Last week it happened -- I had my first adoption dream.
I'd had lots of birth dreams, pregnancy dreams, even IVF dreams, but until that night I'd never had an adoption dream...so I see this as a kind of milestone. (It was also strange to realize that I haven't dreamt that I was pregnant or birthing in a really long time, so I guess my subconscious is on par with our decision-making.)
I dreamed that even though we were at this point in the homestudy process, where our paperwork isn't fully in and our classes are coming up but not complete, and we haven't had a social worker set foot in our home, they called and told us that they had twin baby girls, ready for us.
It didn't make sense whatsoever, and even in the dream I was like, "but how can we be matched when we're not even approved or eligible?"
That moment of logic was immediately swallowed by conflicting emotions of joy (our babies are here!) to fear (what if this is a mistake? what if this doesn't work out? what if we get there and they don't like us?) to acceptance that while unconventional in terms of timing, this was our path and we were to pack for the hospital.
I woke up before we got there or met the babies or anything like that, but I suspect that the emotions surrounding that call were pretty accurate. It wasn't a nightmare, it wasn't a unicorns-and-puppies kind of dream, but it was the first of what I hope are many dreams that are my subconscious exploring all the feels when it comes to these next steps I really know very little about.
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