Three WOMP WOMP Moments

There are some times when I feel like the soundtrack to my life could be Debbie Downer's WOMP, WOMP. Recently, there were three that left me feeling like I need to get placards for me and Bryce to wear that say "REALLY, our life is NOT SAD, we are QUITE HAPPY!"


1. Where I Am Socially Awkward

A few weeks ago, I was delivering copies of the teacher's union newsletter to classrooms. When I volunteered for the newsletter, I thought I was volunteering to help write and edit it, but instead what I had apparently signed on for was literally just delivering it in my building, which I guess is a fine way to serve the union but not exactly my intent.

I went to one person's classroom, wearing my TEACH THEM KINDNESS sweatshirt, and I swear to the heavens that she asked, "Are you pregnant?"

I was, understandably, put off by this question, and I was like, "NO, um, WHY would you think that?" I was thinking my maternity sweatshirt wasn't so sneaky after all.

Then she said, "Well, I just thought that because you were passing them out that you were a part of it, that's all."

OH. She said "Partofit," not "PREGNANT." That made a lot more sense.

I fumbled through saying "Well, I'd like to be part of it, but as of now I am just the delivery person." And then I left, feeling like I had a) misheard weirdly, b) had no idea how to fix it without being weird, and then c) made a plan to try to fix it, that apparently was DEFINITELY weird.

I sent a message through facebook -- I am not friends with this teacher (and I fear I never will be now, ha), so I sent a friend request and a terribly incoherent, rambly message that basically said, "Hey, sorry, I feel like I was super snippy and it's because I thought you said "Are you PREGNANT?" when it turns out you said "Are you part of it," and I was wearing a sweatshirt from Target that just happened to be a maternity sweatshirt, and I was super confused because I had a hysterectomy last year, and that's why I was out for 6 weeks, but I am excited to be a part of the union newsletter and I'm sorry I was awkward. Actually, you probably think I'm crazier for sending this message, so I'm sorry about that too, but I just wanted to explain myself."

Are you shocked that I never heard from her and that the few times I've run into her she (in my crazy mind) makes a concerted effort to not make eye contact with me?

Sigh. Verbal Vomit for the lose.


2. Where Someone Else Is Socially Awkward

When we went "away" (a whopping 20 minutes, but it was enough) for our anniversary, we met another couple at the bed and breakfast. We are REALLY bad at meeting new people in situations like that, but this time, we hit it off with another couple who just happen to live 15 minutes from us. So much so, that each breakfast we ended up chatting with them for a good hour past everyone else.

Our first interaction was a little rough, though.

Everyone at the table was talking about kids and grandkids, and then all the guys were talking about work and military stuff, and then the woman asked, "So, you guys don't have kids, right?"

First off, that's an interesting way to ask that I didn't hate but wondered how it came to be, and then I said, "Nope, we don't have kids."

"Well, as a teacher, you must have your kids at school and that's enough." (I cannot tell you how much I hate this statement, even if it has a note of truth to it, teaching and parenting are very different beasts and one doesn't preclude the other).

"No, actually, we did want kids, it just didn't work out." (See me trying to give minimal information?)

"Oh, I'm so sorry. Did you try adoption?" (I can see that she is honestly, in her mind, being kind and thinking of solutions to this problem, but I can see that this is not going in a direction that I like.)

"Yes, actually, we did do 2 1/2 years of domestic infant adoption..."

"OH! Are you waiting now?" (obvious excitement)

"NO, actually, we DID do the adoption process and it was brutal and followed 5 1/2 years of awful medical treatment experiences and we're actually 2 years or so out from leaving that process behind."

Stunned silence.

"Wow, I'm so sorry... friends of ours did international adoption, do you ever think of that?"

(I would like serious credit for self control here) "Ah, yes -- we did consider that, but everyone chooses different processes for different reasons, and we really wanted to do infant adoption domestically. I don't think a lot of people know how that process actually works, it is so, so hard on the heart. You know, we were considered 6 times and to have that up and down and possibility and then have it dashed over and over, it was just too much. But we are happy, now. Honestly. It took a lot to get to a place where we can be happy after the losses, but we are. It's seriously okay."

"Oh, wow, I had no idea. I'm so sorry. Well... you never know, it could always happen naturally!"

(Internally: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!)

"I DON'T HAVE A UTERUS ANYMORE!"

Well, that shut that conversation down. I felt backed into a corner, and she was actually just oblivious and trying to be helpful, so I decided to go the education route, and then I resorted to yelling about my missing body parts in a quaint historical inn.

The happy ending is that the topic never came up again, we chatted again the second day, exchanged information, and even went out to dinner at our favorite Mexican restaurant last night with their 9 year old daughter, who was a super book fiend and so we had a great time, and this was an unfortunate blip at the beginning of what could be a lovely friendship. But HOLY JEEZUM, that was rough!


3. Where Bryce Faces The Awkwardness

Bryce had a meeting that ended at a local bar where you can play giant Jenga and ping pong and go bowling, all at the same place. It's like a quarter-end thing, a celebration of stuff that's gone well.

He left as they were cutting cake, and was like, "Sorry, I have to go meet my wife at home for dinner, and I'm not a big cake person."

His boss said, "Well, take some cake with you! Bring some home for your wife!"

Bryce said, "Oh, I can't -- she has Celiac disease, so she can't eat it. It wouldn't be nice to bring home cake she can't eat, ha ha!"

Then they said, "Bring some home to your kids!"

Bryce said, "We don't have kids, it's my wife and I at home."

Silence...then, "Bring some for the dog, har har har!"

Bryce sighed. "We don't have a dog, either. I don't think the cat will eat cake, ha..."

He said he felt a palpable WOMP, WOMP in the room, this sort of "Your wife can't eat cake, you have no kids, AND you have no dog? HOW SAD FOR YOU."

It's not often Bryce gets hit with the same sort of stuff I do on the social front, engineers aren't nearly as big on sharing personal details at work the way teachers are, but this one made him frustrated.

"I just wanted to say, BUT OUR LIFE IS AWESOME, PEOPLE!, but I knew they wouldn't believe it."



And that's the thing -- sometimes the awkwardness is ours, sometimes the awkwardness is other people's, but it all stems from this same idea -- that the idea of a life without children is somehow sad, or in need of explanation. I feel like I always want to make it clear that it WAS sad, that it was something we wanted, but that it is no longer quite the tragedy it once once. Because you can't go around being a walking tragedy forever, or no one will want to be near you. It will swallow you up. Eventually, you have to figure out a way to adjust and embrace the new life, whatever it is, because that is what you have.

Maybe I will get a button made that says, "Having kids didn't work out, but LIFE IS GREAT!"

Maybe...not. But yeah, it is, most of the time.