We are into Week Two of waiting to see if we have a match for our frozen embryos...I'm assuming since we had two weeks to decide on the receiving couple that they also are limited to two weeks to decide on us.
We received note June 14th that our profile would be sent to the couple that Snowflakes had sent to us for our review...there was some question as their openness preferences originally seemed to sway towards more closed, while we would like semi-open with options for additional openness if the child wants to know more at some point.
They thought about it and came back to our contact with the statement that they were absolutely open to more if it's what the child wants, including contact between siblings.
Ouch. That assumes that we have success in the cohort (either one, since it's two different cohorts, two different genetic makeups, both unrelated to the other)...and we don't.
But they didn't know that yet.
And so we go into Monday, not knowing what discussions this couple has been having about our minimalistic-compared-to-our-own-profile-book powerpoint, about our letter that explains how our embryos are not excess, they are homeless, and how we are waiting as well, albeit through domestic infant adoption, and we just want to give these embryos a chance to be.
Trying not to think about how a (well-meaning but inept at expressing things verbally) friend said when I told her about our embryo adoption adventure from the placing side, "Who on earth would EVER take your embryos?"
Could have been phrased differently, but it IS a good question. It assumes a certain level of risk on top of the risk inherent in taking on someone else's embryos in hopes of creating a child. Add on to the "normal" risk factors multiple donors, multiple stages of development, and no success in either cohort...it is a relevant question.
One that hopefully this week we get an answer to, either way.
It's weird to wait from this side of things, to wait to see if "our embryos" will become "the embryos formerly known as ours," especially when they were created by both of us but not totally of both of us.
And we still wait for our own matching process that will bring us the baby that will be ours to parent...but in all scenarios there is some aspect of sharing.
It could make a body dizzy thinking on it for too long.
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Wow, that sounds like a lot to consider! Ouch to your friend's question and the sibling issue...especially with all you are going through to give those embryos a shot. Hoping things work out well and you get the answers soon and as sending thoughts for strength and peace as you go through this side of the process.
ReplyDeleteThank you. So many sides to so many processes! I just hope we aren't strung out the entire two weeks, and if it's a no, that we get a pretty clear no. If it's a yes, well then that opens a whole other box of goodies, doesn't it? (But it would be nice to get a yes so early relatively in the process.)
DeleteOuch is right. The question could have been phrased a LOT better.
ReplyDeleteRegardless, this is definitely a hard wait. There's emotion filled on both sides, wondering if there will be rejection but also with the chance to move forward a risk of this couple upholding a promise towards openness. It's very scary all around.
I'm thinking of you as you go through this 2 week wait
She redeemed herself later after having thought about the whole situation, I think to be honest I caught her a bit off guard. I forget that "normal" people don't have these crazy ethical dilemmas as part of regular everyday life... It IS a scary place to be, but also sort of hopeful. I hope we get news soon, there's only so much limbo a body can take at once.
DeleteYou are so incredibly strong. I continue to be inspired by you, your blog, and your strength, and I'm sure as you read that you're muttering to yourself, "Pshtt, she has no idea". But I see your heart and soul and I pray for you all the time in hopes you get your chance at motherhood. (HUGS)
ReplyDeleteThank you so much -- I would never Pshhhttt you! You know strong, too. It's just so crappy that people who want motherhood so badly have to be put through such a gauntlet to get there, hopefully. The frozen embryos are such a weird situation in of themselves... we won't be parents to them but we will be the ones who gave them a chance to be and then this other couple will get to have their family (if they pick us) as a result of the embryos we created with two different donors for each set, and so it's a major team effort to bring a child (hopefully) into the world. Team efforts all the way around, actually. Thank you for the hugs!
DeleteOh my yes! This could get a body dizzy! Best wishes on all fronts as you navigate these ethical and emotional landmines!
ReplyDeleteThank you so much... "Ethical and emotional landmines" -- yes, that about sums it up. Thanks for the good wishes!
DeleteDid ya ever notice that "wait"is a four-letter word? ;)
ReplyDeleteI hope the time flies by, and brings positive news at the end. *hugs*
Thank you! It certainly is a 4-letter word... :)
DeleteFriends. Sometimes we love them despite themselves (and what comes out of their mouths).
ReplyDeleteA difficult process - another one in so many different processes/decisions/and waiting periods. Thinking of you.
Yes, for sure... sometimes it's hard to see that they don't mean to say hurtful things, but holy hell. Thank you for your thoughts as we navigate all these processes...
DeleteIn awe over how much there is to consider and how considerate you present.
ReplyDeleteHere's to decisions being made to end the wait in the most positive manner.
Thank you so much -- we hope for all things positive. I hope to be considerate in how I discuss all these incredibly complex issues that I never, EVER thought would be just regular life for us.
DeleteI'm curious how things are turning out....?
ReplyDeleteSo are we! Still no news. I think the two weeks is about expired, so more phone calls it is.
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