Oh, uterus. You just have to get the last laugh, don't you?
The pain started in November -- like period cramps, but intermittently drop-you-to-the-floor severe. I made an appointment with my doctor who did my endomyometrial resection, because I am supposed to have an ultrasound yearly and I realized there wasn't one on the calendar, and when I went in, he told me there was a finding. A little bit of fluid hanging out in my uterus, which could be possibly my lining trying to grow back and then violently trying to escape its scarred prison, or...nothing of note. I was to make an appointment to come back in February.
It happened again after Christmas -- about 5 days of cramping and intermittent terrible pain, like I could actually feel my cervix and it was PISSED.
Today was my appointment. The pain started up again two days ago (what about that? I'm more regular than I ever have been in my life, still not, you know, REGULAR regular, but there's a bit of a pattern...), and I was glad because if it was failure, then it would be apparent.
It was apparent. I definitely have "not a small amount" of blood in my uterus, desperately trying to get out with no viable pathway, and so my cervix hurts because I'm literally having contractions. It feels like my uterus is trying to exit my body, like she's punching her way through scar tissue and determined to escape.
And I'm pissed.
Not at my doctor, he was very upfront when I had the procedure that I was on the younger side of the spectrum and it was more likely to fail (and who am I kidding? If there's a small percentage for weirdness, I will land squarely in that probability, every single time. Unless it's for money.).
My ire is entirely directed at my motherfucking uterus.
That little pear shaped organ has caused me pain, anguish, and trouble and what has she given me in return? ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. Clearly, all of this is bringing up a bit of baggage and trauma.
My options are:
1) Do nothing (a non-option as far as I am concerned, I am not of the "sometimes you just have hideous pain" sort)
2) Have a second surgical procedure to clean house, so to say, and either a) leave it at that (10-15% chance of recurrence) or b) three weeks later have an IUD put in, a new step in the process that was piloted THE MONTH AFTER MY PROCEDURE WAS DONE (why oh why am I always late to the party?) Recurrence is 5% with that option.
3) Have a partial hysterectomy -- just the uterus, keep the ovaries, single tube I have left, and my cervix. Rid myself of that evil pear once and for all.
It is tempting to choose Door #3 out of pure spite and vengeance. Take THAT, you ornery bitch. But, it is major surgery. It's no small feat, to lose an organ, even if you hate it.
So I suppose I should give it one more shot, one more chance with the new and improved process to attempt to tame the beast that is my broken babymaker. In the meantime, all the poking and prodding today has me more crampy than yesterday, and so I am a bit of a blubbery mess and off to eat a cheeseburger as a consolation prize.
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