Follow me on the crazy, hopeful, discouraging, funny, and ultimately successful (one way or another) path to parenthood while facing infertility.

Sunday, October 31, 2010

A Love Letter

Today is Halloween--a cold, sleety/snowy Halloween. But it is also my one year wedding anniversary. Here's to you, Bryce...

Even though we have been married only a year, it already feels like a lifetime (in a good way). We have endured so much over the past year. We have managed to make it through tests and treatments and hopes and disappointments no worse for the wear--if anything we are stronger for having the difficulties that we face together. You have been an amazing support through all of the painful moments, especially since those moments are just as painful for you, too. You make me laugh and distract me when I'm feeling down. You put me in check when even Clomid or 18 ginormous follicles are not a good excuse for my poor behavior. You are patient, and giving, and so, so loving. I am so grateful that if I have to be going through this sad, maddening, and painful experience, that I am going through it with you--a partner who is supportive, loving, and has a great sense of humor. Someone who can stick a big, scary 1 1/2 inch needle in my ass while telling me he loves me...and I can believe it 100%. Someone who knows me so well that he can deflect conversations or comments made by others that may be too much for me to take before I even realize that my feelings may have been in jeopardy. Someone who doesn't mind that fertility treatments have taken their toll on my body and appreciates my curvier curves.

I really thought that we might celebrate our first anniversary with our baby already here, or at least on his/her way here. It makes me a little sad that at this point it may not even be possible to celebrate our second anniversary with our future child... but I am comforted because you love me so deeply and so completely that even if we celebrate our 5th anniversary with no baby, we will be happy together. I know because you told me so! So thank you--thank you for being my friend, my lover, my nurse, my pillow, my support, my comedian, my litterbox-cleaner. Thank you for loving me so beautifully, for much longer than the one year we have been married. Thank you for being the father of our future children, no matter when or from where they come. How can we not be fabulous parents when we have such a solid foundation of love between us and such a desperate longing?

Happy anniversary, Bryce. I love you so, so, so, so much.

No comments:

Post a Comment