Follow me as I move beyond parenthood into childfree infertility resolution -- things may not have worked out how we'd hoped, but "success" is redefine-able!
Monday, August 28, 2017
#Microblog Mondays: Things I Survived Recently
I know that I am better every day, and more at peace with our situation, because I am able to handle situations without flopping down onto the floor, face in the carpet fibers. Might I get into a bit of a funk? Sure. But I can handle some interesting things SO MUCH BETTER than even a few months ago (and really, it's only been a few months, so I'm calling this pretty effing amazing):
- I had to call the vet to renew my cat's prozac prescription (just let that sink in for a second), and they wouldn't do it without setting up an appointment for the following week. While information was being entered into the computer, the tech said, "Hey, how is the adoption going?" and I replied, "Well, it went. We're no longer pursuing that." She was a little caught off guard, and said "what?" so I explained (minimally) that this past year was incredibly difficult and we just hit the point where we couldn't sustain the mental exhaustion and cumulative heartbreak anymore, and so we decided to live the life we already have. And I didn't cry, not even when I got off the phone, and she said "Wow, that's awesome that you have the strength to do that." I mean, she told me about another client who brought their baby home after seven (SEVEN) years of waiting through adoption, and that she had no idea it was that hard, but she didn't say anything real dumb. And I didn't overshare. Or cry, which is a particular point of pride because I was really caught off guard and was thinking about how many other service providers I've forgotten will ask over the next year. BONUS POINTS TO ME!
- My mom offhandedly mentioned that they were cancelling their "grandparents' membership" at the local science museum, because my sister's stepsons are too old to be interested (19 and 24) and there isn't a need to have it anymore. I know it wasn't meant to be stabby, but is it necessary to tell me that you don't need a grandparents' membership anymore? Eh, probably not. I did not cry. I did not say anything. I just let it go.
- At a party celebrating the end of construction on my mom and stepfather's deck over the lake, a neighbor of theirs asked me if my cousiniece (my stepfather's brother's daughter, who feels more niece-y than cousin-y because her parents are only 7 years older than me) was my DAUGHTER. Um, she's SIXTEEN. And also, I lived there for a time while going through my divorce, and that was 10 or so years ago, so where exactly was I hiding my six year old? I did NOT say those things, I just said, "Oh! No, she's my...my stepfather's brother's daughter." But then he said, "Well, then where are YOUR kids?" and I just replied with "Oh, I don't have any." I really wish I'd thought to say "I don't know, do you? Where are my damn kids?" But, he's older (and seemed a bit out of it) so I let it go. Even when he said "Who's that young man then?" pointing at my sister's stepson, and I was like, "oh no, he belongs to them" pointing at my sister and her husband. Sheesh. It seemed like he just wanted to find me some children. Which would have been nice, but it doesn't work that way. I did not cry or go hide in a corner and mope. I did not say anything horribly embarrassing or overshare-y. Which is a minor accomplishment.
So, there. Some moments more difficult than others, but I survived 'em all. Go me.
Want to read more #Microblog Mondays? Go here and enjoy!
Yay you!!!
ReplyDeleteAnd you had me totally LOL-ing over that last paragraph, you dealing with the poor old nosey old man neighbor. I get that it likely wasn't funny in the moment, but your re-telling is priceless!
Ha! It was a little funny in the moment. I actually wish I had the presence of mind to say "I should be so lucky," as my cousiniece has a lot of the attributes I had hoped for in a daughter of my own (smart, funny, total bookworm, not afraid to be different). Sometimes I wish you could have redos on these things to say just the right zinger! Thanks so much.
DeleteIt sucks that you have so many of these awkward moments to look forward to. But great that you are handling them gracefully!
ReplyDeleteThank you! I guess they are just going to keep happening, over and over and over. I am really not looking forward to all the awkwardness that the start of the school year and open house might hold (I have students who are younger siblings of students I had in the midst of adoption stuff, yay). I am as graceful as I can be... :)
DeleteYou got through some moments there that could potentially have been very triggering...
ReplyDeleteThe vet sounds relatively quite nice. "It's awesome that you have the strength to do that" is a good starter, although stories about other people's mammoth and herculean efforts are never very useful... At least she has been educated about hard it is, unlike some people. As for your mom: *sigh*. Nah: it's never necessary for them to make these kind of wounded grandparent comments, but that generation seem to be unable to help themselves. Bleurgh. Good on you anyway for surviving all of that!
I did! And thank you! Yeah, I was pleasantly surprised with the vet employee. She tends to be super socially awkward, and she really shone in that moment (minus a nanosecond where I felt like bringing up the 7 year wait just made me sound like a pussy). Yeah, it's hard to balance being sad about not being a grandparent with being sensitive to the fact that it's just a mite more painful to not be a parent when you desperately want to be. They'll happen from time to time I'm sure, but I can just let them go. And "bleurgh" in my head. :) I'm glad none of these threw me to the floor. Good sign, right?
DeleteDefinitely...
DeleteYou handled those awkward moments really well! The third encounter was almost comical.
ReplyDeleteThank you! It was actually comical now that I look back on it. I can forgive genuine confusion! I hope the awkward moments are few and far between in the days to come, but unfortunately I know it's unlikely because people are human.
Delete2 million points to (insert your Hogwarts House here)! You totally rocked those moments, and I can relate to how huge a victory it is not to cry. Here's to hoping future moments are few, but I have no doubt you'll rock them yet again!
ReplyDeleteOoooh! I'd love to think I'd be Gryffindor. I'll take those points! I am a crier, too. So that's definitely something to be proud of. :) Not that crying is bad, but you can't do it all the time or people look at you crosswise...
DeleteGo you!!! All of those hard moments, but you handled yourself extremely well. Bravo!!
ReplyDeleteThank you so much! It gives me hope for the days ahead.
DeleteWhew. And seriously, "Where are YOUR kids?" I can't. Why are people so dim? Sounds like you handled all these with grace. (Even though I bet you wanted to do some throat punching.)
ReplyDeleteHa! I pretty much always want to do some throat punching, thankfully I don't do it. :) Thanks so much!
DeleteI'm afraid those moments WILL keep happening... but you are handling them incredibly well! Yay you!! :)
ReplyDeleteBONUS POINTS TO YOU! Indeed! (PS. Your cat is on Prozac? lol)
ReplyDelete"Oh, I don't have any." I know what it feels to say that. It's victorious both that you can say it, and that you didn't need to qualify it. But it never feels like nothing.
Aaaack....especially the one about the grandparents membership.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry. It's hard to be continually impervious and strong.
Ouch. It's amazing how much in life these things come up - definitely something I never realized until infertility. You handled everything with a great deal of grace. I'm sorry you had to deal with that at all, though!
ReplyDelete