tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7998166587816121679.post7902266101812262589..comments2023-11-19T21:42:17.901-08:00Comments on My Path to Mommyhood: On Baby ShowersJesshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15868505568965284742noreply@blogger.comBlogger16125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7998166587816121679.post-71869836276117074782016-02-18T15:37:19.359-08:002016-02-18T15:37:19.359-08:00I stopped going to baby showers awhile ago. I don&...I stopped going to baby showers awhile ago. I don't know if they'll ever stop being hard. <br /><br />Also, birth stories are quite possibly the most alienating conversation topic. If people are telling stories about their kids, you have a chance of relating - you know kids, you remember being a kid. But if you haven't given birth (I havent), you're kind of screwed when it comes to birth stories. Sounds like a really tough day!<br /><br />PS I had to comment using my google profile, which is very out of date. My current site is http://www.travelcraftjournal.com - thanks for stopping by earlier this week!Stephaniehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16036165207963542073noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7998166587816121679.post-82409022528120900422016-02-15T14:00:16.111-08:002016-02-15T14:00:16.111-08:00Thank you for your thoughtful comment! I have to s...Thank you for your thoughtful comment! I have to say in the tables' defense, they didn't all know my situation, but enough did to maybe politely change the subject (or not). It must be hard to NOT share your experiences when there was such a willing and eager audience for future reference... And yes, my friend was amazingly inclusive and wonderful. And meeting someone who didn't make me want to stick a fork in my eye was a plus, too! :) Ha, I have a zillion pictures of me making crazy eye face in one way or another... I don't know how NOT to do it when feeling uncomfortable or silly (or both). I'm glad you loved the shower pics! Now to wait for the BIG event to come and a reason to buy that stroller... :)<br />Jesshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15868505568965284742noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7998166587816121679.post-19464467716427324882016-02-15T13:57:20.534-08:002016-02-15T13:57:20.534-08:00Thanks for the hugs! I am looking forward to the d...Thanks for the hugs! I am looking forward to the day when I have no more baby showers. ALthough I guess one day I'll go to ones for friends' kids... hopefully not for a long long while! Jesshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15868505568965284742noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7998166587816121679.post-86422896435126309642016-02-15T13:56:48.606-08:002016-02-15T13:56:48.606-08:00Thank you! They are silly and good memories, which...Thank you! They are silly and good memories, which for me go together really nicely. :)Jesshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15868505568965284742noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7998166587816121679.post-15658529192583536992016-02-15T13:56:21.809-08:002016-02-15T13:56:21.809-08:00Thank you so much! I was nervous I was going to so...Thank you so much! I was nervous I was going to sound uber bitter and whiny, or like not such a great friend, but it's my truth and I'm sure I'm not the only one who feels this way. I wish it was more socially acceptable to talk freely about baby shower feelings in this state, without fearing that the honorees will see this and feel badly. I'm glad it resonated with you, and also sorry it resonates for you know what that feels like then... Ugh. I'm in Western NY, where are you?Jesshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15868505568965284742noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7998166587816121679.post-72791494661231367312016-02-15T13:54:19.986-08:002016-02-15T13:54:19.986-08:00Thanks -- it was surreal to have a babyless baby s...Thanks -- it was surreal to have a babyless baby shower, two at that, but while I'm scared it was too soon I'd rather too soon than too late for sure. Oh, yes...left out. Left behind AND left out. I should have realized that the wound is not totally healed (and probably never will be...) but it really surprised me how tough it was to sit through all that birth nonsense. Thank you for your hope! One of these days there will be amazing news to share. Jesshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15868505568965284742noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7998166587816121679.post-76088127746325217172016-02-15T13:52:33.643-08:002016-02-15T13:52:33.643-08:00Thank you! Both days were fun days, if awkward... ...Thank you! Both days were fun days, if awkward... :) I really tried to have my best face. Pretty sure I had some hairy eyeballs I couldn't control at both, but I did it! I guess I thought now that I'm at this point I had no excuse not to go to showers anymore, and now I know they are still desperately hard in their own ways. I think you are wise to know yourself and make your decisions on attending that way! Jesshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15868505568965284742noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7998166587816121679.post-18602147774327346502016-02-15T13:51:04.907-08:002016-02-15T13:51:04.907-08:00They really are awkward! It was lovely to meet a k...They really are awkward! It was lovely to meet a kindred spirit, and now feasibly my baby shower days are over unless there are some serious surprises in my sphere. :) Oh, nope, that's not right, there's the possibility of one more... But that's okay. I wish I had the balls to say "that's not nice" and walk away, but I just sat with a plastered grin and focused on the presents. The woman next to me who lives childfree blatantly surfed her cell phone, so I guess that's an option too. (I could never though, because I'm there for the honored friend.) It is so frustrating that these events tend to bring out the worst in the attendees! THanks for your thoughts and advice! Jesshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15868505568965284742noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7998166587816121679.post-14895468088010558652016-02-15T11:26:38.158-08:002016-02-15T11:26:38.158-08:00P.S. I like seeing your own shower pix :-)P.S. I like seeing your own shower pix :-)Lori Lavender Luzhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15394441222262940632noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7998166587816121679.post-40810108826626316772016-02-15T11:26:16.163-08:002016-02-15T11:26:16.163-08:00It's a special sort of hell, isn't it? I h...It's a special sort of hell, isn't it? I have to say, aging out of babyshowertime was a blessing.<br /><br />Big hugs to you.Lori Lavender Luzhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15394441222262940632noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7998166587816121679.post-33575056541157913982016-02-15T06:46:47.947-08:002016-02-15T06:46:47.947-08:00Yes, showers are weird. I don't like them. Eve...Yes, showers are weird. I don't like them. Even when I am the recipient. So awkward. Now I hear there are "mini-showers" called sprinkles?!?! I mean seriously. I think it's great and everyone should have a shower to help celebrate and get all the needed supplies for their marriage or baby, but I think it has sort of become excessive almost. I have been to some over the top showers where either the recipient wanted it to be elaborate or the giver was just trying to show off. And that just sucks. Especially because in my family...you had the shower at someone's house and everyone pitched in and made stuff and you sat on the living room floor during gift opening.<br />It is especially hard when your life isn't where you'd like it to be and you feel like an outsider. Those ladies at the table of the first shower were totally showing off and being braggarts and doing that thing where they make it like an exclusive club and that sucks. I am sorry. And shame on them for acting that way when they knew you were working toward parenting, as opposed to being someone who has never wanted kids, where I could see them being smug in that regard. I love your friend for being so inclusive during her shower and clearly making sure you felt like you belonged.<br /><br />I love your shower pics. Crazy eyes is my favorite!! And the one after, where you have that "I can behave" face Hahaha. Both dresses you wore are super cute and really suit you! Love the asymmetrical pattern on the black and white one especially.<br />I also thinks it's so cool that you are saving stuff to buy and open and put together. That will be a great distraction when you get THE call and have a lot of nervous/excited waiting for the BIG event.Charlottehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08987444437659867827noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7998166587816121679.post-40178133610785116732016-02-15T05:59:26.534-08:002016-02-15T05:59:26.534-08:00For one, your showers pics just make me feel reall...For one, your showers pics just make me feel really happy. I'm glad you carved out space for that rite of passage even if, culturallly, it's not automatic to do so. Second, all this stuff about showers - it has to be my favorite post on the topic ever. You just manage to say all the things about what a complex experience it is to feel happy for a friend and also wildly marginalized and misunderstood and raw with this tenuous "cellular wall" that holds everything together long enough to behave in socially appropriate ways and which gets its sustenance from lingering trips to the bathroom and the punch bowl. Yes. <br /><br />You are also a New York teacher? I wonder how far apart we are.A. (The Empress and the Fool)https://www.blogger.com/profile/17083835645629202031noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7998166587816121679.post-22091783908608062392016-02-15T05:25:14.048-08:002016-02-15T05:25:14.048-08:00I loved seeing the pictures of your showers! What...I loved seeing the pictures of your showers! What a lovely set of memories and I hear you about the timing and not having them linked to a specific match.<br /><br />The friends' showers...ughhh. I think you're amazing for going to them and managing to get through. I'm sorry you had to go through that. I still don't go to baby showers unless it's a very, very specific situation, and the constant labor/birth story thing is awful. It leaves out pretty much anyone who has a less-than-straightforward story, sort of highlighting the losses. <br /><br />Continuing to hope for you and Bryce in these days of waiting. <br /><br />Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7998166587816121679.post-2510501133224721462016-02-14T15:19:24.882-08:002016-02-14T15:19:24.882-08:00Your shower photos and memories are lovely. I thin...Your shower photos and memories are lovely. I think you are so wise to have those experiences before placement etc. starts.<br /><br />As for your accounts of your friends' showers, I applaud you for going and putting on your best face. I have pretty much ruled out going to any shower that is not for my nearest and dearest friend. There are a couple of friends whom I hope will be successful in becoming parents, and I will go to their baby showers should they have them and invite me.) Other relatives, work acquaintances, children of friends, etc? Nope.<br /><br />Having said that I think a shower is a nice way for people to show support to the mom-to-be, so I certainly don't begrudge anyone. But it's also OK to say I don't like it, not for me. torthúilhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07738803052167620020noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7998166587816121679.post-5242269030377209202016-02-14T05:03:42.298-08:002016-02-14T05:03:42.298-08:00Baby showers. Ugh. Showers in general. Double ugh....Baby showers. Ugh. Showers in general. Double ugh. I get the point, I really do, but they generally are awkward events, particularly because there are always people there who are completely clueless that anyone would exist outside of the state of married/ pregnant. And there's this assumption that unless you've been in either state you have zero right to share thoughts or insights. Frankly, they were bragging. And bragging never is nice.<br /><br />It's always hard to endure commentary from those who have caught the bragging bug. Smiling, telling them "that's nice" and walking away is usually the only way to handle it, but you also have permission to vent and know that their bad behavior isn't your issue.<br /><br />I'm so sorry that you had to endure that. May the good part of meeting a new friend outweigh the bad.Cristyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04317873211902543387noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7998166587816121679.post-77574125829604329952016-02-13T20:17:59.653-08:002016-02-13T20:17:59.653-08:00Quick clarification... "We will all have our ...Quick clarification... "We will all have our own stories of new motherhood" refers to all the baby shower recipients.Jesshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15868505568965284742noreply@blogger.com