One thing that is making this year tough in terms of exhaustion is the sheer amount of trauma that my students are dealing with. We learned about "vicarious trauma" -- that when your students are going through traumatic events, that you worry about them and think about their situations and can only make school as safe and warm a place as you can but can't make outside of school not sucky, and then you are feeling some of the ripple effects of trauma on the body.
This year I have students who: have been sexually abused, are in mental health crisis, are dealing with new medications for anxiety and depression, are dealing with identity and birth family (especially mental health, drug usage, and death of birth family members), are in foster care, had a family member overdose and die recently, who were adopted from other countries and have attachment issues due to orphanage babyhoods, who sustained major health trauma as a result of their biological history and are dealing with the lifelong impacts of that, who have sustained up to 7 surgeries in 10 years, who believe firmly that their only future is a short one as a drug dealer, whose lives have been disrupted by a new baby in the house that's 13 years younger than them, who had a parent die when they were 2... the list just goes on and on and on.
I am doing some reading on Trauma-Sensitive Classrooms, because while I think I'm a pretty empathetic person I want to make sure that I'm doing all I can to support these kids as they try to get an education while dealing with all of those things. And I want to help others add to their toolboxes for supporting kids who hurt, and who ask for help in less than cuddly ways.
I also feel a little overwhelmed because my classes are full of students who are dealing with aftershocks of foster adoption and international adoption, and it is really driving it home to me how I did not choose those pathways to parenthood for a reason. I absolutely could not do what I do all day with multiple children if I was also helping someone navigate the same trauma at home.
It's weirdly vindicating, but also makes me sad. I do think though that I can give more of myself to help these students gain resiliency and have a safe place in a learning environment than if I was parenting one of them myself. I have to remind myself that as challenging as it is to hear about their trauma and have my heart hurt for their pain, it's so much harder for them to live it.
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I'm sorry to hear all the awful things some of your students are dealing with. There really is a lot more to fostering and adoption than some people realise in terms of the impact on the children. Nara shares a lot about being an adoptee on her own blog plus this post recently which I found particularly interesting; https://zerotozygote.wordpress.com/2019/08/28/reblog-still-grieving-adoptee-losses-what-my-adoptive-parents-could-have-done-differently/
ReplyDeleteWow, thank you so much for sharing this with me. I am totally sharing the blog about Still Grieving Adoptee Losses, because it is so, so powerful. The adoption piece isn't all of the puzzle for my kids who are struggling, but it's a huge part and I wish it was more widely understood. Thank you for this!
DeleteOh wow, that is a lot of trauma in your classrooms. I am pleased for your students that you are so engaged and determined to help them. In that at least, they are lucky. But I know you know that if you're feeling their trauma, you can't help them. So I want to remind you to look after yourself, be kind and gentle to yourself, this year too.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much. Yeah, I need to really, really prioritize selfcare, and I have done a SHIT job of that up until this week. This week was particularly heinous, and Wednesday I came home and was like, "It's a day for 5 Guys burger and fries, wine, and a whole lotta Schitt's Creek on the couch with my blanket and cat." I did NO WORK. I just blobbed out. It was lovely and restorative (although I can't turn to grease and wine for everything! I will leave this year a completely different size!). Thank you.
DeleteWhat a lot going on. My heart got heavy just reading about it. I'm sure you provide all those students a much-needed dose of connection and empathy every school day. I love how you make such a difference in the lives of these young people.
ReplyDeleteThank you. I try so hard to be the empathetic connection person, and it is so exhausting but so worth it. I seriously think that I could not do this AND have my own children. It would not be possible to give so much of myself away each day. Thank you, and yes. Such a heavy heart.
DeleteThat is so tough - that's a huge amount of trauma to be working with in a classroom setting. I'm sorry so many of them have had to deal with such issues so young. It's lovely that you're finding ways to work with them and make school as safe an environment as possible.
ReplyDeleteIt's UNBELIEVABLE. Like, this week blew up to the point where we are now doing a weekly Restorative Circle. It is necessary. I am SO fortunate to be in a district that is supporting the restorative approach, because these children are hurting and it comes out sideways and so lashy, and it can be hard to see that it's coming from a place of pain and not just being a jerk. I am hoping it's a safe place! It felt utterly exhausting this week in particular.
DeleteWow Jess...I can’t even imagine what it must be like for those poor kids...I am so glad they have you! I can absolutely see why it would just drain all your emotional reserves, but also give you so much joy. What a beautiful, but heartbreaking thing.
ReplyDeleteThank you, that's perfect. Beautifully heartbreaking. Heartbreakingly beautiful. It is hard, hard work, but I am so happy that I can do it. Some days WAYYY better than others, though. It is so, so, hard to see them come in with their heavy loads and try to navigate all the things while so weighed down.
DeleteOh my that is A LOT going on in your classrooms. I have a few teacher friends that are also having super tough years with their students and they are just puddles by Friday. Teachers are so severely underpaid.
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