tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7998166587816121679.post3380974749281382515..comments2023-11-19T21:42:17.901-08:00Comments on My Path to Mommyhood: We Are Hard To ClassifyJesshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15868505568965284742noreply@blogger.comBlogger6125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7998166587816121679.post-33582673516840062242014-01-25T06:40:07.429-08:002014-01-25T06:40:07.429-08:00Thank you so much for your comment! I really appre...Thank you so much for your comment! I really appreciate you sharing your story. Donor is so difficult on so many levels, and uneven donor is definitely a possible bag of snakes. I hope that the surgery is helpful--I am always nervous about things that could give hope and then take it away again but without hope we really have nothing. (I mean, after all this we have nothing at the moment anyway but a kickass relationship and two cats, but without hope there's not much point in soldiering on however we end up doing that...) Talking about feelings is hard but I think necessary because it will bubble up to the surface eventually anyway. This is definitely one of the harder things we have had to do and I just hope that it is worth it. Thank you for sharing your DS perspective--it is really hard to find that! (Probably because of all the men out there begging for privacy to some extent). Jesshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15868505568965284742noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7998166587816121679.post-43239918157884762014-01-23T12:30:08.303-08:002014-01-23T12:30:08.303-08:00Sorry that I'm just now catching up, but I'...Sorry that I'm just now catching up, but I'm in a similar place as you. We're about 99% likely going to be using DS (non-obstructive azoospermia with a failed TESE and a hail Mary varicocele-ectomy that we're giving 12 months before we do yet another TESE. Repeat SAs have shown no spe.rm, we're not hopeful, but this is how my husband is coming to terms with the loss of his bio/genetic connection). I, on the other hand, have high FSH and low AMH, indicating that I have diminished ovarian reserves. I have spent the last 12 months going through egg freeze cycles with varying degrees of success. Since we've never had sperm with which to fertilize my eggs, I don't know about the egg quality, but it's likely not great. So we might be looking at a DE situation as well. I'm in a slightly different limbo than you, but I can relate. While epigenetics gives me great comfort, but I haven't even talked about it with my husband for the very reasons you cite--males don't have that option. <br /><br />Honestly, we haven't talked about his feelings that much. Not to say that we haven't talked about it, but I haven't asked him and he hasn't said to me "this is how I feel about this." I know it's hard for him. I know that this is not what he wanted. I know that it will continue to be hard for him. I think he is ashamed (he wants us to lie to everyone about our use of DS--our families know there are problems, he wants us to tell them we got lucky). I think he might feel emasculated or that he might have done something wrong, however, this maybe feeling was surely assuaged when our dr. said it was genetic and had probably been the case since birth. I know he's worried that our child will be teased/feel ashamed/feel different. But I also know that he's excited about a possible pregnancy (I don't think he'll be disconnected from the pregnancy because it's not his genes); I know that he'll love this child with all his heart and soul. I think that he might be hurt if it's my eggs and DS and maybe resentful--but I also think we're strong enough to survive it. I think he's strong enough to survive it. I have a lot to think through, and I think we have a lot to discuss still, but we also have time; our timeline is to move forward with or without DS in May. I know this is a long comment, but I agree that it's hard to find the DS perspective and it's a scary one and I wanted to share what we're thinking/feeling/going through.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7998166587816121679.post-6544839388835107842014-01-12T11:15:33.780-08:002014-01-12T11:15:33.780-08:00I know! It is oddly comforting to have someone els...I know! It is oddly comforting to have someone else in a weird situation, as horrible as that might sound... The interesting thing is that we are not going to try IUI, because of all my issues that contribute to the infertility but may not be the root cause of why things go pffffttttt. I don't stim well with IUI, and with IVF there is just so much more control even though it's more expensive. I have a lot of information to share from my Egg Boot Camp that I am putting myself through (because I haven't used my eggs in going on two years by the time we do this thing, I am worried they are not as spry as they used to be). Lots of interesting supplements, although some are meant to address PCOS specific issues. For us, if the donor sperm doesn't do the trick, then it's down the adoption path we go. I can totally get your thoughts on adoption after FET given the losses that you've sustained--there's such a cumulative damage done with recurrent loss. We'll see where our paths take us and try to help each other along the way! :) Thanks for your thoughts!Jesshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15868505568965284742noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7998166587816121679.post-73632585925708527772014-01-12T11:06:19.078-08:002014-01-12T11:06:19.078-08:00Thank you so much--it has been weighing on us for ...Thank you so much--it has been weighing on us for a little while and it feels good to get it out there. Yet also terrifying. I agree, I was happy to carry the load of losing the genetic piece when we went egg donor (well, maybe HAPPY isn't quite the right word). Such a hard thing. I will share what you said about fathers with B--I think that is so helpful! Thanks for the support!Jesshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15868505568965284742noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7998166587816121679.post-3902950008495254742014-01-12T10:42:46.549-08:002014-01-12T10:42:46.549-08:00Oh MAN you and I are on such similar paths. If thi...Oh MAN you and I are on such similar paths. If this upcoming FET doesn't work there is the possibility of donor sperm in our future---although I just don't know if I can do it. It might be adoption if the FET doesn't work out. It is bizarre isn't it to have mourned so much biologically and to think it is over for you only to realize that it really might not be over for you? If I could have avoided all of this by spending a few hundred dollars on DS and an IUI all along---holy SHIT why didn't we just try that in the beginning? And why didn't anyone recommend that, just to see? Now I am almost 40---CAN we even use my eggs now? Or will it be DS and DE? Absurdland. Feeling you over here. I don't know of any male factor supports out there, but it is good thing to look into...Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7998166587816121679.post-57582666870375882492014-01-11T22:02:35.042-08:002014-01-11T22:02:35.042-08:00Goodness that is a load to process. I'm sorry...Goodness that is a load to process. I'm sorry that you have both struggled thus far (the synopsis of past cycles and loss). I don't know the flip side of the coin either. I honestly was almost grateful it was my loss and not my husbands as you say with research and just general greater ease in connecting to the possible pregnancy and developing baby that women have. I do believe too though that men have a profound affect on the child(ren) they are father too (genetic or not). And I think that affect starts right from the beginning of pregnancy. Fathers are such a keystone in a healthy development and I hope B finds some support of other men in this position. Wishing you success in any form that it may come.Michelle Dhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18344980628402079740noreply@blogger.com