I haven't gotten it yet, as I like to really think on tattoos before getting them since getting one I totally regret in my mid-twenties that is now covered with a nice, badass dragon.
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| Love this guy. Irritated that the stupid effing monkey is popping through a bit, but that's nothing a little more black ink can't fix... And maybe it's okay that you can see it swallowed by the dragon. Heh. |
I don't regret the dragon. I don't regret the snake I got when I was 24.
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| She's above my right ankle, on the inside. Love her. |
I really wanted to think on what I want to get next, since I plan on it being fairly large and intricate, covering my left shoulder/back.
My original thought was a dandelion with fluffies that represented all 35 of our embryos, 2 fluffies replaced with monarch butterflies to represent our pregnancy losses, and 8 fluffies headed in a westerly direction to represent the 8 embryos that went to the couple who adopted them through Snowflakes.
Except.
Do I want to map my back out with all my losses? I mean, I carry them with me everywhere I go anyway, so is that really necessary?
I decided, no. No it's not.
I'd rather focus on how I've emerged from this journey than be mired in the muck, beautifully symbolic as it could be with the dandelion and the butterflies. This was a decision that may also have been influenced by the first set of our embryos failing with the couple despite a new uterus. That's nothing but sadness and wishes that were left unfulfilled.
So here's the new idea:
I want a phoenix, and instead of flames (or maybe in addition to flames), there are orange monarchs. Or maybe monarchs incorporated into the phoenix. I want the phoenix in black, and the flames/monarchs in color. And I want it across my left shoulder. I have a secret Pinterest board, and I have been pinning ideas like mad over the past couple days. I think I'm ready to take the plunge and have this go from conceptual to actual.
Because I'm a phoenix, rising from the ashes of a failed journey to parenthood to redefine my life. I'm forever marked by my experiences, but I can rise up and create beauty from the fire. It's got metamorphoses, transition, pain, and beauty all in one.
Here's some designs I liked a lot, lifted from Pinterest, and just replace the butterflies with monarchs and add some flames:
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| Like the incorporation of the butterflies into the phoenix, but the bird itself is a bit simple for my tastes. (image saved from "OnSugar" on Pinterest) |
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| I like the design of this phoenix better, but flipped to the left (since left shoulder placement), and add in the butterfly(ies) somewhere and flames below. (Image saved by "Loredana Pacello" on Pinterest, no other credit could I find) |
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| And finally, this is the butterfly I found that I liked, color and everything. Don't mind the music either, but that's another tattoo for another day... (saved from "kooltattoideas.com" on Pinterest) |
I think this might be my Christmas present to myself. Now to go book an appointment over a long weekend...
I think your dragon looks kinda cool with the money inside. Crazy how you can see that! I don't know if I could have made it through getting that particular spot tattooed, because I'm really ticklish and sensitive and feel like I would be jumpy. You rock!!
ReplyDeleteI do agree about the emotional baggage of the first tattoo idea, as cool as it sounds (and it would be SO pretty, but also SO HEAVY)
The new idea is neat, too. The first photo idea is cool, I almost like the simplicity in contrast to the monarch. It's always tricky finding a really good artist who just gets what you want and can make it appear on paper.
One of the neatest ones I have seen was a lady I used to know had this cool vine-y one from her shoulder down her back, and woven into the vines was her son's name-Zachary, but it was almost one of those look and find illusion pictures where you would never know unless she told me what to look for. It was wild. All she told the artist was that she wanted her sons name but didn't want it obvious, and he created this masterpiece for her.
That sounds amazing--I love when there are hidden things in tattoos. And I agree, the first concept was way too heavy. But I guess that's where I was at the time. Now I feel like honoring the transformation process is better than honoring the grief, because I do that daily anyway. :) Who knew there were so many variations on phoenixes? And yeah, that dragon was UNCOMFORTABLE, but I was determined to get that monkey GONE so I didn't care. It was like purification through pain. The guy actually freehanded that with a sharpie because he was going to make me come back another day and I was like, I AM NOT LEAVING UNTIL YOU COVER THIS MONKEY WITH A M-F DRAGON! I mean, politely of course, but I meant it. :) Tattoo artists are amazing. We are fortunate to have a lot of really great ones here.
DeleteLove this! I believe in tattoos representing meaningful transformation as well. I have a lizard on my left ankle from my 20s and plan to get another one at some point. Love the designs you found and the colors in that butterfly – beautiful.
ReplyDeleteThank you! I think if you are good with tattoos, it can be a great way to have some beautiful symbolism with you everywhere you go. I know it's a super trendy spot but I also want a small one on my wrist/forearm, but definitely closer to the wrist. I have enough trouble with blood draws without making it even harder to get to my veins! :) Glad you like the designs!
DeleteI had a whole comment that blogger ate. Ugh.
ReplyDeleteHere’s the short version: I love this change in plans for your tattoo. The Phoenix is extremely fitting and the monarchs are lovely. Found two additional ideas for both I’m sharing with you. Cannot wait to see the final product.
https://www.google.com/search?q=phoenix+tattoo&client=safari&hl=en-us&prmd=ismvn&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwjnmPDWs9_WAhWd2YMKHct1B-UQ_AUIESgB&biw=375&bih=553#imgrc=Mr_FT39mZgDvlM:
https://www.google.com/search?q=monarch+butterfly+tattoo&ie=UTF-8&oe=UTF-8&hl=en-us&client=safari#imgrc=op-X1Hvh3oyRJM:
Argh, that's the worst! And aha! The other phoenix is actually in my pinterest board (great minds), and I love the additional monarchs. I think this is happening in November...called the studio today! :)
DeletePS - that watercolor butterfly has always stood out to me. Love it so much.
DeleteI am not a tattoo person but I do like the idea of using them to make visible something that isn’t usually visible. I think your ideas sound lovely and the beautiful images are something to enjoy for life.
ReplyDeleteThank you! I wanted to get another tattoo for the longest time, but you can't do that when doing IVF and then it just didn't seem the right time. I am excited to see this design manifest on my shoulder! Strange to be excited about purposely scarring myself for life... :)
DeleteYou are indeed a phoenix rising from the ashes of your dreams for family. It sounds wonderful. I agree that you should have something inspiring, rather than carrying a heavy loss with you forever.
ReplyDeleteThank you! I am glad I waited to make an appointment until I had a better design than one that would basically just be carrying a heavy load visibly. So important to really think through tattoo designs because even though technology is improving, it's a lot harder to remove them than to get them. Now I am so excited!
DeleteMe, too! I am going to stop into the studio for a consult this week, and I plan to get it in November. So exciting! I feel like it's easier to take the discomfort when you're super excited about it. :)
ReplyDeleteLove the symbolism. Can't wait to see this manifest.
ReplyDeleteThose are really cool ideas (and the symbolism is wonderful)! I can't wait to see what you come up with!
ReplyDeleteHopefully, your artist will be able to help you come up with something perfect. I know when I got mine, the artist told me that I needed to have colors behind the blossoms, otherwise the blossoms would just blend into my skin after a time. It wound up really changing what I originally had in mind, but I like the final result better than what I started out thinking.
Good luck and hoping the final result is exactly what you are wanting to symbolize your journey to this point and the journey going forward.
Yes!!! I love your tattoo idea. ;)
ReplyDeleteI'm not much for tattoos, but if I ever did get one, it would probably be a small butterfly on my ankle. The final photo of the monarch is absolutely gorgeous, although I rather like the phoenix in the middle too.
ReplyDelete