Remember back in May when you guys gave me the sage advice to find another therapist? Because it seemed like she didn't really get what I was all about, because it seemed she was trying to make me rethink my decision rather than helping me move forward with the decision that was most definitely, thoughtfully made?
Well, I am a dumbass.
Because while I had a phone conversation before having another session, I did stay with her -- I made it clear that the decision was done and I was looking to work through the grief associated with it but not examine whether or not I made the right decision. And it worked out okay, for a little while.
Until I shared before our vacation trip that two people that I knew had brought their babies home through adoption, and that it had thrown me for a loop and put me facedown on the floor and I was really feeling like the Universe was flipping us the bird and testing the strength of our decision making process.
Well, I was encouraged to examine my decision, and assured that "no decision is ever final" and that examining the "what ifs" of how we got to this point is not a futile exercise that has no worth because YOU CAN'T CHANGE WHAT HAS ALREADY HAPPENED, but worth looking into. (Why? To see if I have regrets? Who doesn't question decisions along the way? But that doesn't translate into REGRET, per se. Also, we passed the test of our convictions, thankyouverymuch.)
I felt misunderstood, I felt like the last thing I need is someone who is encouraging me to keep a door open that it took a shitload of strength and presence of mind (with the health of my mind and body in the balance) to close. I don't want that. I don't want to leave feeling worse than when I walked in. I don't want to have my (admittedly borderline inappropriate, gallows-type) sense of humor misinterpreted, misunderstood, and having generally confuzzled the person listening to my stories.
So before I left the parking lot, I called a social worker who we saw for some couples work during some adoption decision making and left a message to set up an appointment, if appropriate. Why "if appropriate?" Because she is my amazing therapist who moved away's MOTHER. (Small world here, I guess.)
And you know what? I freaking wish I had listened to you the first time. The first lady didn't get it. This new(ish) person GETS IT and GETS ME and...TAKES INSURANCE. Not only that, she asked if I have an HSA account because I could pay with that. The amount of money that flew out of my account with someone who didn't quite fit right makes me so mad at myself. This is a better fit in every possible way. (And not just because she dropped at least two f-bombs in our session, which is a total plus.)
I feel like I am finally on the right track.
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Fantastic. Better late than never!
ReplyDeleteTrue, so true. The later part is the only regret I have! :)
DeleteGood for you! It's hard to break away.
ReplyDeleteI hope too that you feel you can give your former therapist some feedback. The fact she didn't understand the situation at all, and probably thinks she does, and didn't give you the support you need, really annoys me! Or give me her address, and I'll write to her! lol
The awful thing is that I did give her feedback the first time, over the phone. I sort of felt like if she didn't fully get it after that conversation where I was pretty damn clear, I'm not sure she'll get it now. Although I did leave the most awkward voicemail ever and I kept repeating "and it's just not a great fit. Or a good fit. For either of us I think." I think she's probably a great therapist for other people in different situations, but just didn't work out for me in this one. AT ALL. Thanks for offering to write the letter! :)
DeleteYay for having the sense and fortitude to say, "enough" again. Good luck with the new therapist. Sounds like you're heading for a good and fun and cathartic ride.
ReplyDeleteThank you! Ha, that's sort of ironic, isn't it? Someday I'll figure things out before too much damage is done. :) I am hoping that this brings peace and understanding.
DeleteHuzzah for now having a therapist who can sling f-bombs, instead of making you sling them at her TOTAL LACK OF A BRAIN! *deep breath*
ReplyDeleteSo glad you finally have someone connect with. Sending the brightest of blessings to you as you journey down this track. *hugs*
Thanks for your commiserating rage! I so appreciate it. Yeah, I always love a swearing therapist. Makes me feel better when I sling them (but not AT them). Thank you for the bright blessings and hugs!
DeleteThat's great that you made the switch! So much better for your own peace of mind!
ReplyDeleteOMG, YES. Thank you, it hit a point where it was like, Um, NO MAS.
DeleteSorry you had to deal with that first person - that sounds like such a frustrating and exhausting situation. Glad that you've found someone you like and relate to now, though!
ReplyDeleteIt really was, and I was like, "it will get better, it's not that bad," which is sort of my MO apparently. Huh. I love this new person though, and in two sessions she's already proven to be super helpful with keeping me on track and challenging things and getting me to think about not just the situation but how everything unfolded... so that's good! Far less exhausting.
DeleteGlad you found a better fit! I hope she can help you move forward in processing your grief. <3
ReplyDeleteThank you! That would be lovely. Imagine that, processing the grief instead of keeping that door open... :)
DeleteStop beating yourself up!!! I struggle with ending relationships, even professional ones. It's hard to do. What most important is you found someone who willwprk for you. Not trivial. So embrace that and keep this story in your back pocket for the rest of us when we need convincing to stop going down a path that isn't working. In the meantime, may good things come.
ReplyDeleteThat's what I do, though! Yeah, it's really hard to end relationships even when it's in my best interest. It's so good to see you! :) Yes... recognizing that a path isn't working before you've sunk too much time and money and mental energy into it is a valuable lesson that apparently I keep having to learn. Ha. Thank you, lady!
DeleteI am so happy you're now with someone who gets you. It makes all the difference!
ReplyDeleteAbsolutely! It really, really does. A bad fit is exhausting and chips away at you when therapy is supposed to help build you back up and understand things better, not be left feeling MORE misunderstood. Thanks, lady!
DeleteI'm glad you finally left her for someone much better. Although, I can get why you stayed for so long; you had just been through something so hard and traumatic and the thought of having to find someone else and retell your story at that time just had to seem like too much.
ReplyDeleteSo, SO glad you found someone who is a MUCH better fit!! (And bonus with the insurance, too!!)
ReplyDelete