tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7998166587816121679.post6417657724173957035..comments2023-11-19T21:42:17.901-08:00Comments on My Path to Mommyhood: I Did Not "Give Up"Jesshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15868505568965284742noreply@blogger.comBlogger26125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7998166587816121679.post-86915959261847660942017-08-22T08:30:59.258-07:002017-08-22T08:30:59.258-07:00I love this post - words and phrasing are so impor...I love this post - words and phrasing are so important! Like you say, "giving up" does connote something different than "moving on" or "letting go". Beautiful and insightful, one I'll bookmark.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7998166587816121679.post-33027301640281489532017-08-16T08:42:23.181-07:002017-08-16T08:42:23.181-07:00I hate it too. And it's everpresent, and so ea...I hate it too. And it's everpresent, and so easy to fall prey to when you are so hopeful. I also think it's easy to fall prey to if you are successful, to think that it's perseverance alone that will bring someone else the success that you gained, but that philosophy only makes me feel like a failure, like I wasn't worthy to receive this favor from wherever that others did. Which is so completely unhealthy. I love your definitions, definitely not positive in any way and horrible for sure. Thank you so much for your thoughts! Jesshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15868505568965284742noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7998166587816121679.post-89327233293657422212017-08-15T14:39:55.920-07:002017-08-15T14:39:55.920-07:00Thank you so much -- I like that, a corner-turning...Thank you so much -- I like that, a corner-turning moment. I live in a maze it seems, so yes to many, many corners, but healing is definitely happening. Bit by bit. Thank you so much for your thoughts!Jesshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15868505568965284742noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7998166587816121679.post-18976648498387335492017-08-15T14:39:03.842-07:002017-08-15T14:39:03.842-07:00Yes, I love what you say here! Perseverance as a z...Yes, I love what you say here! Perseverance as a zero sum game is definitely what it feels like. I love that, "I deserve more than this." I have made that choice before in a different context, and so it seems somehow ironic and unfair to have breached that point twice in my life...I just wish I could come to that point of realization before everything is at disaster level. :) Thank you so much for your thoughts!Jesshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15868505568965284742noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7998166587816121679.post-31504349902793483712017-08-15T14:36:40.420-07:002017-08-15T14:36:40.420-07:00Thank you so much, love you too!Thank you so much, love you too!Jesshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15868505568965284742noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7998166587816121679.post-51023754853415235512017-08-15T14:36:29.949-07:002017-08-15T14:36:29.949-07:00Thank you! Yes, love the moving forward, too. Thank you! Yes, love the moving forward, too. Jesshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15868505568965284742noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7998166587816121679.post-70511576050127489712017-08-15T14:36:10.728-07:002017-08-15T14:36:10.728-07:00Thank you! Although now I wish I'd thought of ...Thank you! Although now I wish I'd thought of Moving Forward... :)Jesshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15868505568965284742noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7998166587816121679.post-19246486087604536162017-08-15T14:35:43.103-07:002017-08-15T14:35:43.103-07:00I am so tempted to edit or add an addendum endorsi...I am so tempted to edit or add an addendum endorsing "Moving Forward!" Love that one. I'm stealing it. You made me cry with "Going forth like J & B" -- you are too sweet. Thank you so much for the hugs. Always appreciated!Jesshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15868505568965284742noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7998166587816121679.post-74224820458580836432017-08-15T14:34:50.942-07:002017-08-15T14:34:50.942-07:00I'm glad! It's a good quote. Absolutely, I...I'm glad! It's a good quote. Absolutely, I just wish it was more widely acknowledged that letting go can be a better choice than plowing forward and plowing under. Jesshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15868505568965284742noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7998166587816121679.post-67650285459235716472017-08-08T05:22:28.057-07:002017-08-08T05:22:28.057-07:00I read this post and started to muse on the negati...I read this post and started to muse on the negative connotations of 'give up'. I've personally always disliked those 'Never Give Up!' mantras in the context of IVF, adoption etc, in fact I hate them - the one I particularly detest is 'you are not a failure until you give up!' - ugh. But I've never examined the language and what alternative could be used. Myself, I tend to say 'we stopped, it wasn't working' when talking about fertility treatment (if I ever talk about it, which I don't much). Anyway, out of curiosity I googled the definition. "Cease making an effort; admit defeat", said Oxford Dictionaries. Synonyms are listed as "surrender, capitulate, be beaten; despair, lose heart, abandon hope". Horrible! So yes, let's definitely stop using the words 'give up' in this context. Beautifully-written post. https://differentshoresblog.wordpress.com/https://www.blogger.com/profile/16936131757889957955noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7998166587816121679.post-11605241645071833572017-08-01T05:52:21.527-07:002017-08-01T05:52:21.527-07:00I was just going to comment the same thing. After ...I was just going to comment the same thing. After we lost Caiden and Kaylie there was a lot of talk about "moving on" and I was so uncomfortable with that thought. I starting talking instead about "moving forward" and felt much better about it. It might seem like semantics to some, but it was an important difference to me - I was not trying to let go of what had happened, I was just putting one foot in front of the other.<br /><br />Jess, I'm so glad you found a more comfortable phrase for you. And thank you for sharing it to help everyone understand the power of word choice.Michellehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05273106454728669220noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7998166587816121679.post-90949363573968589672017-07-28T23:00:40.278-07:002017-07-28T23:00:40.278-07:00Another insightful, thoughtful and mindful post. ...Another insightful, thoughtful and mindful post. Yes on so much of what you wrote! The quote that you shared from your friend is awesome. Love it! Your words in this post bring a sense of turning a corner. There may likely be more corners along your path, but you sound like you are having moments of healing and it all adds up. :)Jamiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06275071143469111072noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7998166587816121679.post-87147860222444612812017-07-28T20:31:37.875-07:002017-07-28T20:31:37.875-07:00I really hate the term "giving up" becau...I really hate the term "giving up" because it implies that it is the weak or easy option, when as you and I know, it can be the most difficult, the most painful option. Sometimes "giving up" is the strong option, the mature option, the option that says, "I deserve more than this," the option that will require more commitment and perseverance than not giving up. Somehow our society has taken the idea of perseverance and hard work, and made it a zero sum game. That you should "never give up" and that "giving up" is a moral failing. When in my book, so many times it is the exact opposite. <br /><br />I'm giving up on the idea of giving up, and embracing moving on or moving forward, and knowing when you've had enough. Language is important. Intention is important. Your last paragraph therefore is exactly what we all want. Brava!Malihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03928262526502319303noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7998166587816121679.post-57233167508667416512017-07-27T19:40:39.429-07:002017-07-27T19:40:39.429-07:00Your words are so strong, and so beautiful. Your ...Your words are so strong, and so beautiful. Your words move me deeply. Love you.Pat Wheelhousehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05522148669774592247noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7998166587816121679.post-80351326455476441702017-07-27T16:28:35.490-07:002017-07-27T16:28:35.490-07:00I love this post. Moving forward. Love. I love this post. Moving forward. Love. Middle Girlhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12334580430376973159noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7998166587816121679.post-50893257255877096922017-07-27T15:54:46.915-07:002017-07-27T15:54:46.915-07:00Words are so important! I love your parsing of the...Words are so important! I love your parsing of the various terms and what you prefer & why. I am bookmarking this post! :) loribethhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09272814565916935113noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7998166587816121679.post-78310860959791783692017-07-27T14:35:19.874-07:002017-07-27T14:35:19.874-07:00I agree - while "moving on" is good, &qu...I agree - while "moving on" is good, "moving forward" sounds so much more positive. And given that you and Bryce have been the antithesis of "giving up," I think there should be a new phrase to describe it. Maybe, "Going forth like J&B" which would denote moving forward from a difficult situation/decision with incredible grace, honesty, and strength. *hugs*internetg33khttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12672869878789920528noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7998166587816121679.post-60873284105065920842017-07-27T14:12:24.639-07:002017-07-27T14:12:24.639-07:00It made me smile too :) It takes as much (if not m...It made me smile too :) It takes as much (if not more) strength to say 'enough'countingpinklineshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13383905256508822573noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7998166587816121679.post-25568639693706281602017-07-27T11:57:26.610-07:002017-07-27T11:57:26.610-07:00Oh, I love "moving forward." It keeps wh...Oh, I love "moving forward." It keeps what you experienced with you while going towards a different reality. Love it. Might actually like that more than "moving on." I think everyone has their preferences, but I'd be interested to see if anyone actually likes "giving up." And amen to talking back sooner control in our lives... Thanks for your thoughts!Jesshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15868505568965284742noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7998166587816121679.post-39789573885912469072017-07-27T11:54:31.680-07:002017-07-27T11:54:31.680-07:00Thank you, your support and respect mean so much t...Thank you, your support and respect mean so much to me! Jesshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15868505568965284742noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7998166587816121679.post-21753585595491174802017-07-27T11:53:38.845-07:002017-07-27T11:53:38.845-07:00Thank you! This has been rattling about in my mind...Thank you! This has been rattling about in my mind for days.Jesshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15868505568965284742noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7998166587816121679.post-1960793459290841022017-07-27T10:18:44.156-07:002017-07-27T10:18:44.156-07:00I can relate to trying to educate people on the te...I can relate to trying to educate people on the term you'd prefer when referring to your situation. What's interesting is that my husband and I prefer "moving forward" to "moving on" as there is just no moving on from our daughter, ever. Nor would we want to! But in your case, the use of that term over 'giving up' ABSOLUTELY makes sense. It's so interesting how the same phrase can be used in different circumstances and be preferred in one case, and not preferred in another. And hey, there may be a loss mom out there who actually prefers moving on to something else! It's all so individual, and it's so important and empowering to use what feels right to YOU and to educate others on that preference. Taking back some control in our lives, where we can. Good for you.MNhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15623936281811321845noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7998166587816121679.post-60930667618872856012017-07-27T09:15:45.315-07:002017-07-27T09:15:45.315-07:00So much this: "There is a cost to persistence...So much this: "There is a cost to persistence." And I have such deep respect for you for having the mindfulness, clarity, and resolution to monitor that and be decisive. <br /><br />And really, isn't giving up something that costs you too much comparable to giving up smoking and meth?Lori Lavender Luzhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15394441222262940632noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7998166587816121679.post-72058454184854991072017-07-27T09:09:17.988-07:002017-07-27T09:09:17.988-07:00Beautifully said Jess! That last paragraph sums it...Beautifully said Jess! That last paragraph sums it all up so perfectly.Charlottehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08987444437659867827noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7998166587816121679.post-64109981142117493162017-07-27T09:02:16.775-07:002017-07-27T09:02:16.775-07:00Ha ha ha, I almost spit my water across the room! ...Ha ha ha, I almost spit my water across the room! <br /><br />Yes, thank you. I agree it's such a hard lesson, but I love your words "healthy" and "liberating" -- yes. Jesshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15868505568965284742noreply@blogger.com