What I do remember is being at some celebration for me and Bryce, and people put up a slideshow of our life, and every single picture was from our baby shower or the dismantling of our nursery. I remember watching the photos go by and thinking, "hey, this isn't quite right," and then the tone of the room changed and became almost hostile. I was crying and felt like we were being unnecessarily tortured, and I couldn't figure out why.
Then I woke up, and had this grief hangover that lingered for hours.
I have no idea what triggered this
It was not a good feeling. Just goes to show how deep the roots of grief and loss run. Fortunately, the horrid reopening of fresh pain was transient and didn't linger past the day after. Which goes to show that the further into resolution I get, the less these moments have (lasting) power over me.
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Oh no. Hugs! I hate dream hangovers. I had one recently. Fortunately I can't remember it in any detail now, and I'm not going to try.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad it didn't linger. And as you thought even in your dream - "this isn't right." You know your life is so much more than your infertility/quest for children journey.
It's almost like an after-shock of an earthquake, isn't it? Less than the original, but still making itself known.
ReplyDeleteSupporting you as you let it all continue to move. You inspire me.
This post reminds me why it's so important for me to keep writing and talking and grieving out loud. As peaceful and well-adjusted as I am currently feeling, my losses are undefinably huge and feelings about them will resurface at times. Thankfully, things don't linger like they used to.
ReplyDeleteAbiding with you <3
oh gosh, how awful!
ReplyDeleteThankfully it passes.
ReplyDeletePeace and grace.
That sounds like an awful dream. It's hard when grief comes on involuntarily like that. Wishing you peace as you work through these aftershocks.
ReplyDelete