We pretty much decided that we'd be tree-less, but we could put presents around the fireplace. We have garlands on the windows and mantle, and glass icicles hanging from the windows and sliding glass door, so it's not like it wasn't Christmassy, it was just...no tree.
|Cozy hearth, just no tree.|
|The shed with lights and the tree that has doubled in size in 5 years...|
I won't lie, it made me feel a bit down. Last Sunday I was real sad. Sobby, mopey, lie-facedown-on-the-floor sad. I can't remember what triggered it exactly, but I'm sure it has something to do with our first Christmas knowing absolutely that we will be living without children for the rest of our lives, and so there's a certain extra sting in that. Then not having a tree, it made me sad because I don't want to be like, "oh, we're busy, we don't have time" and then lose all our traditions. That would suck.
My mom and stepfather came over for Christmas on Thursday evening since they are traveling up to my sister's for the holiday and then making rounds in Canada, then a whole bunch of other family stops on their way to Florida. Because we are also traveling, we'll miss each other, so we did the holiday thing early. I came home from school and picked up the house, vacuuming and lighting yummy holiday candles and setting the table and trying to get my grading in before they got there. Bryce said he had an errand to run if I didn't mind, if things were in good shape, so he didn't get home until 6:10 when we had to swap cars. Oh, single driveway, what fun you are.
But then he opened his trunk, and said, "TA-DAAAAA!"
In the trunk was the most adorable little 4-foot tree ever. I was so silent at first that he thought I was mad at him for bringing a tree right before my parents were coming over, but I was just shocked, in a good way.
And then he told me this story:
Today, at work, a coworker was saying how they didn't have a tree until now because her husband was working on Christmas and wouldn't be there, and it was all so depressing, but that she had to get the tree for her kids, that if it was just her and her husband she wouldn't have cared but Christmas is all about the kids, you know? It's not for adults. It's the magic in children that makes Christmas a thing. And I got SO MAD, because it's NOT just for children, or people with children, it's for EVERYONE who celebrates it. And I told her that, and then I realized she didn't know that we weren't adopting anymore (because Bryce is not nearly as verbal-vomitty about that as I am), but I guess now it's clear. Then I said, "I have to leave and go get my wife a tree! Dammit, we deserve a freaking tree!"
I love this man, so much.
And that is how we managed to get a Christmas tree, perfectly sized for our hobbit house, four days before Christmas. We are decorating it tonight, and then when we leave for our trip we'll take down the ornaments and put it outside with birdseed ornaments on it and hope the squirrels don't get it all.
I wish for you these little moments of holiday cheer, of warm glows where it seems a bit dark.