Well, I didn't think I would end up with stupid fatty liver, but honestly I knew that I needed to lose some weight and regain some healthier habits. More than once I said to Bryce that "there's no adult running this ship" -- we were both Yes Men and it was real easy to go along with things that were tasty and convenient, and to say that we deserved it because of all we'd been through.
There's some truth in that thinking...but at the same time, indulgence doesn't come without consequence. The treats became the norms -- the buffalo chicken dip, the klondike bars, the chips and onion dip, the bacon cheeseburgers with blue cheese and a ground beef/pork mix -- and I forgot I wasn't 25 anymore.
There's a flip side, too, though. It feels like everything was always Do This, Don't Do That with infertility, and there were restrictions on our time, our money, our diets...and so it seems that to cut good food and good wine out is to cut out a big part of what's enjoyable to us and something that we can enjoy more BECAUSE we don't have children. So there's a little resentment about that.
Part of me though wonders why I took such good care of my body when I was hoping to harbor a tiny potential person in there, and then when that became impossible I just dropped some of the healthier habits, because it was "just me."
Aren't I worth that care, too?
And can't we balance out the fancy decadent dinners and amazing wine with nights where we have salmon and wild rice and brussells sprouts, and nights where we go to the gym and have grilled chicken and veggies?
Balance. It all got out of balance when we developed raging Fuckititis and forgot to have at least one adult on the ship at all times instead of a crew of Peter Pans, and ended up in a "Feast every day, no feast" situation.
We're headed back into balance. We are doing the responsible thing, but also allowing ourselves to steer the ship into Pleasure Island now and then, too. We've got to have SOME total hedonistic fun while getting back to a healthier place, right? And we still sleep in on the weekend, until someone tells us that THAT is detrimental to our health, too.
Want to read more #Microblog Mondays, probably shorter ones than this 19-sentence cheaterpants post? Go here and enjoy!