I am admittedly TERRIBLE at taking care of myself. I am a person who has a hard time saying no, and doesn't want to let people down. I will drive myself into the ground trying to do my best job.
I make the wrong call, a lot.
I go in to work when I shouldn't because I don't want to miss instruction, and I think I can soldier through.
It rarely works out well in the long run.
But, for my upcoming hysterectomy, I am going to go conservative. I am going to take the time at the longer end of the range. I am going to nurture myself and take the time for healing. I am not going to try to do too much.
I am going to honor my body -- it hasn't necessarily been my friend, but I need to make nice and treat it gingerly so I can heal and have the best results, and know that I did all I could for myself.
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Gah, it’s such a woman thing, isn’t it? To always put ourselves last and push through and show up to work sick and to say yes to absolutely everyone but ourselves. To feel like taking the time to do anything for ourselves is so indulgent and a waste of time or money. And it’s such bullshit, right?!
ReplyDeleteI am so proud of you for acknowledging that this time you really need to take that time for physical and emotional healing. Because Jess, for everything you have been through especially the last few years, your body is telling you that you need it. And it’s time to listen. Please reach out if there is anything we can virtually do, or if you have a wishlist of things you would like for your recovery. Seriously, I mean that. Lots of love to you lady!!
So agreed...so many women totally run themselves into the ground taking care of everything and everyone else.
DeleteAwww, thanks -- you are too sweet! I don't know what I would even ask for... I am embarrassed to say that my To Read shelf of books I haven't read yet is actually three shelves... I'll be all cozied up on the couch or in bed for a while. So sweet!
I was thinking the same thing as Charlotte! Do you have a wishlist? I'm sure you have plenty of books to read, but one can never have too many... :)
ReplyDeleteCongratulations on giving yourself the gift of rest while you heal and recover from your upcoming procedure. It's not the easiest gift to give oneself. You are amazing and incredible and you give so much to others. Now it's time to give all that love of yours to yourself. <3
Ah, thank you! I have an insane glut of unread books that I think have been saved for just this occasion (or maybe a zombie apocalypse, one or the other). I do love new books though! I don't even know how I would get a wishlist out there! :) But the thought is super sweet. I cannot wait for this rest. And to be DONE with my uterus, done done done done done!
DeleteI am so glad to read this. :) Charlotte is right -- too often, we women soldier on because we know/believe others are counting on us... and we wind up paying for it, one way or another! Please do let us know if there's anything we can do for you while you're in recovery mode! :)
ReplyDeleteYou guys are the best! And yeah, it sucks to be in that caretaker mode and realize that you are but a husk of yourself. :( This time I am going to honor my stupid body and make sure that I am not overdoing it.
DeleteYes! I third Charlotte. I'm so glad you're going to take some much needed prolonged time off for just you. You deserve it.
ReplyDeleteThank you! I am EXHAUSTED. It is a weird thing to look forward to surgery so that you can have some time to legitimately rest and recoup. And also to want to get rid of the damn source of my pain in every possible way. :)
DeleteYes, you should absolutely. Take the time your body needs to heal and don't feel a bit guilty about it!!
ReplyDeleteSooooo hard not to feel guilty, and like I should take less time, but I know that I am a pro at bad judgment when it comes to my own health and sanity, and that if I take the time that I am perfectly within my rights and medical advice to take, that I will heal up and have no weird complications because I just had to run around school like a lunatic. :) I'm doing it!
DeleteI think this is a highly functional strategy. <3
ReplyDeleteThanks, me too!
DeleteI could have sworn I responded to this. Yes! I'm so glad you are going to take care of yourself. I joined an online group, and was appalled at how many women left hospital so quickly, and went back to work way too soon. (Though I guess the US medical and employment systems may have had something to do with that.) My dr was very strict with me about taking it easy. Even to the extent of trying to get me to avoid stairs. (I live in a house with four flights, so that wasn't really possible!)
ReplyDeleteOh man, your house and mine probably aren't that different... we have three floors, three landings, three hallways off the stairs. It's like a coal tower. I think I will have to just stay on one floor for the first few days, and then do ONE move per day for a while. Ugh. I am fortunate in that I have the time and I won't be penalized thanks to a combo of sick time, my contract, and break falling in the middle of the time. I mean, I'm losing a sizeable organ, so that has to count for a chunk of time, right???
DeleteI totally echo many of the other comments and please let us know you have anything you want/need during this time. Glad that you will be taking the time to rest, recover, and heal. So very important.
ReplyDeleteThank you! You guys are so sweet. I'm not sure how to put that out here so that things can mysteriously arrive, and I don't need much! My not-yet-read book shelf is actually three plus a few more scattered about, and I have a stockpile of New Yorkers and People magazines (balance!). I'll have to think on it but just the fact that you guys want to do something for me is such a gift in itself! :)
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