This was after we put this gem up on the wall in our dining room (well, dining area, it's open to the living room) that we picked up in Vermont, which started a snowball effect of organizing as we moved all kinds of furniture around and it was a perfect time to organize and purge:
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| That "painting" is a blown up print of these pressed flower prints that a woman who was a backbone of the community in Grafton created, and after she passed her children made them into prints. |
We loved the story behind this piece of art, we loved its organic quality, and the size just fit PERFECTLY in that spot. To get it there we dismantled a baker's rack that was basically a crap-collector, and moved our bar to the back room where we can still use it but it's a little less, um, accessible. That dresser was in the bathroom upstairs, and was largely empty because it used to hold all the baby washcloths and towels and bath toys, and we hadn't filled it with anything...since. (We need to get a sideboard for under the other painting, which is funny because the one I bought for my office would fit PERFECTLY and go with the furniture so we'll just have to get another one since I'm not giving up my perfect piece!)
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| See, doesn't the bar look nice there, at the end of the wonderland that is Bryce's man office? |
While cleaning up the upstairs, I had a tub that was sitting in the bedroom, next to my sock cabinet (don't ask). Bryce asked, "What are we doing with this one?"
Oh, that one.
It was the tub of things we wanted to keep -- onesies we bought on trips, or that were bought for us, or knit things made for a baby that didn't come, or stuffed animals I wasn't quite ready to get rid of, and a beautiful owl puppet that I need to figure out how to use in my daily life, books we were given with the nameplate stickers with messages to Mystery Baby who will forever remain a mystery, and all our cards and the guestbook from our showers.
Ordinarily that sort of thing would be a shove into a pit of incredible sadness and encountering it would put me in a funk for a long, long while. But I just looked through it, and while there's definitely sadness there, it didn't ruin my day. I didn't even cry. I played with the puppet. And then I decided you know what? I don't have to decide today, either, and we can put it in a storage nook we have in an eave behind a wall in our bedroom and figure it all out later. If I want to give it to someone, if I want to keep it in a tub to revisit from time to time, if I want to rescue the owl puppet from its plastic tomb.
I don't know how that didn't make me unbearably sad, other than that I am truly healing. I am truly reaching that point of acceptance where I can say, "that didn't work out, and my life is different now, and that's okay -- more than okay, because our life will be beautiful despite our loss, and maybe in part because of it."
Yeah. That sounds pretty good to me.
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Wow. Congratulations! You have made extraordinary progress in less than a year.
ReplyDeleteAnd I love the print too.
Thank you! It does feel like an accomplishment. Although I am finding that a lot of little moments like these tend to build up and then one thing can make me feel real sad. But the onesie-twosie things don't seem to, which is great. Isn't the print beautiful? It's unusual, and organic, which I think is why we love it so much.
DeleteI am so glad to hear you are reaching that point of healing where finding those things didn't ruin your day and cause lots of upset. I love your last two lines!
ReplyDeleteThanks, it is lovely to have fewer things ruin the day. :) I am hopeful that while this is an up and down healing process, I'm trending up, up, and away.
DeleteSo much good here. The print is beautiful and I love the rearrangements got claiming your space. That’s huge. And finally being able to put away things that hold memories without feeling completely destroyed is huge. May the reorganization bring more moments like this.
ReplyDeleteThanks so much! I love the print, and I also love that bringing it into our home made us reevaluate space and open things up. We are on a roll with the purging of the things and reevaluating what we want to keep that builds us up versus stuff that just weighs us down. And hiding in the eave storage the things that we don't know yet what to do with but don't want to give away or make decisions yet... :) Ha ha ha. Woo hoo to not being destroyed.
DeleteYour home looks so wonderfully cozy. I picture you and your hubby all cuddled up, reading, in some little cottage in the woods. Like the kind of place people would want to vacation too when life in the city was just too much or something. I don't know how accurate that is but the way you write about your home, makes me picture it that way. <3 I am glad those things didn't make you sad, and I'm even more thankful that you are healing and finding so much joy. You are an inspiration.
ReplyDeleteThanks so much -- that's exactly how we want our home to feel! We were inside yesterday when it was cold and snowy outside, just enjoying the coziness, and it felt like from inside the house we could be in a cottage in Vermont somewhere. That's the hope, is that our aesthetic is very New England cozy cottage. :) Healing is so tough, and comes with so much pain and opening of wounds before they get to scar tissue, but I am so glad that every day trends to the upside, to things getting easier rather than harder. The hard moments are there and will be there, but to have these small victories is amazing. Thanks so much!
DeleteI am happy to read that your tub of baby things didn't ruin your day. I remember the first time my collection of onesies didn't hurt me when I saw them. And yes, I kept them and no, I don't know why or what I'm going to do with them. But like you said, I don't have to decide today.
ReplyDeleteAren't those moments like little triumphs? When you know it would have caused so much outward pain earlier, and now you can handle it without falling apart? Amazing. And as long as I can keep it all in a tub that will keep it safe, I'm okay with stashing the stuff in the eaves for now. I hope you have a similar space that isn't in your face, but allows time to figure it out.
DeleteHappy to hear you were able to handle the baby things without too much angst. It is funny how sometimes things will just hit you out of the blue, and then sometimes... nothing. At any rate -- progress!
ReplyDeleteLove the print!
ReplyDeleteYou definitely don't have to decide what to do with the tub stuff today...maybe you will never decide- and that's okay. I'm glad that you were able to pull it out and be okay with seeing it. That's a big step.