Saturday, June 23, 2018

The End of the Year

The end of the school year has proven to be a very, very busy time, full of events and stresses, and very little time to spare. Between finishing up everything curriculum-wise, moving my room to the other side of the building and packing up what won't fit into a closet and my tiny little office at home, writing end of the year paperwork, going to award ceremonies and retirement events, preparing for a new year in a new(ish) assignment, and saying goodbye...it's been exhausting.

But, I am now breathing a sigh of relief, as it is officially summer. SUMMER, that glorious time of rest, rejuvenation, and turning into an utter boneless puddle on the couch because the end of the year finally catches up to you.

It's hard, saying goodbye to a group of students who you've spent SO MUCH TIME with over the 10 months of the school year, knowing that some of them you may not see again. It's hard to give those hugs and wave goodbye to the last bus run home and write the thank you notes for cards and little gifts that some students give, even in middle school. But it's also wonderful. We've shared so much in our time together, seen so much growth. I've hugged and consoled and held garbage cans filled with puke. I've worried and cared and hoped for a better experience in life for so many. I've laughed and been silly and experienced what it's like to have someone say your name over and over (not "mom mom mom mom mom" but "Mrs. T__, Mrs. T___, Mrs. T___, Mrs. T____" -- and sometimes I've been called "Mom" either by accident or not. It was amazing to go on the Washington DC Trip this year. It was great to stay the entire time down at the 8th grade Luau on the hottest day of the year, because my students asked me to and how could I say no? Sure, I had progress reports to write and a room to move, but how do you say no when a small group of 14 year olds actually WANTS you to spend time with them?

And, I went to graduation for the first time this year.

That was amazing, because I didn't realize it until after, but this group graduating actually had students who were in the first grade class where I student taught many years ago -- they were my beginning. It also was a class that held my first classes as a full time teacher at my middle school -- the first year where I didn't travel and could be a push-in teacher, meeting and working with more kids all in one place. So it's where I began my journey into teaching in the first place, and where I landed in what's hopefully my home for a really long time.

It was crazy to see how the students become young people, not-so-little ADULTS walking across that stage. It was amazing to have one student who I had for Resource and CT English see me walking out and gave me a big hug and chat with me about how he's hoping to go into the Marines, and how well he's doing. Also it was more than a little weird that he was 6'4" and TOWERED over me. I saw girls who looked pretty much the same, and boys who looked completely different. It's amazing how much kids change from 8th grade to senior year. It's only 4 years, but some I didn't even recognize!

It was awesome to run into a student who I most worry about, who I hope comes back to visit and who I wish I could have raised myself, in a version of the world where life was fair. Her older sister graduated, and she was SO EXCITED to run into me, even though she'd last seen me only three days before.

I loved that the principal, in talking about the students' futures, didn't say that kids that were an eventuality, but said, "if you have kids," which covers both not wanting to go that route and wanting to but having it not work out.

I loved being a part of a school community that saw these young people through to the endgame of this particular phase of their lives.

I loved that I didn't feel sad that I'll never be in the audience as a parent, as so many teachers I work with were that night. I didn't feel sad because I can be a part of all of these kids' lives and go to as many graduations as I'd like to, and never have that "empty nest" bittersweetness of sending my child off to their (relative) independence and future lives, because my nest has always been empty.

And in a way, I could argue that my empty nest gives me the ability to give so much energy, love , and attention to these kids who are mine in 40 minute increments, for 40 weeks of each year.

18 comments:

  1. Mel recently had a post about alloparents. Jess, I consider you one of my shining and amazing examples of an alloparent. The love and care you put into your students, building a solid foundation for them not only academically but emotionally, socially and cognitively is beyond measure in value. It is because of people like you that I have hope for humanity, even in this dark time.

    Thank you for all you do and the love you promote. Thank you for being an amazing teacher; an amazing alloparent.

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    1. Oh, yes -- I loved the Alloparents post! I was so out of the loop with the end of the school year I had missed that one, and I read it after I wrote this and was like AHA! That's me! Thank you so much for your love, your hope, and your gratitude.

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  2. I, too, was thinking about Mel's alloparents post. And how it reminded me of an open adoption book (Life Givers) that talks about Life Givers (first parents), Life Sustainers (adoptive parents), and Life Affirmers (other loving and caring adults to support and shepherd a child/teen). You are a fine example of a Life Affirmer <3.

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    1. Yes! Loved the alloparents post, and I kind of want to add "Life Affirmer" to my email signature. That is amazing, and it makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. Thank you!

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  3. Aw, so many sweet moments! You must feel on top of the world (and exhausted). I’m so glad you are getting all that fulfillment from your work.

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    1. Thank you! Yes, totally exhausted. COMPLETELY EXHAUSTED. But satisfied. And definitely fulfilled.

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  4. I don't know how many commenters have gone before me, my thoughts mirror those of the first two, Cristy and Lori.

    So very uplifting.

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    1. Thank you! It is wonderful to love what I do and feel such a purpose with it. I am so fortunate.

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  5. I really loved this, Jess. I loved the enormous amounts of gratitude and the love that just ooze out of it. You must be an amazing teacher!
    And I loved the thought on empty nests too. I've written about it I'm sure, but you might have got me thinking about it again.

    Enjoy your very well-deserved summer break!

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    1. Thank you, I'm so glad you loved it, and I am so thankful to do what I do, and to have the chance to impact young people at such a difficult/pivotal time in their lives. And yeah, empty nests... It doesn't feel quite as sad at the moment. Thanks and I will try to relax -- today I had tutoring but tomorrow is freeeeeeee!

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  6. First, I am surprised this is your first year going to graduation...I thought all the teachers had to go. But what amazing connections to that class and all of it full circle. So amazing.
    Second, I truly appreciate the fact that you are the kind of teacher (person! But specifically teacher) that you are. With my own kids, even in a Catholic school setting, we have had teachers that just didn’t care. Teachers who quite literally did the bare minimum and when asked why my child was struggling, told me “some kids just don’t get it” regarding my freaking THIRD grader. It is SO heartbreaking to have teachers like that, who you know just don’t care. I SO LOVE that you are who you are to these kids, that you are that kind of teacher. It speaks volumes to who you are as a person, and I am so glad to know you. It’s not a job to you, it’s a vocation, it’s part of who you are, and that is amazing for every student you ever have. They are so lucky to be in your class, to have you teach and guide them, to love them. Thank you for being you. Xoxo

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    1. I know, it's weird that it's my first time -- but we are a huge district and not even all the high school teachers go. Guidance counselors and administrators definitely, and then any teacher can go but it's not required of everyone. They'd need seating for nearly 1000 adults if that was the case! I never went before in part because I was always in "what-if" mode -- what if I committed and then got placed? What if my IVF cycle fell around that time? I just felt like I had too much going on to attend. I'm definitely attending from now on though, because it was so amazing.

      Oh man, I am sorry that you've had those experiences with teachers who are apathetic at best. That sucks. It should be a requirement, "caring for children and their success." It is DEFINITELY a vocation for me, it feels like what I am meant to do and I truly look forward to each day (even the ones where I want to lie facedown on the floor). Thank you so much for your gushing! :)

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  7. Wow, what a milestone. Tearing up a bit at this, it is so wonderful that the students get to have a teacher like you in their lives. Yes to the other comments about alloparents - you are such a lovely example of that.

    Hope it is a wonderful, restful summer break for you!

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    1. Thank you so much! Aww, I'm glad it touched you. It's funny, I didn't write it to be touching, it was just my last-days experiences, but I guess when I step back from it and look at it from a distance it is pretty special that I get to work with my kids and feel the way I do about them and be that alloparent (my new favorite word). Thank you so much, and I will do the best I can to rest up for another wild year!

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  8. I'm also surprised that this is the first time that you are going to graduation...but I love that you had a connection to them when they were first starting out on their school journey!

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    1. Yes, the timing of this ceremony was really something. And it's funny, some of it was the constant difficulty of planning for things when you don't know if you'll be out on maternity leave or recovering from a cycle or whatever, but some is also that our district is SO HUGE and we have so many teachers that there's no way they could all possibly fit. I will totally go from now on though, because they will only get more connected as the years move on and I've worked with more kids and been less, um, compromised during the school years.

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  9. What a beautiful post. My best friend wanted kids and couldn't have them. She is also a teacher. She does so much and gives her students so much. It is really inspiring. You sound like her. She says that even though she wanted kids so badly, she is not going to stop herself from enjoying some of the advantages of not having kids. She enjoys going home to her husband and dogs in their quiet house where she can work on her art and garden and restore herself for the next day. She believes she serves as a maternal figure in a lot of her students' lives. Incredible teachers like you and her are totally priceless!

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  10. Enjoy your summer, Jess! Your students (& their parents) are so lucky to have you!

    My mom was a teacher aide in a small town (now retired for 10+ years), and runs into her former students all the time -- many of them now grown up with kids of their own!

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