Follow me on the crazy, hopeful, discouraging, funny, and ultimately successful (one way or another) path to parenthood while facing infertility.

Sunday, April 6, 2014

Everything All At Once

It's here, it's finally here. Egg Boot Camp has kicked into high gear because I am MAKING EGGLES AS WE SPEAK. I take my third round of shots tonight, and I head into one of the craziest weeks I think I could have planned ever.

I actually didn't plan it this way, it's just everything sort of piled up at once. This is kind of what happens to us, every single cycle. There is always something else going on at the time, usually some kind of family crisis (knock on wood that doesn't add itself in). During cycles I have had my grandmother end up in the hospital, I've had to put my beloved cat to sleep, I've had family in from out of town, the list goes on.

This time it's just an insane week. I try really hard to frontload myself so that the week of my stimming and whatnot I am all planned and everything is pretty easy. I mean, everything is all planned anyway, in my head, but I try to make sure that everything is ON PAPER planned and all my stuff is done ahead of time and I don't have any major grading to do and I can sit and there's not much that will keep me after school. I plan to be a slacker, which I most certainly am NOT most of the time. I was both bummed and excited that my retrieval window falls during April Break. Excited because I wouldn't have to worry about sub plans or missing school and I could truly relax. Bummed because THIS IS THE GOOD BREAK, the one where all my IEPs are written and there's not much work I have to do for school. A true respite. And now it is going to be spent driving back and forth to Buffalo and feeling pretty crappy and being all woozy from anesthesia. But, it means the only frontloading I had to do was for this coming week, the Stimming Week.

Except, I am actually out two days this week for annual reviews. Tuesday I sit in on the 7th grade Special Class annual reviews because these will be my 8th graders for Reading and English next year. So not the most stressful of days, since I sit there smiling at students and parents, take notes on things to help me plan for next year, and then give my spiel about my program and what to expect. The stressful part comes from the sub plans for the day and being away from my students. If you are not a teacher, you don't get that it is SO MUCH MORE WORK to be out of school and write sub plans than it is to just be there. I worked in the corporate world for 10 years, and if I was out I didn't have to give a play-by-play of what needed to happen in my absence, every moment of the day, to keep everything going. This week, I have TWO days of sub plans--Tuesday, when I sit in, and then Thursday, when I run the show for my Resource Room annual reviews. And miss my classes all day again. And hope to goodness that I don't have to go in for monitoring.

I am terrified that I am going to have to go in for monitoring on Thursday, and I have such a tiny window for it. I can't go to Buffalo that day, because these meetings were set up months ago and involve 7 sets of parents. My first meeting is at 8:30, so I can't do ultrasound monitoring before school because my OB/GYN doesn't open until 8 for ultrasound and I won't make it. I do have a window from 9:00-10:30, and so if I absolutely have to I can scoot out then and pray I make it back in time for my next meeting. NO STRESS OR ANYTHING.

The monitoring has me a little weirded out, because I am used to having both bloodwork and ultrasound about every three days, then every other day, then every day until retrieval. I started stims on Friday, and I go in just for bloodwork on Monday. No ultrasound. Then I might have an ultrasound midweek or it might be just bloodwork again, and then by the end of the week I will go in for an ultrasound. At my trial transfer they mentioned that they'd want me to go in for monitoring in Buffalo by the weekend, possibly sooner. What? YIKES! I had to send a panicked text to my doctor begging that if I have to do monitoring before Friday, that it be in Rochester and that it please, please not be Thursday April 10th. I will make it work if it has to be, but if there's any way to make it Wednesday or Friday instead I am really hoping it can be, for my state of mind, for my stress level...and because those meetings are kind of the culminating event of the school year for special education teachers. A lot of work goes into crafting a quality IEP and making everything come together for a meaningful discussion about this year and goals for next year. I can't get a sub for that, as I am the ringmaster. I'd have to reschedule everyone, and that would be HORRIBLE, especially last minute. Luckily my awesome doctor said he'd do all he could and put it in my chart to avoid 4/10. On top of all that stress, our district decided to have 8th grade state ELA test scoring on the FIRST TWO DAYS BACK FROM BREAK. Which is horrible planning, because we all have to have sub plans on our desks on Friday. And it stinks not to be able to start back up after the break full swing and go into the fourth quarter guns blazing. Pfffft.

So, odd monitoring schedules aside, there's one last thing I've put on our plates this week...Bryce's 40th birthday party is Saturday. I PROBABLY COULD HAVE TIMED THAT BETTER, but I really didn't plan it to coincide with the weekend before retrieval. That happened later. Again, I'm trying to have as much done as possible before the day so all I have to do is pick up all the various goodies we'll have at the party and set things up and... whoosh. Then it will be party time and we'll have Bryce's parents in from out of town. They aren't staying with us, they're staying in a hotel. I am immensely grateful for that, because I am going to be BEAT after the party. I am so excited for it, and I will write all about it after and post pictures because I am so excited for how fun it will be, but I can't write about it now because a certain someone tends to read my blog from time to time. :)

So, off like a shot. A ginormous 375 unit Follistim shot, plus a 10 unit insulin needle shot of HCG (Solution X). I am used to being on less meds and I am used to being on a split between Menopur and Follistim, so it doesn't seem like so much all at once. Definitely never started at higher than 300 though. So that worries me a bit with the lax monitoring schedule, but I have decided to Put My Trust In My Team. I am going to keep track of stuff and report if something's not right, but I am NOT going to over-manage my care this time. I am going to do what I'm told and try to interfere less. DROP THE CONTROL-FREAKINESS, MISSY. We'll see how that pans out.

In the meantime, I am proud of how I've done with Egg Boot Camp, and I've put it into high gear for the actual stimming. Wheatgrass shots started Friday and so my commute has to take the need for a gross green shot into account. Another reason to leave school as close to contract time as possible so that I can fit all this crap in. I am not having any caffeine (no coffee, no caffeinated tea, no chocolate, which is just about killing me since it's Easter Candy Time...). I am trying to limit my sugar intake. Not NO sugar, which is virtually impossible, but LOW sugar. It was warm and sunny today and I wanted ice cream in the worst way... no ice cream for me. I think I might run out to Trader Joe's though and get some of their Honey full fat greek yogurt, because that is LIKE ice cream but with less sugar. No candy. No desserts, minus the cupcake on Bryce's party day. I FEEL LIKE A NUN! A FOOD NUN! But, this is a 12 day period. I can do this for 12 days. And if I screw up, it's minimal. The point is to limit, not deny completely. I really, really want to feel like I did everything. I'm true to my acupuncture schedule, and I love it this time around. Very relaxing, and I feel like I'm doing everything possible for my eggle harvest. I am going to stack my deck as much as possible. Go, eggles, go!

There it is... the start of stimming, the beginning of another beginning. A stressful week that ends in a party that once it's started will be a great kickoff to Spring Break. A lack of monitoring that will actually be good for my obsessive self. An attempt to control less and just...be. Be present in this cycle, don't compare it, don't obsess about it, just try to do the best for my plump little ovaries. Good luck to me on all accounts... this is going to be challenging in its own right, but I feel ready. Let's hope this is one heck of a week!

14 comments:

  1. Oh wow! SO hoping that your eggs/ovaries perform exactly the way you want them to. And also hoping that somehow, the busy schedule helps the process - like maybe by creating a distraction and helping the time go by fast? Maybe?

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    1. Thanks, Em! I have plenty of distraction, that's for sure. Today flew by. I could use slightly less distraction, but it's all good! Thanks for stopping by and I will try to think of all the stuff piling on top of each other as distractions helping me on the cycle, not suffocating me... ;-)

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  2. I can't believe it's already here!

    I totally get you on the sub plans. I'd rather go to school most days than have to try to figure out what needs to be planned for where when I'm sitting from the comfort of my home. You have put so much in to this cycle...what's a few days of stress!? :) Hopefully, it keeps your mind off of that controlling of the cycle. I've already wanted to redirect my dosage, so it's a good reminder to put my faith in the experts....We'll just sit back and stress about sub plans! I've got all my crossables crossed for you! :)

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    1. Right? Argh to sub plans! I think that the powers that be have decided that I really, really need to appreciate the break. :) I agree, I will use the busyness to keep me from thinking about how to control stuff... and ME TOO on the dosage! But I kept it quiet. They've dropped me to 350 now, which makes me a bit more comfortable, but HOLY CANNOLIS the bloating took off full speed ahead today. I put a pair of pants on this morning and was all pleased with myself, and by TEN they were excruciatingly stuffed feeling and I could feel my ovaries. Sigh. So, crossing my crossables for you, too--I hope you had a wonderful baseline and you're off like a shot (ha ha HA) too!

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  3. What a busy time...in almost all ways possible (let's keep the almost for sure). Glad that egg boot camp is in full swing and praying that you have great results from it.

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    1. Thank you Michelle! I am hoping to reap awesome results from this Egg Boot Camp. At the very least, I can't beat myself up for not having done more. I am feeling the burn on this one, so to speak! I hope things are moving ahead for you, too, lady.

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  4. Fingers and toes and arms and legs and eyes crossed for a successful set of eggles!!

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    1. Thanks, Katie! I'm off to a good start, first bloodwork had estrogen at 379. I have no idea what that means comparable to past cycles because I AM DETERMINED NOT TO DO THAT THIS TIME. It's driving me nuts though. I will trust the process and do my best to let it go. Thanks for the cheerleading! Go, eggles, goooooo! (Or grow, eggles, grooooooooow!)

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  5. Hey Jess---Totally hear you on the sub plans...they are the worst! It always takes me half a day to plan for one day gone. Blech! SOOOO hoping this boot camp works wonders! Rooting for you all the way!

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    1. Thanks, Kelsey! I hope so too. There are so many things that have to come together for this cycle, but I hope I can at least influence my eggles to be superstars! :) Thanks for the cheering and the commiseration on sub plans. :)

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  6. Rock on eggs! And if you *do* slip up and eat something not-perfect, remember: it's totally okay. So says the woman who is analyzing the ingredients in her shampoo presently...sigh.

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    1. Thanks! Yeah, I almost ate a Dove chocolate square at one of the meetings today, but I didn't! Go me! I hear you on the shampoo. One time I went natural/organic on everything, including deodorant. So not a fan of natural deodorant, and neither was anyone within a 10 foot radius of me. So frustrating that people who eat doritos and food coloring and drink coffee and beer can get pregnant but the rules all change when you're infertile!!! Grrr. Good luck with your shampoo quest!

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  7. I was stressed out just reading this, let alone living it. You are pretty amazing for doing so well at Egg Boot Camp--it's an intense program. But it's inspiring me for my upcoming cycle. I was motivated in the first part of the year, but I've been slacking. Good luck this week, have fun at the party, and most importantly, GROWWWWWW!

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    1. Thank you! You know, I am my own worst enemy. I totally made up Egg Boot Camp, but based on all the things I heard could help (minus going dairy free, just can't. Nope, can't). Probably moderation on all things (except alcohol and coffee during the menstrual cycle that you're stimming, that's apparently a big nono across the board in my varied research) would be fine, but I need to know that I did as much as I could to make this optimal. So I don't blame myself later. A little sad, a little sick, but true. I hope I am not causing you anxiety! I don't want to do a "This is My Plan and It Should Be Yours Too" thing because I've fallen for that before and it causes massive stress. Good luck to you! Thanks for the cheering!

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