Follow me on the crazy, hopeful, discouraging, funny, and ultimately successful (one way or another) path to parenthood while facing infertility.

Saturday, May 23, 2015

Our Family Life, Through the Mail Carrier's Eyes

Today was an exciting day. We mailed out our FINAL batch of paperwork to our agency today -- our child interest grid, and all the homework from our classes. Once this paperwork is received, we can be assigned a social worker and scheduled for our home study visits. As nerve-wracking as that seems to me, even as I feel more relaxed about it than I did when we were first dipping our toes into this process, I am really looking forward to it. We are moving, inch by inch, step by step, closer and closer towards becoming parents. Actual, physical, recognizable parents, not just in our hearts.

So, needless to say, we were super excited and had to photograph the event, although somewhat poorly as it was a beautiful sunny day today:

Super happy, a good one of Bryce and partial-nuclear-blast for me. 


Better of me, and a great shot of the bottom half of Bryce's face.
Between the two you get the idea. :)

When we heard the sound of mail carrier picking up that precious package, I had a thought.

What has our life looked like through the eyes of the mail carrier?

I mean, I don't think they necessarily actually notice what they drop off and pick up, but if our super friendly postal lady did...

She'd notice that we were receiving an awful lot of mail from the University of Rochester Medical Center for years. Not too much of a tell, since there was never anything that said "Strong Fertility," but you might wonder if one of us was seriously ill.

She'd notice that four and a half years ago, we had a subscription to Am.erican Baby, a free publication I'm not sure still exists. Yet there's no evidence of a baby in our yard or cars.

She'd notice that we started getting flyers for Bu.yBuyB.aby, again without evidence.

She'd notice a lot of cards. (But not flowers since those are delivered separate from the mail.)

She'd notice that Amer.ican Baby stopped coming.

She'd notice that three years ago, we started receiving Paren.ts magazine, something I subscribed to for a dollar when I was pregnant with promise. (A promise that was broken.)

She'd notice that Par.ents continues to come to our house.

She'd notice that I also get the Resolve newsletter, which might offer some insight into our childless home with the parenting magazine subscriptions.

She'd notice that a year ago we started getting bills from Buffalo Infertility & IVF, no guessing there.

And now those bills are slowing to a trickle.

She'd notice that we started receiving a lot of mail from an adoption agency.

Did she notice the big manila envelope today?

Does she know that we finally have hope, and that our story that has been told through the mail is headed to a much brighter future? If she notices, is she happy for this turn of events, since we will be far more likely to have toys in our yard sooner than later now than when we were receiving those medical bills?

That manila envelope is a huge milestone. It ad me feeling strangely last night, a little sad-and-scared, because as I addressed it and sealed up our very sensitive and confidential information, I realized...this is the last piece that is truly within our control. After that paperwork, we are at the mercy of others' schedules, others' decisions. Bryce helped me not panic by reminding me that we still have the profile books to do, and that is 100% within our control, and a really fun and positive thing to work on. Encapsulating our beautiful life together in pictures should be incredibly rewarding. But still, it felt kind of like a relief and a terror to let that final piece of home study paperwork leave our grasp. It felt a little like jumping off a cliff into a void.

Now it has been picked up by our mail carrier, who possibly unwittingly has witnessed the entire evolution of our family-building journey. This nondescript envelope is making its way through various machines and being touched by many postal employee hands, without any of them knowing just how significant it is.

We are really, truly on our way. And today, I am nothing but excited.

Off it goes... someone today told me the
envelope looks like it's smirking. I prefer
to see it as a little knowing smile,
satisfied with the job it's doing for our quest.

4 comments:

  1. I am so excited for you!! Isn't it wonderful to be making real progress?!

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    1. Yes! It's amazing to feel like we have accomplished something. Onward we go... Thank you for your excitement!

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  2. Yay!! As my Great Uncle Art would say, take a picture for posterity. Sometimes those pictures you take for the sake of documenting an important moment that is really hard to capture with an image bring you right back to that moment and it is the memories and the story around the picture that means so much. Yes, it sounds both satisfying and scary to be mailing the packet. You have worked so hard to complete it and there is probably a sense of pride in completing it. But, it is also scary arriving at that place where you have to let go and remind yourself that you all did your best in these steps. It is a loss of control, which is so very hard once you have been through infertility. Glad that Bryce is kind and supportive to remind you all that you still have work to do that is within your control and you can put that energy into your profile books. You are doing it! You are on your way!

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    Replies
    1. Oh my gracious, you completely get it. It is definitely satisfying and scary... I'm trying so hard to be better at letting go, especially after all that infertility nonsense, but it's still an uncomfortable feeling for me. We are definitely on our way, and it so helps to have such a supportive partner and cheerleader in Bryce. It's all happening!

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