace of updating. It was definitely a wonderful thing to be sent off into summer so loved and supported, with, as one woman said, "An army of support behind you." We really are lucky in that regard. Thank you for the hugs!

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  9. Glad that things are scheduled and moving along. It just boggles me that getting the update scheduled takes so long! Thinking of you...limbo and waiting are so, so very hard.

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    1. Thank you so much. Everything seems to be a process within a process... we'll see how it all pans out!

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