Last year, Open House was kind of a mess. I was sweaty, and made no sense, and could kind of see myself from outside of myself, rushing through the words and losing track of the point and getting "who is this crazy person teaching my child" vibes from the sea of parent faces.
To be fair, I'd just failed another cycle pretty spectacularly, in the first days of school, and I'd run into a previous coworker who asked me all about what was VERY OBVIOUSLY NOT WORKING about 10 minutes before I had to present. I was exhausted. I was probably depressed. I was not in the right frame of mind to be confident in front of a bunch of people who were parents, the very thing I was completely incompetent at doing myself.
THIS YEAR, though, was completely different.
I was still sweaty and nervous, but said my spiel with confidence, showing off my brand-spanking-new teacher website that I am oh-so-proud-of even though I am pretty much the LAST person to create one. And then, I got to do the thing I was both nervous and RIDICULOUSLY excited about...
I got to tell everyone that my husband and I were adopting a baby, and in the wait, and that most likely I would be going out on maternity leave at some point this year. I left out the "SEE YA, SUCKAS! I'm gonna be a MOM!" part I hear in my head when I think about it, because these are all very nice people with really lovely children who are filling my classes with a wonderful climate. That probably would have been highly unprofessional.
It was so much fun. It was great to hear people be excited for me, to explain the concept of a Mystery Baby, to have something to add about impending parenthood that's been missing for so long.
I felt like saying "Soon I'll be ONE OF YOU!"
I felt like it was my last time feeling left in the cold, outside the window, my hand on the frosted pane rubbing it clear to see what family and parenting and children are all about, from that perspective. Actually, that last time was last year.
Last year I had NO HOPE.
This year, I have nothing BUT hope. And it feels so, so, so good.