Monday, March 16, 2015

#Microblog Mondays: Um, Excuse Me, It's Rude to Be a No-Show



I was kind of hoping that after all the cycles, after all the synthetic hormones (that make perfectly NATURAL babies, by the way...) and finagling of my lady parts, that I might get a month where my body knew what to do with itself.

Apparently not, as my final canceled cycle ended Friday, January 30th, and I was told to stop all meds and wait for my period to show up. I started spotting on Sunday February 1st, and it didn't stop for two weeks, during which time I spotted slightly heavier for four days and so maybe that was a period? Maybe? If I can't tell, does it count?

But now, I have spotted very lightly off and on since and never have I had a definitive, 100% recognizable menstrual cycle. IT'S MARCH.

This is why I need to go on the Pill, so that I can have periods monthly instead of quarterly, so that I can stop myself from the insane thought that maybe, maybe in a canceled cycle where I couldn't get my lining above 6mm and my estrogen dropped through the floor, maybe the next month I miraculously got pregnant. (I don't ACTUALLY believe this, not really, but it does lurk in the nethers of my subconscious, which is incredibly crazypants.)

To go on the Pill, I need a period.

Cue frustrated screaming, right about...now.

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15 comments:

  1. JessMarch 16, 2015 at 6:35 PM

    Ugh, my stupid finger and my stupid phone conspired together to delete Mel's comment:

    As someone who has had her share of crazypants wondering during cycles, I nod in empathy.

    Thanks, Mel... glad to know I'm not the only one!

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    1. Rachel LewisMarch 16, 2015 at 11:34 PM

      I hate it when that happens. I have deleted many a comment myself.

      As far as the period goes, I absolutely hate that for you. What a ridiculous irony.

      As far as that thought, that maybe you'll get pregnant ... I still think that every month. Even crazier, I still think that it's possible that pregnancy = live baby For me. That is my crazypants.

      Delete
    2. Rachel LewisMarch 16, 2015 at 11:35 PM

      Btw--- I also had an ectopic. I'm so sorry for your losses.

      Delete
    3. JessMarch 21, 2015 at 9:27 AM

      Thanks -- I felt really dumb for hitting the wrong thing with my finger. Stupid tiny phone screen... Yes, ironic, for sure! I am so sorry for your crazypants. I think it's so hard, even knowing what we know, not to hope for a miracle of some kind. Human nature, maybe.

      Delete
    4. JessMarch 24, 2015 at 6:29 PM

      I'm so sorry for your losses, as well. Ectopics are such strange things, supposed to be so rare and yet I meet so many women who've experienced that bizarre and devastating loss.

      Delete
  2. SavannahMarch 17, 2015 at 7:29 AM

    I used to take birth control for that reason. Sometimes I have a monthly, normal period. But sometimes, I will go 3-4 months with no period at all. But when it does show up, it will last 3 weeks! I don't mind going months with no period. But if the trade off is a month long period, I don't like that!

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    1. JessMarch 24, 2015 at 6:30 PM

      Seriously. It feels like it's just saving up its wrath... not a benefit at all! :) As long as it doesn't put me at risk for other issues, I am all for birth control to keep this naughty uterus in check.

      Delete
  3. LMarch 17, 2015 at 9:00 AM

    I can't live with the ups and downs and the "what ifs." So I had my doctor put me on the continuous pill. It's just too crazy-making for me. I know I am ruling out the tiny chance of a miracle conception, but for me, the mental health benefits of not wondering make it a good choice. Also I save a fortune on tampons :)

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    1. JessMarch 21, 2015 at 9:28 AM

      Hmmm, continuous pill... I'll have to ask my doctor about that one. I feel like I get cranky if I don't get a period, but maybe I'd get used to it? And not having to buy supplies would be amazing. I have residual irrational hatred towards buying a new bag of ultrathin pads. I will think on it!

      Delete
  4. Accio Baby!March 17, 2015 at 9:33 AM

    Oh goodness, I think we all have crazypants in the nether regions of our subconcious :) I totally hold onto every last shred of hope of finally achieving pregnancy even when I know that it is scientifically impossible.

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    1. JessMarch 21, 2015 at 9:30 AM

      Hard not to, right? How can you not hang on to that shred of hope? For me it will be lovely to have that shred removed because I know that without meds, a pregnancy would be short-lived anyway. I feel like pregnancy is pretty darn scientifically impossible for me, but tell my subconscious that! ha ha. Glad I'm not the only crazypants out there... :)

      Delete
  5. Lori Lavender LuzMarch 17, 2015 at 11:39 AM

    Ugh. It's like a catch-22.

    Let me see if I can prompt something with the following subliminal series (shhhhhhh....)

    • • • • • • • • • • • • • • •

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    1. JessMarch 24, 2015 at 6:30 PM

      Thanks, Lori! All taken care of, all chemically controlled, and the spotting is FINALLY over. The subliminal series worked! :)

      Delete
  6. AnonymousMarch 18, 2015 at 9:33 PM

    I'm back on birth control now too. It's weird, all I want is a baby and yet now I'm on the most effect birth control on the market - the merina IUD.
    Wishing you the best and hoping your body cooperates so that you can move on.

    ReplyDelete
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    1. JessMarch 21, 2015 at 9:33 AM

      Thanks, lady -- I feel like it will be a huge relief to be regulated again. I think the IUD is an interesting option, but I just don't trust that uterus of mine enough to do it. It would screw it up somehow. I"m glad it works well for you and gives you peace of mind while you wait for your baby! It is totally ironic to be striving for a baby and shutting the body down, right?

      Delete