Follow me on the crazy, hopeful, discouraging, funny, and ultimately successful (one way or another) path to parenthood while facing infertility.

Monday, April 10, 2017

#Microblog Mondays: There Will Always Be A Spring

Well, I'm home, my sub plans are done and probably far more detailed than they should be but whatever because I am literally missing the middle-to-end of TWO different units. Which sucks.

Anyway, I am on this rest thing which is good because of, you know, having a bit of a breakdown, and so I have been trying to do a little self-care, a little cleaning out.

It started with the house -- there are areas under furniture that are wicked dusty and I was tired of looking at it and I felt like That dust has probably seen so much sadness so I CLEANED IT OUT. I put a t-shirt piece on a swiffer thing and GOT RID OF THE DUST. It felt GOOD.

Next, the garden.

I feel like the state of my garden is a metaphor for life right now. It is a hot, hot mess. Last year was a year of getting very little done. We didn't even put window boxes or hanging baskets in. I planted very few new plants. I didn't get the fall cleanup done, in part because everything just felt so overwhelming and paralyzing, and in part because we had a huge snow dump in November before Thanksgiving. Then there were warm days over the winter but it was dark and I was tired so I didn't trim things up. And now... now it is spring and I am DETERMINED to fix the state of the garden. Like my body and mind, it is in a state of neglect. And yet, there is hope pushing through.

I give you pictures for your springy viewing enjoyment. Detritus filled gardens that need to be cleared like the dust under my furniture, and new hope springing up through the leaf litter. Maybe the new hope looks differently than I'd thought it would, and that's okay. Maybe it's my life popping back up, green and eager to bloom, and not some other tiny life I'd hoped so hard to have in my care. Hard to tell at this point, but hope is hope. And it is beautiful.

Nothing hopeful here, just a sea of gray and brown.

And I've waited until there are new shoots to rake... Even our lawn is a mess! 

Oh, butterfly garden. A sad mess of leaves and old foliage and sticks. I can see what it will look like in about a month though, and that makes me happy. But right now, this is what my insides look like to me. 

But look! After the leaf litter and weeds are cleared, bright sunshiny hope! They made it through the giant snow and wind!

Before picture, so many weeds and moss and leaf litter. That drain pipe gets covered by peonies and verbascum and flowers I haven't planted yet. 
Believe it or not this is an "after" picture, all weeds cleared but irises not trimmed and no mulch. But better. One section done. It made me feel better physically, too. 

These are my favorite white daffodils. They are later than the yellow ones, but last longer too. And they are squirrel plants. The best is when bulbs plant themselves! Sorry to whichever neighbor they were thieved from. Also not sorry. 

I have some happy lupines this year! And now I know a lupine is a lupine is a lupine. No more putting magical expectations on garden plants. It's unfair to everybody. 

Hyacinths! Obviously this is the part of the garden I didn't get to yet, but I love how the hyacinths and the feathery bleeding heart foliage is just pushing up through my neglect, adding color to the detritus of a long winter, showing that there will always be a spring. 

There will always be a spring. 


Want to read more #Microblog Mondays? Go here and enjoy!

20 comments:

  1. We STILL have pockets of snow on the ground (granted, they're now small and likely to disappear after today) so seeing your garden pictures gives me great hope too! Here's to finding beauty popping up in unexpected places!

    Also, quick aside - do you have a twitter, Jess? For the past few weeks, I've been trying to tweet out #MM posts, and I'm trying to include everyone's handle. I think I only tweeted one of yours, because while you have a share button, I started to overthink it ("Would she really want this on the Twitterverse? Am I assuming too much? Should I ask first? Hey, look at that butterfly...") so if you'd rather I didn't, no worries. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm all for unexpected beauty. I do not have Twitter, but am thinking of joining for this space. You are always free to tweet or share anything here from this space, I do not at all have an issue with that and thank you for it! I need a Twitter Tutorial. It scares me a bit but I think it's a platform if like to enter into, if only for this space.

      Delete
  2. I felt the same way - I signed up for Twitter almost ten (YIKES!) years ago, but only started figuring it out in the past few months.

    I connected with a great group of bloggers on Facebook, and they're very willing to answer newbie questions (as I know from experience - LOL!). If you're interested, this is the link -

    https://www.facebook.com/groups/1803804546533912/

    Also, the woman who created the group (and the #SundayBlogShare hash tag) has some great information on her blog - this is the link to all her Twitter posts (most of it is free, but she does offer a Twitter course for sale as well) -

    https://suzie81speaks.com/?s=twitter&submit=Search

    You can always shout out at me too, if you have a question. I'm still not Twitter proficient, but I'm slowly getting there. :)

    ReplyDelete
  3. I am the same way. When I start feeling anxious or overwhelmed I look around at my house, my desk, my yard, etc and try to focus on that. I feel like when we can accomplish something, even if it's just cleaning out flower beds, when we have tangible proof of something we have put effort into it helps our soul. Hoping you have lots of healing moments in your garden and landscaping :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Clearing stuff is totally helpful. And the hope of those flowers is something beautiful. Thank you! I couldn't quite make it outside yesterday and today I am facing what I thought was allergies and is now all in my sinuses and lungs, so I guess no raking for me. Sigh.

      Delete
  4. Yes! I am so happy to read about you working in the house and garden. It sounds like the perfect job right now. I will hopefully continue with clean up this coming weekend too. I want to plant some flowers and vegetables this year. Unlike you I have a hard time visualizing, which makes it harder to get motivated. Spring is wonderful, may you continue to absorb and give back the healing energy of renewal.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Little bits at a time, little bits at a time. I think I am on hiatus a bit because I am sick now, too. WTF. I recommend getting catalogs, although I don't know if we can have the same ones -- I love going through White FLower Farm and SPring Hill, and they have collections that make things easy to put together at first. I am pinteresting like mad, too. Lots of inspiration there. But catalogs are a beautiful thing for thinking up what plants and colors and things you want! I give up on vegetables. The chipmunks always got the lion's share. Farm stand from now on, let them deal with the critters. :)

      Thanks... I am finding renewal difficult today as I struggle to breathe, but that healing energy...I could use it in spades. Maybe I need to go to a hot spring or something, to the Alps to take the air like Heidi. Something.

      Delete
  5. I have to laugh. I just left a comment on your previous post suggesting that you should do nothing. Then I come here, and find you've been spring cleaning and out in the garden. The key is, if it makes you feel good, then I'm happy. But remember to take it easy. Your body is going through a lot at the moment.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh yes. I should have been prescient and listened to you! Today will be a do nothing day. After I submit my grades. Sigh. Timing is terrible. But today there is a massage and a doctor's appointment on the docket, and hopefully relief from both. Thank you.

      Delete
  6. Sometimes you just need to clean and clear the outside, putting it back in order, to have that feeling transfer over to the inside. Hoping this external work carries through on the inside, too, bringing you peace of heart.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes. Definitely. I hope so. I am working my way around piles. I am trying to decide what to do with a boatload of magazines I may never read. I think it will be freeing to just recycle the lot of them and cancel the subscription. BOOM. Peace of heart. Thank you so much for the peace.

      Delete
  7. I am always in awe of your gardening skills. I have never found solace or gratification in weeding and planting. Well, that's not entirely true. I did once about a decade ago. I spent a ton of time and money and I still ended up killing everything. And ever since then it is a frustrating thing I have no time for. But your gardens always look amazing and so well cared for, and I am so glad it gives you such peace to do those things. I do agree that decluttering can give you a sense of calm. I just did this with my paper pile when I was feeling very anxious last week and it did make me feel better. Although the papers are stacking up again already!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you, but I think my garden would protest heavily about my gardening skills at the moment! :) I love the planting and weeding and outside care. If it makes you feel better, I kill indoor plants DEAD. I love them too much and overwater them or put them in the wrong places. Bryce is in charge of indoor plants. Thank you, my gardens do bring me joy and I am going to order some new plants TODAY! It is time to plan new plots and get some new stuff planted.

      And the paper monster -- amazing how you can file it and recycle it and shred it and it JUST KEEPS COMING. That's entropy for you. Everything reverts to chaos, always. It does feel better to clear things out though, right? Calming for sure.

      Delete
  8. Getting up and getting it done, yay you. Maybe that is what the changes of seasons do for (many). . . a gentle nudge to one's giddy up.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Absolutely. I think it helps that the sun hits just right and illuminates everything dusty and in need of TLC... That shifty Nature. Getting up and getting it done is an accomplishment right now, so yay. :)

      Delete
  9. My garden is a disaster too. And my house. My life is a disaster. But I'm trying to take it back. So good for you. Here cheering you on!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh no! Take it back. I'll cheer you on, too! This spring has been so rough for so, so many. :( The nice thing about gardens and houses (and lives although harder) is that you can always fix it up, rip it up, start something new when everything falls apart. Hard, but not impossible. :)

      Delete
  10. I see so much promise in that butterfly garden.

    You have some of my favorite flowers in your garden -- lupines and hyacinths make me happy.

    And doesn't clearing feel so good?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. YES to clearing! I cannot quite Kondo my life, we have some serious philosophical differences, but I do like the Touch It Once thing and the Sparking Joy thing, and clear surfaces do help clear minds. And when we feel so hemmed in by our house having clear surfaces can really make a big differences.

      Thank you...there are beautiful things coming in that butterfly garden. Probably literally and metaphorically. ;)

      I love lupines. And hyacinths. And soon there will be bleeding hearts, and penstemon, and peonies... and all sorts of new things I plan to blow money on today. Like agastache. And tall veronica. And more Senorita Rosalita cleome. Ahhhh

      Delete
  11. LOL, when I read Mali's comment -- I had the same thoughts! But I agree that cleaning & weeding & decluttering can be therapeutic -- it's not always fun while you're doing it, but the results sure can make you feel good :) and I hope you are still feeling the positive effects. As for Twitter, I only recently got an account... I am following a ton of people & organizations -- mostly news-related, but a few bloggers as well. I have written exactly one tweet, in response to someone else's. I think I'll probably be content to be an observer for a while yet -- I was always the kid who turned in a six-page story when the teacher asked for a paragraph, lol, so 140 characters would be a real challenge...! -- but I must admit, I am enjoying it more than I thought I would... some very witty commentary out there in just 140 characters!

    ReplyDelete