tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7998166587816121679.post3990237859780405406..comments2023-11-19T21:42:17.901-08:00Comments on My Path to Mommyhood: A Surprising Wave of GriefJesshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15868505568965284742noreply@blogger.comBlogger24125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7998166587816121679.post-77253838429021898962016-08-11T10:53:05.023-07:002016-08-11T10:53:05.023-07:00Thank you so much -- I feel like maybe I would fee...Thank you so much -- I feel like maybe I would feel differently about the embryos themselves if we'd had children from the cohort, if it was more of a loss than a chance at a beginning. The grief is so much around another process ending and it not bringing us family, in realizing how much we have done and how little we've gotten in return for our efforts, and really saying goodbye to to the last vestiges of our pregnancy quest. I sincerely hope this other woman gets pregnant with these embryos, but it will be a rough day. Like you said, all that grieving and acceptance is just so damn painful. Thanks for your thoughts!Jesshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15868505568965284742noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7998166587816121679.post-84791853842031543562016-08-04T15:03:01.651-07:002016-08-04T15:03:01.651-07:00When you originally posted about putting your embr...When you originally posted about putting your embryos up for adoption while beginning the process of domestic infant adoption, you seemed to be in such good humor about it. I thought - I would not handle it this well. Seems to me it's all part of the grieving and acceptance stuff, which is so damn painful (why oh why can't it be easier???) so this reaction makes a lot more sense to me. Breathe and remember that this too shall pass, xo.theempressandthefoolhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01433268677789964620noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7998166587816121679.post-41466921844629140302016-08-04T07:25:58.433-07:002016-08-04T07:25:58.433-07:00Thank you so much for your thoughts -- it means so...Thank you so much for your thoughts -- it means so much to me, especially as someone who clearly has an immense amount of empathy (that's you). Thank you for reading and for seeping (sorry about that) and for your thoughts and hugs. Jesshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15868505568965284742noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7998166587816121679.post-13978789312457793062016-08-04T07:24:47.671-07:002016-08-04T07:24:47.671-07:00Thank you so much for your thoughts and hugs. It r...Thank you so much for your thoughts and hugs. It really just brought so much of all our sad experiences right back up to the surface. It kind of shut me down in a way afterwards, but writing this post helped with the processing piece. Jesshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15868505568965284742noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7998166587816121679.post-39663240188328258622016-08-04T07:23:33.780-07:002016-08-04T07:23:33.780-07:00Thank you so much for your comment. It was such a ...Thank you so much for your comment. It was such a visceral experience and I guess I captured that in my post... It's funny, because we do all this out of unselfish love for our embryos, but also a somewhat selfish wish for our material, in some way, to go on out there without us. Jesshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15868505568965284742noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7998166587816121679.post-92223654132729972592016-08-04T07:22:03.478-07:002016-08-04T07:22:03.478-07:00Oh, thank you. I feel badly, like I have opened up...Oh, thank you. I feel badly, like I have opened up other people's wounds by writing about how the bloodwork reopened mine, but it helps so much to not feel alone. I love what you said, "re-grieving" -- yes. It's a part of you now, which is sad and awful but part of the whole life story, I guess. Jesshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15868505568965284742noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7998166587816121679.post-70469075266738967432016-08-04T07:20:23.577-07:002016-08-04T07:20:23.577-07:00Thank you so much... I wish we hadn't had to d...Thank you so much... I wish we hadn't had to do it but I understand regulations are regulations. Being in the chair with the needles again for a related purpose was such a surprising trigger after years of NOT being involved in that aspect of things. I love the idea of the tides leaving something good to discover. Jesshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15868505568965284742noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7998166587816121679.post-67057982071751439862016-08-04T07:18:43.410-07:002016-08-04T07:18:43.410-07:00Thank you so much, Mom. It's difficult to look...Thank you so much, Mom. It's difficult to look back on everything that has led us to the end of our chances to be pregnant (as if at the end there were actually chances), but it's absolutely the right decision. Helping another couple have a child is a part of it, but it's also more for us giving the embryos we created a chance to become something, to have a family. Jesshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15868505568965284742noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7998166587816121679.post-35885643344181187412016-08-02T13:56:07.691-07:002016-08-02T13:56:07.691-07:00I have no personal experience with infertility and...I have no personal experience with infertility and adoption, but your words reached through my keyboard and squeezed my heart until my eyes seeped too (albeit, not slowly). Thank you for sharing such a powerful, moving, personal moment with such eloquence and grace. And I completely agree - grief is far more tidal than linear. Keeping you in my thoughts. *hugs*internetg33khttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12672869878789920528noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7998166587816121679.post-69857505180190670992016-08-01T13:30:56.817-07:002016-08-01T13:30:56.817-07:00That is a lot to process all at once. I'm so ...That is a lot to process all at once. I'm so sorry you had to go through all that with the blood work. Like others, I teared up and wish I had the right words for this. Lots of thoughts and hugs for you during this time.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7998166587816121679.post-42539064726440220562016-07-27T21:20:54.174-07:002016-07-27T21:20:54.174-07:00It is difficult to know what to say. You poured y...It is difficult to know what to say. You poured your heart out on the page. I felt like almost an onlooker reading your post. I am sorry you had to go through that with the blood work. An unselfish love. Hugs for you. Tidal is so right.Jamiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06275071143469111072noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7998166587816121679.post-65483018312585022302016-07-27T11:30:50.898-07:002016-07-27T11:30:50.898-07:00I cried reading this. It is just so so normal that...I cried reading this. It is just so so normal that this experience and the finality of this would bring those feelings right back for you. Nothing will ever erase what you have been through. Nothing ever could. It's okay to need to re-grieve it every now and then. I know I will be 80 and still occasionally mourning what has happened to me this past year. Amyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00585102132829280344noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7998166587816121679.post-53310581584868493142016-07-26T21:02:05.982-07:002016-07-26T21:02:05.982-07:00So sorry that you had to go through this (to my mi...So sorry that you had to go through this (to my mind) totally unnecessary procedure and re live all the heartbrek. Your metaphor of the tides is very apt. I hope as the tides come in and recede they leave new life and treasures for you to discover.torthúilhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07738803052167620020noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7998166587816121679.post-60084942541005765052016-07-26T13:33:51.998-07:002016-07-26T13:33:51.998-07:00Oh, Jess, I'm so sorry you had to go through t...Oh, Jess, I'm so sorry you had to go through this yet again. You and Bryce are an amazing couple...donating your embryos so that another couple may have a child. I'm thinking of you, and am holding you close in my heart. Love you.Pat Wheelhousehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05522148669774592247noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7998166587816121679.post-40784582937140533662016-07-26T13:33:33.050-07:002016-07-26T13:33:33.050-07:00In retrospect, it was way better that Bryce was th...In retrospect, it was way better that Bryce was there so I could just disappear and then have someone to talk to immediately. Just not a good day at all. Thank you for your thoughts.Jesshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15868505568965284742noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7998166587816121679.post-49903700617960544022016-07-26T11:26:52.707-07:002016-07-26T11:26:52.707-07:00Some things place us back in that initial or repea...Some things place us back in that initial or repeated moment of pain. It isn't about getting over things...like you said...getting through them is the important thing. I'm so glad Bryce is there with you to go to bat.Amanda Prescotthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11709979610638621806noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7998166587816121679.post-57532111595502554692016-07-26T10:42:28.965-07:002016-07-26T10:42:28.965-07:00Yes, oh my gosh, I didn't even think of what i...Yes, oh my gosh, I didn't even think of what it would have been like to have been alone. I wouldn't have had the option to just run out, that's for sure. I am definitely grateful to Bryce for being there, filling his vials so quickly and allowing me to run and hide from the disaster of my feelings! :) Thank you for the hugs and the hopes for a little more positive in the balance. Jesshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15868505568965284742noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7998166587816121679.post-29765162518868573842016-07-26T10:40:47.006-07:002016-07-26T10:40:47.006-07:00Thank you for all the hugs and love and prayers. A...Thank you for all the hugs and love and prayers. All of this is nothing like how I'd thought building a family would be, even knowing going into it that it would be at least a little difficult. But, it's all part of the story, the sad along with the happy things. It does suck more than usual sometimes though, and that's kind of where I landed today. At least it is summer and I could go home and cocoon myself, I can't imagine having to go back to school and be "on" after that. Jesshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15868505568965284742noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7998166587816121679.post-71944859612096986392016-07-26T10:39:07.555-07:002016-07-26T10:39:07.555-07:00Thank you. To be understood is the best kind of hu...Thank you. To be understood is the best kind of hug. I don't think this kind of thing necessarily ever resolves, it just becomes a part of things, sometimes small and sometimes big. Jesshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15868505568965284742noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7998166587816121679.post-22939455170576540382016-07-26T10:22:09.327-07:002016-07-26T10:22:09.327-07:00I relate to this so much. I am so sorry that those...I relate to this so much. I am so sorry that those feelings just kind of smacked you in the face out of nowhere but I am thankful your husband was there to try and help ease the pain. So many times I know those things happen when you are doing something alone and you end up a blubbering mess in the car. (Been there - done that) <br /><br />Sending you lots of hugs and hoping this is the last step in your journey and you can soon have something positive come in your life that makes it all just a little easier, because like you said, it will never go away. ((HUGS)) <3Lavonne @ the OCD infertilehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17506595995853364027noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7998166587816121679.post-59123554629135299222016-07-26T10:16:22.259-07:002016-07-26T10:16:22.259-07:00I am so very, very sorry Jess. This breaks my hear...I am so very, very sorry Jess. This breaks my heart. So many hugs and much love and prayers for you to get you through this.<br />I know the world's not fair...but this just sucks and I will never understand why it has to be this way.Charlottehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08987444437659867827noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7998166587816121679.post-47546637344311472452016-07-26T10:15:24.207-07:002016-07-26T10:15:24.207-07:00Wow. I was right there with you, eyes seeping myse...Wow. I was right there with you, eyes seeping myself. PTSD, for sure. Tidal, for sure.<br /><br />I'm not sure when/if it will ever resolve.Lori Lavender Luzhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15394441222262940632noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7998166587816121679.post-26242766009436055732016-07-26T09:41:53.828-07:002016-07-26T09:41:53.828-07:00Eyes leaking! The whole "are you okay" g...Eyes leaking! The whole "are you okay" gets me every time, but so does the emotional responses of others. Thank you for holding me through this. I wish we hadn't had to do the panels, but if it meant moving things along, I wasn't going to fight it further. It's not been a fun day (I took the bandage off my arm and it left the blood blistery petechia that I just can't seem to avoid, and so now I get to look at a bruise on my elbowpit for days). Thank you for your thoughts, and your support, and your deeply caring presence. Jesshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15868505568965284742noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7998166587816121679.post-32252579006653574872016-07-26T09:20:16.442-07:002016-07-26T09:20:16.442-07:00I'm pretty emotional after reading this. Becau...I'm pretty emotional after reading this. Because after everything, you had to go through another panel (seriously?!?!? Don't they understand the IVF process? Or at least have files?). And then to take a difficult situation and spike it with more triggers. I'm crying just envisioning it.<br /><br />As you recently told me and stated here, it's one thing to be at peace, but entirely another for the pain to be gone. It won't be gone ever, just less sharp. And feeling these things, even as much as it sucks in the moment, does allow for healing.<br /><br />I guess what I'm trying to say is I'm sorry. I really am. I wish there was a way to make this easier. To block any triggers. The best I've got is many hugs and warm thoughts. And to let you know you're not alone while you grieve.Cristyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04317873211902543387noreply@blogger.com