Depo/Doctor Update

Thursday was my doctor's appointment.

I don't have more answers, just more questions.

I did end up doing another Depo shot, in the hopes that maybe this one kicks the bleeding to the curb and it was an anomaly. We'll see what happens with that.

The concern about the polyps was taken seriously, and the long low bleed was definitely a point of concern. I had a pap smear to rule out my cervix as the cause (I've never had any cervical abnormalities, minus in my 20s suffering from a "friable" cervix that bled with any kind of trauma and had to be cauterized more than once, which I would classify as a trauma in itself). My doctor doesn't think that's it, but said he'd be remiss not to check anyway.

I had to take a pregnancy test just in case, as the spotting isn't just tinges of blood but has what I demurely call "material" in mixed company and "vaginal confetti" at home (ew, I know, gross). I wonder if part of it is the Asherman's trying to shed, or if it's something else, but it's distressing. However, in calling it "material" I earned a urine HCG check to make sure I'm not somehow miscarrying some sort of miracle baby (I'm not). That was loads of fun. They didn't tell me the results and I didn't ask, because...well, you know why. Obviously that's not it.

So, to rule out polyps or other uterine abnormalities, I am to see if the bleeding stops and if it doesn't (it hasn't so far) schedule a saline sonohistogram. OH YAY. I fucking hate SSGs. I have a very twisty cervix that hasn't had the opportunity to be more accommodating through childbirth (thank you SO much for bringing that up), and I get very, very crampy from all the tests that push saline up in your nethers. Not to mention the wonderful traumatic feeling I get from thinking about doing a test I did during a wildly unsuccessful infertility treatment period.

Then I had to remind my doctor that NONE of my HSGs or SSGs ever revealed my polyps. That those were clear (minus my last HSG which revealed the jagged edges of the Asherman's at the top of my traumatized womb) only during hysteroscopies. At least previously...because they were always way down at the bottom, near my cervix but not on my cervix. Good times.

And that is when he said regardless of the outcome of the SSG, we'd probably end up doing a hysteroscopy. Which is where my eyes started slowly leaking.

This will be my SIXTH hysteroscopy.

In general, my doctor is incredibly sensitive. He feels genuinely awful that I've been through such a wringer. He said that he would refer me to a specialist who does the most hysteroscopies out of anyone in our area, who does them in his office with twilight meds so that I wouldn't have to go to a hospital, who would be sure to take care with my battered uterus.

It is worth it to figure out what the hell is going on. I am just so sick of all this shit. I feel like my reproductive system has been a lie this whole time -- my periods supposedly a promise of fertility that was violently broken, my ovaries recalcitrant and stingy with releasing the eggs that fill my zillions of antral follicles thanks to PCOS. I wish I could just shut it all down without major surgery, without horrible consequences. I feel so betrayed, and I feel like my body is just shoving my reproductive inadequacies in my face with this constant need to protect my panties.

They did not do any bloodwork, something I would like them to remedy when I call because I'm still bleeding. I have no faith that it will miraculously stop, and even if it did...shouldn't we find out why that happened in the first place? I am scheduled for my saline sonohistogram already because there were Saturday dates that disappear quickly and I'd rather not miss school. I mean, it's tempting, as people miss a whole day for one appointment all the time and this is traumatic, but if I'm going to have a freaking hysteroscopy I'll need to take a day so we'll just save it for that. Why not spend my Saturday imaging my broken uterus.

That's the update, if I can even call it that. One more go-round of Depo, more exploratory measures, a pregnancy test that was a joke, and a whole lot of feeling the funk of a body that just won't quit making me feel like shit. I can only hope that these things bring the answers to the surface. I can't take much more of this nonsense.