And so it begins...today we had our department meeting that kicks off Annual Review season, when Special Education teachers bunker down and live in a sea of paperwork and due dates and meetings.
It's a very stressful time. Add to that the whole National Board thing and regular lesson planning/grading and APPR stuff, and I am hyperventilating already.
Then, THEN figure in that I don't know when I'm going to go out on maternity leave...will it be while I'm still writing IEPs? Will it be after they're written but I won't be able to do my own meetings? Should I schedule my meetings early so I can try to be psychic and beat whatever the Universe throws down, or schedule them late so if I do go out my sub will have a chance to learn my kids and have as much of my paperwork in as possible?
I realize in the grand scheme of things, that these meetings and all the associated paperwork are small potatoes and shouldn't be my top priority. But, I can't help but feel like if I am actually going to go out this year, that I want to go out in good shape, with this piece of things tied up neatly in a bow.
I think about this too when I'm thinking about the novels I teach in the spring, and wondering if I'll actually get to teach them to this group. Again, shouldn't be my top priority, but I can't help wondering and feeling just a little sad not to have a crystal ball to tell me what I'll get to be a part of and what I won't, all while knowing that if I miss things at school it's because I'm getting to experience the dream we've had for over six years and it's finally coming to pass.
All this uncertainty and not-knowing makes me extraordinarily uncomfortable, and so I am having to spend an extra amount of effort in trying to stay in the present, to just live in the now, to not extrapolate out too far. Wish me luck.
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I hate not knowing. I don't do well with uncertainty. I feel your pain!
ReplyDeleteThanks for commiserating! I suspect my own hatred of not knowing is that feeling of loss of control. I'm trying to roll with it but man it tests me!
DeleteUgh. Ditto!
ReplyDeleteLuck. Good. Yes!
Thank you! Ugh is right. Although I think all my meetings are going to be in March, so maybe I can get them all over with quick and be done with it? I hope?
DeleteUgh is right! Honestly, take it one step at a time. Right your reports and add some notes as you go. Plan for the future the best you can. And hang in there. Periods like this are super stressful. But you've got this.
ReplyDeleteThank you! I do have a ridiculously organized binder and checklist and whatnot to keep me going, but right now I am paralyzed by not having drafts to work with yet. I might have to beg the clerical staff to make me a priority for that, so I don't lose my mind... :) But you're so right. Incremental progress is the way to go!
DeleteYikes! Lots and lots of luck to you - I'm really bad at living in the moment (patience is not one of my strong points), so I know how tough it can be. Sending tons of good energy your way!
ReplyDeleteThanks for the good energy! I have to really work at living in the moment, which might be an oxymoron... :) I am patient but hate not having control. Sigh. It will all work out in time, I just may be a little loony in the meantime...
DeleteGood luck. It is just one of the things that people don't think about when they dole out the advice, "just adopt!" While no one can know how their year will unfold, you are truly at the mercy of an unknown calender.
ReplyDeleteSeriously. It's funny, because I keep running into people who want to know updates, and I am always like, "Nope, no update, it's all unknown until it turns into a runaway train...until then we wait." It kind of makes me happy to keep sharing with people the realities of adoption and the "hurry up and wait" piece of things. Time to embrace the unknown and try not to worry about all the what ifs!
DeleteOr calendar when I'm not typing quickly and then seeing the word as I hit publish.
ReplyDeleteI think the extra effort you are putting in to stay in the moment is a good thing, a tough thing, but a good thing. Ugh! Follow your heart and go with your gut on when to schedule the conferences. Sometimes it is also a little out of your hands if the parents may not be able to attend the meetings and if they have to be adjusted. Try as you may to go with the flow, kind of like tubing on a river. At least that is my visual in these kinds of situations when you want to get organized, but so much is out of your hands. Focus on what you can control. Good luck! You can do this!
ReplyDeleteThe unknowns are so frustrating. Wishing you lots and lots of luck and patience and strength through all of this.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much! Unknowns drive me batty, but it's good practice for mindfulness/living in the practice, which I keep trying to do with fidelity and just am NOT wired that way. Deep breaths, but I know it will get done even with these unknown factors lurking in the ether.
DeleteI remember all that uncertainty - I had all these grand plans of becoming a director and then we had a match and I couldn't plan anything - as it happened - we got a call a month before we expected it and hopped on a plane in a matter of hours..... I
ReplyDeleteWow...it really is amazing how there can be waiting waiting waiting and then BOOM. Action. I guess I just embrace the not-knowing and get done what I can while I can. (Cue anxiety)
DeleteSometimes I just intentionally make myself think that this too shall pass. That helps. Whatever times we may be in, it passes :)
ReplyDeleteWise words! Everything passes eventually. Breathe, breathe, breathe and know things will play out as they will. Thank you for the grounding!
DeleteI think your situation is a bug different, but if IEP means something like 'individual plan" then I kind of get it, although I don't know what all those acronyms mean exactly. Uncertainty is hard to live with but don't worry, you'll get better with practice. Because it doesn't go away when you add a child onto your list of priorities. My only advice wrt to paperwork, teaching life etc. is don't worry about stupid things. You will probably know exactly what the stupid things are if you are very honest with yourself.
ReplyDeleteOh dear, I acronymed myself! Yup, IEP is "Individualized Education Plan," and this is the season when we write all the new ones for 2016-2017 and have the associated meetings and pow-wows about service levels and courses and the transition from 8th grade to 9th, in my case. I'm sure putting a child in the mix will give me tons of practice with loss of control and uncertainty, ha! :) Sometimes I get confused on what the stupid things are, but you're right -- with brutal honesty you know. Thanks for your thoughts!
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