Nothing is illustrating to me just how differently my husband and I tackle a project more than the adoption Profile Book. Up until this point, we have been able to divide-and-conquer all of our adoption tasks, and I hate to say it but I have been able to orchestrate and control the way that things are being done through my lists and schedules and reminders. This is a good thing, but it also highlights my incredible need to control every little piece of the process, something I realize quite sharply that is going to change once we go live and very little, if not absolutely NOTHING, is in our control.
I had a plan for the profile book. It seemed so simple in my head. It is SO NOT SIMPLE.
Last weekend I was crying, SOBBING in front of the computer, feeling completely overwhelmed and lost, swimming in a sea of Shut.terfly options that just didn't fit.
Finally, Bryce was like, "Step away from the computer, crazy lady" (in the nicest of ways).
He thought we should do things differently than I wanted to, with my Shu.tterfly poking and my 11x17 inch paper folded mock-up that I'd already erased at least once. I hated to admit it (controlcontrolcontrol), but he was right. Putting a fake layout into a powerpoint made so much more sense --we could manipulate it easier, we could switch pages around, we could see a snapshot of what a page might look like and then search for layouts to fit that, not vice versa. And then we would find a platform that works for us, for this specific purpose, not just go with what we used before for our wedding books.
Writing it down it makes so much sense, but at the time it seemed like he was just making all these EXTRA STEPS. Typical engineer, planning things to death. Things that would slow us down.
And it's true, it does slow us down, but this project is kind of important, no?
The profile book is often the ONLY thing a potential birth mother will see of us, a sort of "imagine your baby here" kind of look-book into our lives. It is the MOST IMPORTANT thing in the adoption process to get right. The home study was important, we can't be at this point without it, but the profile book? We don't get chosen without a good one. Period.
So I need to let go, let go, let go. Let go of the unreasonable deadline that I myself have imposed upon us. Let go of the need to control everything, because when it comes to designing things on a computer, that's one of many places where Bryce shines. I've got the writing thing down and can pick out nice pictures, but when it comes to working in Publisher (our final choice for the platform), Bryce will have the edge. Let go of my fears that I will screw this up and no one will pick us.
Let go and breathe and just let our lovely selves shine through, don't overdo it, and try not to freak out.
Want to read more #Microblog Mondays? Go here and enjoy. Again, apologies, this one is more like a midi post.
This is the key, and yo know it! "Let go and breathe and just let our lovely selves shine through, don't overdo it, and try not to freak out."
ReplyDeleteI know it will be a wonderful profile. After all you are wonderful people :-)
Thank you! The not freaking out is easier said than done. This is where I want a magical fast forward button so that the thing is done and I can enjoy the book, instead of slogging through the making of it. We'll try and make it somewhat enjoyable!
DeleteI agree with Lori about the breathing (and my first impression is that she's also correct about the wonderful people part). Sending tons of good energy your way, and I hope you're able to create the profile book you envision with no additional sobs. :)
ReplyDeleteThank you! I feel like it's sobs or snipes, I can't quite seem to work on it without either one of those. I did not anticipate how tricky making this thing is! It will get done though, and I will be breathing like a pervy caller through the whole thing. ;-)
DeleteSending a hug as you let go. You're right. It's not a race. And better to have it take longer but do it well than to rush and always wonder.
ReplyDeleteThank you! Logically I know we need to take our time and be careful, but I hear a clock ticking in the background as we work (or don't work) on this project. I wish I was better at designing this sort of thing, of taking what's in my head and magically plopping it out on paper (computer).
DeleteAs stressful as it is, I have no doubt that your final project will end up being just what you'd imagined it turning out like from the beginning. Even if you have deviated from the path you'd thought you'd need. Kinda like everything up to this point in your journey!
ReplyDeleteThank you! True--isn't it kind of metaphor for this whole thing? Twisty and unexpected. Good observation... now I just want a crystal ball to see how it turns out. Har.
DeleteI had to laugh. You sound exactly like me ... and the husband - right down to the engineer bit! Letting go is really hard. But I guess it is practice for learning to be a parent too. ;-)
ReplyDeleteLori's advice is good too - breathing always helps. I'm sure it will be great in the end.
Oh, how funny! Absolutely, this and all the other letting go we've done is definitely great practice for when a tiny someone else decides that our plans are hilarious. I'm going to try to breathe without hyperventilating. Thanks for the sage advice!
DeleteSuch practice for the wonderful wonderful mother that you will be!
ReplyDeleteThank you! I appreciate your cheering!
DeleteI am sending you all the positive calmness I can muster! I'm wondering if you read any books related to making your book? I haven't looked at the actual texts but I've read some reviews... Thanks for sharing.
ReplyDeleteThank you, your calming thoughts are so welcome (and needed) over here! I have looked at other blogs, and there was a whole section in "The Open-Hearted Way to Open Adoption" on the profile book, and I bought a "book" (is 38 pages a book?) for my kindle that was super helpful, too: "Hoping to Adopt: How to Create the Ideal Adoption Profile and Dear Birthmother Letter." Our manual from the adoption agency also had a section on profile books and Dear Birthmother Letters, and they sent us a photocopy of someone else's. It's so overwhelming! Some things are consistent, and some aren't. We found one online from a couple who were successfully matched, and we love, love, love it, but they obviously had a professional photographer come do a shoot at their house and a favorite nearby location.
DeleteDId you find something good in your review-reading? I am trying not to work myself up too much, but I feel like more is more for feeling like we're on the right track here. :) The agency also recommended that we show our draft to at least 3 other people before printing it, and highly recommended sending it to them electronically for advice, too. So no pressure at all, right? ACK!
Thanks for the positive calmness, it's so appreciated.
I haven't read any but I saw a few folks reference liking How-Create-Successful-Adoption-Portfolio. We aren't there yet, I'm still gathering information to gather information...
DeleteWriting the profile book was so hard for me too. I ended up finding one I liked online and using that as a guide. Mine ended up looking completely different, but it was good as a starting point and guide. I sent my drafts to an online friend for review. The fact that
ReplyDeleteshe didn't know me in real life helped her provide good feedback from an outside perspective and was very helpful.
Best of luck, I know it's hard.
Do not envy you right now. It is hard to be patient and calm when a task is really important and it sounds like you have different approaches to getting it done. It seems like you appreciate the strengths of your differences in tackling these kinds of projects, but that there can be some clashing because of these working style differences. But, you sound like you are trying to give each other space to let things unfold to get you to your goal. Good luck!
ReplyDelete