Everyone told us the wait would be hard. That it's full of uncertainty, that you second guess yourself all the time.
Now it's been five months and change and we haven't received a single call...we are just waiting, waiting, waiting.
Here's the thing, though -- we're not all that upset.
I was looking at adoption-related photo shoots on Pinterest, and there was one that had a quote beneath it:
"Find the joy in the waiting, not the burden."
We are doing our best to live in the joy camp (although a little nervousness about the possibility of waiting for a really long time with no calls is probably normal, right?). We are enjoying this time. We are using it to really nurture our relationship -- to go out to dinners, to do things spur-of-the-moment, to be romantic and live in this gloriously needle-free present. We want a clearly defined BEFORE and AFTER, where BEFORE isn't full of sad sapness and longing for what we don't have over enjoying this freedom in the time that we have to enjoy each other before AFTER brings us joy and sleepnessness and poop and snuggles and a welcome tectonic shift in the life we've shared for almost 10 years.
We do have strategies while we wait -- things to keep us connected to the process and give us a sense of we're expecting:
- We requested an adoption mentor to help us navigate this time and speak freely about sensitive concerns, which has been extraordinarily helpful
- We go to the agency events, such as the holiday party a week ago, so we can meet both couples who have already adopted and those who are also waiting...and envision ourselves there, in a future year, with our own little bundle
- We continue reading about and discussing different aspects of adoption
- We continue readying our nursery and "nesting," getting our home cleared of as much clutter as possible so we can make space for all the mats and pillows and toys that will fill our home with stuff (and joy)
- We call into the agency every once in a while to ask questions and get information and basically keep our names current, hoping that when that situation comes up that fits us, that we get remembered and put "in the mix," although quite honestly they are so lovely to talk to I'd be tempted to call just to chat (maybe, I turn into a blathering, blubbering idiot every time I call...)
We haven't waited that long so far, and while we are hoping we get at least an initial call soon, the call will come when it's time. When FutureBaby is ready to come to us. And man, will we be ready for that amazing moment.
Want to read more #Microblog Mondays? Go here and enjoy!
In India we say that the more you wait, the sweeter are the results. I can feel that waiting seems longer but you are doing all the right things. Good luck! :)
ReplyDeleteHope the phone rings super soon :)
so glad you are not experiencing the wait as a terrible burden. Since life and time are finite it's best to enjoy all parts, although that's sometimes easier said than done. You have such a good attitude.
ReplyDeleteI'm so impressed with your attitude. I love that you guys are out enjoying life and not waiting around for the phone call. It will come. And when you get the call it will be amazing.
ReplyDeleteKudos to you for being proactive during this time of waiting. I hope your call comes at the most amazing time possible.
ReplyDeleteLike everyone else, I too am impressed with your attitude and thoughtfullness. When the call comes it not only be amazing but you, your home, your lives will be ready for the joy.
ReplyDeleteAnticipation of the family member to come is a sweet to be savored slowly. Yes, enjoy the freedom of unfettered coupleness while you can! :) Being a parent, while joyful, will be a busy busy busy busy hectic ride. Love you!
ReplyDeleteI think that's important to find the joy in the time because it can all change so quickly. A friend got the call and the baby had already been born and she had 12 hours to get ready and get on the road. And it was this mad-dash day -- great but also it makes you realize that once the waiting is over, the waiting is OVER and you're thrown into the next phase of life sometimes without a lot of notice.
ReplyDeleteI used to stop and wonder about the convergence. I could see where our path had been and was going. I tried to imagine it intersecting with the baby we'd eventually parent, and the people who would bring her into the world.
ReplyDeleteTurns out our daughter was conceived while we were in Paris. Of course, we didn't know it at the time, but it sure is fun to say, and to think back on the impending convergence!
Echoing all above. I think your outlook is both amazing and wise. May this period be one you can look back on with many fond memories. Because you are expecting, even if the exact due date isn't clear.
ReplyDelete