Follow me on the crazy, hopeful, discouraging, funny, and ultimately successful (one way or another) path to parenthood while facing infertility.

Monday, January 25, 2016

#Microblog Monday: The Phone Did Ring

A couple days ago I wrote a post about how Bryce and I were going to handle profile opportunities. And I freely admitted that we would lie when we had one until it was all over, for better or for sad. 

Well, the phone rang on January 5th, and we received our very first profile opportunity. 

I was woefully underprepared...I hadn't printed the form, I didn't even have pants on when I rushed downstairs to get a notebook (I had come home from school right after dismissal due to a migraine and gone to bed, who wears pants to bed?), and I was freezing. But I was SO EXCITED to get a call (migraine? what migraine?). 

We agreed that it was a profile opportunity we'd go for, so after talking to Bryce we called back and said, "Yes! Put us in the mix!" 

The expectant mother picked up the books the next day, and we waited. 

And waited and waited, and every little time period that passed was a teensy tiny victory -- 

     - we made it past picking up the books (what if she left books behind that she just didn't like the look of and we were out right from the start?)
     - we made it past a weekend
     - we made it past TWO weekends

And then...we got the followup call on this past Friday, just over two weeks since our books had been in her possession...my heart in my throat, unsure what to expect. 

We weren't chosen. 

I was really surprised at how I felt -- disappointed, for sure, but not devastated. This wasn't our baby. 

I did ask if they could tell me anything about why we weren't picked, or why the family who was picked "won out," and they said that all they could tell me was that she felt the family she picked reminded her of her own family. 

Well, not much we can do about that. 

I have no idea how many other books were in the mix--strangely, I didn't feel that would make a difference in knowing. If only one book is to be chosen in the end, what does it matter if it was out of three or out of nine? I just wanted to know that someone had our book in their hands and was looking it over, deciding whether or not we were THE parents for her unborn child.

There it was -- our first profile opportunity, come and gone, complete with a two week waiting period where we managed NOT to go crazy (although I definitely turned it over in my head a hell of a lot more than Bryce). We went into it knowing it could mean everything, or it could mean nothing. 

But it didn't quite mean nothing. We are profile-able. We CAN get calls. We WILL get another call. And maybe it will be THE call. I can at least hope that I will have printed the form (which I still haven't done) I will have pants on, and I will know a little better what to expect. 

17 comments:

  1. I'm sorry this wasn't your baby, if just so that you could get past this time period quickly. I think you guys seem like awesome people and I'm sure someone will see you as the parents for the baby they are placing.

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  2. Pants or not, I'm so proud of you for the way you've handled this first nibble (there will be more, of course!). Really inspiring how you stayed present and positive. Good practice for what's to come!

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  3. I'm so sorry this wasn't the call you were waiting for. I think you outlook is a good one, filled with wisdom and mindfulness, so hoping this period of disappointment passes. Because you will get another call. And one day soon, that call will lead to your child.

    Sending hugs in the meantime.

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  4. You are very wise to treat it as a good sign! :) You are pick-able! :) :) So much so!!!

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  5. I love how you always look for the silver lining! While I'm sorry this wasn't YOUR call, I'm still happy you were able to take away some positives from the situation. Sending tons of good energy your way, in the hopes that your pants-wearing call will happen soon! :)

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  6. Awww Jess. Big Hugs. I really admire how strong and brave you are, writing all this out and letting us all see, because I imagine it is very very hard live through, let alone share it. I am sorry that this wasn't THE call, but pray that someday soon it will be, and that Mystery Baby becomes YOUR baby!!

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  7. I'm sorry that it wasn't THE call but I think it's a good sign that you got A call. Maybe next time you will be wearing pants- then again it would make for a good story. :-)

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  8. I'm glad there is some action on the profiling front, even if this was "the" profile opportunity. I hope you can keep up your great attitude and that the stars align soon!!

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  9. I'm sorry this wasn't the one you've been waiting for. You amaze me with your wonderful attitude and will be hoping for you and Bryce to get THE call soon.

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  10. I found myself holding my breath as I read, so I can only imagine how living it for two weeks must have felt. I disappointment, but you learned so much from the experience, and I hope that brings you peace of heart as you continue along.

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  11. A full on undressed rehearsal, opening night light, replete with the wait for reviews.

    Your positive outlook will serve you well. Another call shall come. Congratulations on holding it all together.

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  12. Sounds like you handled this well, no pants and all. Here's to hoping THE call is coming soon and this was just a reminder to keep the faith (and pants by your bed :) hehe!

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  13. I've enjoyed reading about this part of your journey. I've been a "silent" reader for some time now, and I feel like you have made strides, leaps and bounds in your story/life/journey. Keeping my fingers crossed for you!

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  14. " ...she felt the family she picked reminded her of her own family.

    Well, not much we can do about that."

    This suddenly struck me how personal it must feel, how judged you must feel. But then, as you say, there's not much you can do about it. And ultimately, the birth mothers' choices are going to be all about them, their backgrounds and family experiences and histories, good and bad, rather than a judgement about you. So I love your attitude. There's nothing further you can do. It's just a matter of the mother and baby finding you. Thinking of you in your wait.

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  15. I love your attitude and I like that you are so positive. I wan't aware of profiling. Never heard of that but as Mali said above - it's the choice of the birth mother.
    I am so sure you will get that one call very soon for which you have been waiting. Take care and hugs!

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  16. Thank you for sharing the story of your first call. I'm sorry that you and Bryce were not chosen. However, it sounds like you have a great attitude about the process. Sending thoughts your way for another call!

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  17. Congratulations on making it through the first time! And on staying positive. xoxo

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