#Microblog Mondays: Ah, I Misunderstood

I have been fighting stomach bug/food poisoning issues for around 5 days now, which is extraordinarily aggravating, especially since it coincided with a lovely visit from Bryce's parents (mom and stepdad, we both say "parents" and mean either set/entity of our divorced parents). Thursday was the kickoff with some spectacular violent vomiting after bone-in chicken bbq that PERHAPS wasn't quite done in the middle, followed by 24 hours of chills, full-body aches, malaise, and a general feeling that I was both going to die and could be a real-world pandemic Patient Zero. But then I was fine Saturday, went about things like normal, and Sunday morning was good too...but Sunday afternoon's pizza dinner didn't sit well and I felt nauseous again and unsettled, but this time the violent purging was southerly, accompanied by pain, and it just keeps on plaguing me.

I went to the doctor today, because a) I wanted to make sure I didn't have a pandemic, b) a friend suggested maybe if I thought I had food poisoning I should get checked out because it could have issues needing addressing, and c) I had started running through the lists of Things That Could Kill Me (but probably won't): Appendicitis, ovarian cancer, burst organ of some kind, bleeding ulcer, new pandemic not quite yet identified by the CDC... a doctor's visit will usually stop the endless spiral of maladies I can imagine.

He found me tender in the lower right (scary, appendix area) but also not super sharp and I've been having what I thought was ovary pain for a little while, so that doesn't match, but he sent me for bloodwork and said that if I felt AT ALL like the pain was getting worse or I was getting a fever to hightail it to an ER for a CT Scan with contrast to make sure my appendix wasn't trying to kill me.

Believe it or not, that was actually very comforting, because I doubt that's it and now I have a clear If This, Then That scenario to deal with.

However, when I went to get bloodwork, I had to give a urine sample, and I got called back while still dealing with that clean-catch awkwardness, and then waited patiently with my paper-towel-wrapped pee sample until they called me back again (thank you, other lady waiting, for that trick to not have to look at or otherwise display your nitrogenous waste before others in the waiting area).

The lady who took my blood was super nice, and said, "Oh, only two vials today, all these stickers for two vials!" to which I said, "ugh, so glad it's not more, sometimes it seems endless," and she replied, "Well just you wait missy, looks like you'll be coming back for more here depending on results." I just sat there, thinking to myself, when they check your white blood cell count do they typically tell you you'll be back? What the eff? Why is this lady looking forward to me coming back to follow up on appendicitis, or maybe cancer? I am SO CONFUSED.

I was still confused when I got up to leave and she said, "Well you have a good day, and I'm just positive I'll be seeing you real soon here!"

It wasn't until after I left the lab and was walking down the hall that it clicked for me. OHHHHHHH. One of the pee tests was an HCG, and she wasn't talking about me coming back to check white blood cells, she was thinking I WAS PREGNANT. Oh man. I laughed, and LAUGHED, and LAUGHED (and then wondered if the tummy troubles had me suspiciously bloated).

Oh, no, nice lady. And she WAS a nice lady, not one gleefully awaiting my return to check for anemia or infection. I took Mali's advice and when I saw the HCG Beta on my lab slip I remembered that she said ALWAYS keep it in case it's ectopic, which is an even less likely event in my mind than an apocalyptic bird flu, but with my body? You just never know.

I had to laugh, because it didn't even cross my mind that she might think I was a hopeful maybe-pregnant person...and I had to feel proud, because it didn't make me feel sad.

Want to read more #Microblog Mondays? Go here and enjoy!