Follow me on the crazy, hopeful, discouraging, funny, and ultimately successful (one way or another) path to parenthood while facing infertility.

Monday, October 26, 2015

#Microblog Mondays: Celebrating Six Years

Six years ago Bryce and I were married -- legally at our favorite Mexican restaurant on October 23rd and then again with a small ceremony and celebration in our backyard on October 31st. It's kind of confusing, having two anniversaries. We usually celebrate privately, just us chickens, on or near the 23rd, because that was pretty small and private the first time around and it feels like it's all ours. On the 31st, well, that's Halloween and it's our favorite holiday (hence the wedding date), so it's tradition to continue on with the Halloween festivities and celebrate with all the ghouls and goblins.

It's amazing to me that it's been six years. I can't really say it seems like only yesterday, because there is just so much that has happened in those six years. I received my first trigger shot FedEx package on my wedding day, on Halloween, while in my wedding dress. It was the beginning of so many things, and it reminds me that our marriage is intricately entwined with our journey to parenthood, and that that journey is STILL not over. We have been through so much in those six years. We've also grown so much, and as much as I feel the "it made us stronger" is dangerously cliche, it's true. We didn't just survive infertility, we battled it together and continue to be a united front, working to bring our FutureBaby home.

We celebrated our private anniversary a weekend early this year, at one of our favorite restaurants, because this past weekend was our baby shower, the friends-and-family one, and so we had Bryce's mom and aunt in from out of town and my best friend in and so Friday was spent getting settled with my in-laws. But really, what better way is there to spend your sixth anniversary than having your baby shower to celebrate a long-awaited baby (who you are still patiently waiting for)?

Part of me is scared, though...scared that we celebrated and we have a house full of things for our baby and it might not come to pass, that something could go horribly wrong and despite all of our best intentions the journey could end. I don't think so, but that niggling, nasty little voice at the back of my head worries and worries and rubs a bit of my skull shiny and smooth with all of the worrying.

The rest of my consciousness is feeling loved, and supported, and like we celebrated not just the anniversary of us becoming a family of two, a beautiful marriage and relationship that has survived these six years of many joys and nearly as much heartache...but we ALSO celebrated all the love and support and excitement that we have for Mystery Baby, that SO MANY people have for Mystery Baby, and it was truly wonderful.

Saturday we will sit out in our firepit in the driveway, eating chicken wing dip and pumpkin pie and having wine or cocktails after we hand out our 7 full-size candy bars (seriously, SEVEN children the last two years. SEVEN.), and celebrate with our neighbors as we have for the past 9 years. And maybe giddily answer some questions from those not in the know about the cardboard crib boxes and torn baby gift bags and other assorted baby gear detritus that's been out at the curb for garbage pickup.

There's movement, and change, and a fast-materializing nursery almost ready for Mystery Baby to come fill it. It's a good feeling, once I smother that nasty little voice in the back of my head, worrying that bit of my skull into a polished shine.

Lovebirds before fancy schmancy anniversary dinner, in our garden

Silly faces (maybe Bryce is going for The Shining as inspiration?)

Smoochy face

Me, in a New Mom-To-Be tiara with the shower planning committee! (more shower pictures to come)

Want to read more #Microblog Mondays? Go here and enjoy!

18 comments:

  1. Congratulations on six years. I can completely believe they have made you stronger. I hope mystery baby moves in soon and adds another trick or greater to your street (all in good time)

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    1. Thank you! It will be so much fun to make the rounds ourselves with our little pumpkin...

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  2. Happy Anniversary! 6 years is something to be proud of and cherished. I love that you got married at your favorite Mexican restaurant, that is a sweet and special memory, and I would feel that day way my official day to celebrate, too.
    I can completely understand that little worry in the back of your head, and I know how hard it can be to squash that little worry. One thing I learned from my therapist years ago was that they are your thoughts and you an control them. So whenever I start to have awful worry and doubt or bad things creep in, she told me to shake my head and picture a stop sign and tell my brain to stop. It actually really works!
    I personally think how amazing it is that you will have all these pictures and stories about the hard work you have put into creating the nursery for a baby that is still a mystery. If that doesn't show the longing and love you already have for the child you don't yet know, I don't know what does.
    Sending many prayers up for you that your wait ends soon!

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    1. Oh, I Love that exercise! I really need to tell my brain to stop most of the time, because it is sorta kinda a Worst Case Scenario machine. Thank you so much for the prayers, and for your congratulations! It really did make it a wonderful tradition to get married at our Mexican restaurant, where we go almost every week (probably 50 Fridays or Saturdays a year...), it makes it so easy to remember that wonderful moment. Thanks for your thoughts!

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  3. Happy anniversary! I love that your private anniversary was shared with friends and family gathered to celebrate Futurebaby. Enjoy Halloween/second anniversary!

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    1. It was a spectacular way to spend our personal anniversary! Thank you for your thoughts and good wishes. We are sure to enjoy Hallowanniversary, especially because who knows if this is the last one just us two? :)

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  4. You two look so happy, congratulations on 6 years! Wishing you both a lifetime of happiness together and with mystery baby too! :)

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    1. Thank you for your good wishes! Good times, so many good times.

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  5. Happy anniversary. You two are so cute :-)

    Think of those scary thoughts in the opposite: you don't celebrate at all and the baby comes and you've missed out on the happy moments trying to protect your heart (which can't really be completely protected). And now look at your decision again with new eyes...

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    1. I love this so much! I love my new eyes. :) We do pretty much go about with naked hearts, so it's good to know that we'd miss out if we tried to bundle them in padding. Thanks for your good wishes!

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  6. Happy Anniversary! We just celebrated our 6th anniversary last week!

    You are absolutely glowing...and I loved your shower dress! I hope the happy moments are starting to slowing overcome the sad/scared/anxious moments.

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    1. Well happy anniversary to you, too! Thank you for the good wishes! The shower dress was a Stitch Fix find, my first box came just days before. Good timing, no? The happy moments are definitely slowly squashing all the neurotic stuff. There's far more to be happy about than scared at this point, which is a lovely change. :)

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  7. happy anniversary! wishing you many more, with mystery baby too :)
    what a coincidence that i read this today, on my fifth anniversary!

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    1. Thank you so much, and happy anniversary to you, too!

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  8. Happy Anniversary! Sounds like lovely ways to celebrate both anniversaries. I also admire your bravery in planning, preparing the nursery and having a shower. It really is something to celebrate and normalize your experience. I can understand that little nagging feeling of the what ifs. But, I love how you are embracing hope. I also like what Mel said. It is wonderful to allow yourself to enjoy the happy moments over trying to protect your heart.

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    1. Thank you! I don't really think of it as bravery as much as my obsessive need to plan and control everything around me, but I guess it is in a way. We'll see how I feel when the nursery is all set up but there's still no call. (Or maybe we won't, but I feel like we will...). I definitely DO embrace hope, even as I fear a bit the repercussions of this exuberance... :) Thank you for your thoughts and good wishes!

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  9. If it doesn't happen, will it hurt any less if you didn't celebrate Mystery Baby? No. Enjoy the happy moments. In due course - whatever the outcome - you will cherish them. And Mystery Baby will love learning about their secret name, and the fact there was a part for them, before you even knew about them.

    Happy Anniversary! (For what it's worth, after 31 years, we always celebrate our anniversary alone. It's important to us, and only us, and I like that intimacy. So I completely understand why you do this on your own.)

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    1. Thank you for your good wishes and thoughts! True, celebrating is better (for me at least) than living in doom and gloom. I never thought about that, the secret name that Mystery Baby has had in iterations (I don't really use FutureBaby anymore, which is weird to think about). It is lovely to have a private anniversary and keep that intimacy, right? Thanks so much!

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