Integrin Results Are In

Okie doke, so that torture test came back, and I DO HAVE the beta-3 integrin. In fact, I have a robust supply. So, check that off the list of our issues. Apparently I have the glue that makes implantation happen, and I can once and for all say NOTHING IS WRONG WITH MY UTERUS.

Nothing major, anyway. The pathology report for the Test from Hell showed evidence of polypoid tissue. WHAT THE EFF? Why must my uterus keep making little friends to keep it company that don't exactly make for the best conditions for a lasting friend? One who will stay for 40 weeks? I don't get it. Plus, none of these little buggers ever shows up on an HSG or a saline sonohysterogram. The only way to see them is through this lovely scraping all around my uterus or a hysteroscopy.

And so, it has been decided that instead of having a scratch biopsy prior to my next transfer, I will yet again have a hysteroscopy to check out my uterus from the inside and get rid of the offending polypy tissue. And, while I'm (blissfully) out cold, my doctor will use this new microtechnology thingamajig to take the thinnest shavings off my lining which will both prepare it for transfer and get rid of any little baby polyps that may make little baby people harder to snuggle in. Pretty interesting stuff. The thing that sucks is that I have to go to Buffalo for this, since my doctor is not affiliated with Rochester hospitals anymore, and I don't know what that looks like. I have had great experiences at the ambulatory surgical center here, and I think I will be in a normal hospital there, which I do not enjoy. However, it won't be a hospital where I have memories of going in for surgery to remove my already-bleeding tubal pregnancy, so that's a bonus. I hate going to that place, even to visit others. The people there were wonderful but the experience was fairly traumatic.

The results of this test were supposed to set the calendar for my Go Time. I am still waiting a little, because apparently there's so much to consider even though now I don't have to do the Lupron Depot for two months, because my body DID SOMETHING RIGHT FOR ONCE. Do we still uncouple retrieval and transfer? I like the idea, because your poor body rests after ovulation induction and surgical retrieval of the eggs, and my body usually likes to try to hyperstimulate during that process. That's got to be good. But I worry because frozens typically have lower success rates than fresh cycles. Although, at the Buffalo clinic, their frozens aren't too far behind their fresh because their lab ROCKS. Plus, as my doctor said, you're not freezing the B-team, you're freezing everything including the A-team that usually would be transferred fresh, so the embryos should be pretty freaking healthy. Should be.

If we do uncouple, then I don't have to have the hysteroscopy until the month after retrieval, because it has to be in the luteal phase of the cycle before the transfer. But, if my lining looks awesome at retrieval they may want to do the transfer while the oven's hot, and if I haven't had the hysteroscopy then I'm not at ideal uterine tuning. Sigh. WHY CAN'T I JUST HAVE HOT SEX AND GET PREGNANT? Why must it be this weird science operation where it feels like it must be a full moon and lightning must hit the table just so?

So, our case is going before the team in Buffalo tomorrow and I'll get a better answer on this then. I could start stimming soon, which is awesome and terrifying. I will be glad to get that behind me, hopefully forever. Still amazes me that until November, I was sure that I would never stim again. How amazing, and how convoluted. I will be going through anesthesia twice in a matter of two months, which seems like a lot, but it's twilight for retrieval so not quite as much as the hysteroscopy. I guess I will truly do anything to get a baby to bake in that flubby little tummy of mine.

The other thing the positive test results did was make it clear that if it's not my uterine environment, then it really is likely a sperm issue. Which meant mixed feelings. In a way, if it was negative, then we'd have another possibility for the reasons for our failure. But now...what does that mean? I still stand by the fact that with a new lab and a new procedure for just about everything it is so important to give Bryce's guys another go before we do the donor. We'll split the cycle and hope they can split the vial, but go figure, usually they are not packaged to make that possible. It's worth it to me to have to buy another vial if needed to give us the best shot at the possibility of everything--a child genetically both of ours, carried by me. Even if it is a long shot. A little terrifying, but with everything we've done so far and the package with frozens and two fresh cycles included, it's not so much of a risk. If it doesn't work out then we know for sure. It just sucks that we have to play with these variables that are inextricably linked to so much emotion and hurt and loss. What's one more experiment?

What do you think about this whole uncoupling thing? Have you heard of doing this? Have you done it? What are your thoughts? I want to do whatever will give us the best chance. I want to get started. I am starting to get antsy and a bit anxious, and having a calendar in my hands will do so much to ease my jitters. Thanks for your feedback, I appreciate it!