Monday, February 12, 2018

#Microblog Mondays: There's No Adult Running This Ship



When we decided to end our journey to parenthood as childfree-not-by-choice, we developed a serious case of Fuckititis. It was quite lovely, actually, because we decided that if we couldn't have a baby, if we couldn't have the dream of a family of our own after trying so hard for so long...well, then we'd make it a point not to deny ourselves the simple pleasures we COULD control in our lives. So we slept in, we drank delicious wine, we decided to go out to fancy dinners on the spur of the moment for no reason at all -- basically we decided that after 8 years of constriction in one way or another that we'd just let loose. 

Well, I didn't think I would end up with stupid fatty liver, but honestly I knew that I needed to lose some weight and regain some healthier habits. More than once I said to Bryce that "there's no adult running this ship" -- we were both Yes Men and it was real easy to go along with things that were tasty and convenient, and to say that we deserved it because of all we'd been through. 

There's some truth in that thinking...but at the same time, indulgence doesn't come without consequence. The treats became the norms -- the buffalo chicken dip, the klondike bars, the chips and onion dip, the bacon cheeseburgers with blue cheese and a ground beef/pork mix -- and I forgot I wasn't 25 anymore. 

There's a flip side, too, though. It feels like everything was always Do This, Don't Do That with infertility, and there were restrictions on our time, our  money, our diets...and so it seems that to cut good food and good wine out is to cut out a big part of what's enjoyable to us and something that we can enjoy more BECAUSE we don't have children. So there's a little resentment about that. 

Part of me though wonders why I took such good care of my body when I was hoping to harbor a tiny potential person in there, and then when that became impossible I just dropped some of the healthier habits, because it was "just me." 

Aren't I worth that care, too? 

And can't we balance out the fancy decadent dinners and amazing wine with nights where we have salmon and wild rice and brussells sprouts, and nights where we go to the gym and have grilled chicken and veggies? 

Balance. It all got out of balance when we developed raging Fuckititis and forgot to have at least one adult on the ship at all times instead of a crew of Peter Pans, and ended up in a "Feast every day, no feast" situation. 

We're headed back into balance. We are doing the responsible thing, but also allowing ourselves to steer the ship into Pleasure Island now and then, too. We've got to have SOME total hedonistic fun while getting back to a healthier place, right? And we still sleep in on the weekend, until someone tells us that THAT is detrimental to our health, too.

Want to read more #Microblog Mondays, probably shorter ones than this 19-sentence cheaterpants post? Go here and enjoy!

9 comments:

  1. I’m going to counter your statement about taking care of your body when someone else could be involved but when it was just you you dropped everything. I don’t think it was about you not caring about yourself. I think it was after years of doing everything right and still coming out without what you were breaking yourself for, you decided to give yourself permission to have a break. No granted, I agree that balance is needed, but lady you and Bryce went through hell. The Fuckittitis came because you were healing.

    The Fatty Liver diagnosis just plain sucks and I know that you will get on top of it. But do not beat yourself up for those simple pleasures. To reset to this new balance you first needed to allow the pendulum to swing back the other way. Frankly, I don’t see that as unhealthy or loving yourself less at all.

    Hugs to you. You got this

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  2. I so get what you're saying. It's no wonder that you came down with F-ititis after all you'd been through.

    I also get this, and I needed to hear it. "indulgence doesn't come without consequence."

    So now you are finding balance, which is a pretty good consequence of all of this. So SLEEP IN!

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  3. It’s easy to get over indulgent. We got into a habit of eating pie every day last year. Finally kicked that habit when Mr Turtle went on a no sugar diet. I hope you can find ways to pamper yourself without all the calories.

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  4. I'm afraid my husband and I still (or again) suffer from Fuckititis! Partly because of redundancies, and other things. But you're right, balance is good, andi need to find it again. Thanks for the reminder.

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  5. It's go let go off the balance if you are enjoying the moment. There are many decisions in my life which at that point made total sense but at a later point I wonder why I did that. Truth is we do what is best for us at that point of time. So it is okay. Of course, consequence is always there. Happy to hear that you are regaining balance. :)

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  6. As Grandma used to say, “Mideration in all things...including moderation.” You’re lucky you got a wake up call before a serious health crisis came along. You can do this! And feeling good is a great reward. Go for it!

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  7. I understand all too well the lure of Fuckititis! Mine isn't related to health. Rather, it's a 'getting shit done' case of fuckititis (FI). There are a lot of details going unaddressed in my life these days that pre-FI me would never have let go. I think your comment about balance is spot-on. I need more balance in my life. Now I need to offer myself enough grace to move forward when the balance fails!

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  8. I think that Fuckitis happens to everyone and for you guys, it happened so that you could mentally focus on dealing with the loss of a big dream that you had carried around for 8 years. I think that you can still indulge in a lot of ways (sleeping in being one of the best ones), but balance that with eating a bit healthier. You've got this!

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