tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7998166587816121679.post300924258290475274..comments2023-11-19T21:42:17.901-08:00Comments on My Path to Mommyhood: My Space, Haunted By GhostsJesshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15868505568965284742noreply@blogger.comBlogger26125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7998166587816121679.post-25393058262972192432017-06-25T08:59:03.644-07:002017-06-25T08:59:03.644-07:00I love how you are repurposing your space with suc...I love how you are repurposing your space with such purpose and care. I think it is perhaps the most effective way to deal with ghosts. I hear you are sad...I feel your sadness with you. I also know, as do you, that the emotions will continue to flow. I see that wise owl as an avatar of you.<br /><br />I love how your space is shaping up. It's a room I would feel so content in.Lori Lavender Luzhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15394441222262940632noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7998166587816121679.post-63175685401293714922017-06-21T08:01:45.198-07:002017-06-21T08:01:45.198-07:00I'm a little late in commenting but would it m...I'm a little late in commenting but would it make sense to put away some of the items that make you sad/make you think about the fact that the room was to be the baby's room? Even if just for a little bit while your feelings are still raw. Then whenever you are feeling like you are in a better place to decide what to do with them (keep them and display, give away, etc), you can bring them out? Just a suggestion.Non Sequitur Chicahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07268138421234170972noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7998166587816121679.post-13739594762570435192017-06-19T18:43:51.786-07:002017-06-19T18:43:51.786-07:00Thank you! Definitely a bittersweet space. Thank you! Definitely a bittersweet space. Jesshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15868505568965284742noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7998166587816121679.post-30495751928047326482017-06-19T18:43:32.136-07:002017-06-19T18:43:32.136-07:00Thank you! I am practicing that. "Office"...Thank you! I am practicing that. "Office" without the quote marks. :)Jesshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15868505568965284742noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7998166587816121679.post-65888613354030470182017-06-19T18:43:09.018-07:002017-06-19T18:43:09.018-07:00Yes. Great stuff here. I love that idea of choosin...Yes. Great stuff here. I love that idea of choosing to take my power back. It does feel like we've moved quickly on transforming things, but it is out of empowerment, out of a "Take that, stagnant years!" feeling. True, I'd hate to give things away I wasn't quite ready to and regret it. Such a hard task, but a necessary task, and lovely to see the beautiful space (love that "Literacy Sanctuary" label) emerge from something that was hope and then sadness. Jesshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15868505568965284742noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7998166587816121679.post-42736362122155976562017-06-19T18:40:58.930-07:002017-06-19T18:40:58.930-07:00Ha! Or for longer, maybe... Maybe I'm just wai...Ha! Or for longer, maybe... Maybe I'm just waiting for the right person to give them to. Who knows. Jesshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15868505568965284742noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7998166587816121679.post-4657202838874145852017-06-19T18:40:25.268-07:002017-06-19T18:40:25.268-07:00Thank you! I want to find a place for the stuffed ...Thank you! I want to find a place for the stuffed animals, but at the same time I'd rather they go to be used by someone than languish in a dark closet in a tub or something. But maybe baby steps on this one. I definitely love the owl toys. But do I really need them? No. It definitely feels like a zigzag line, a rollercoaster of "I'm doing so much better!" and then "I sort of want to disappear into a deep dark hole forever!" and everything in between. I can be thrown pretty easily into a big funk. But, the room looking so different is definitely helping. Every weekend it gets a little better in here. Jesshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15868505568965284742noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7998166587816121679.post-19824882524988566512017-06-19T18:37:35.918-07:002017-06-19T18:37:35.918-07:00Yup. I haven't vacuumed in here since and I ca...Yup. I haven't vacuumed in here since and I can still see the dent from one leg. I think. Maybe it's from something else and that's what I'm choosing to see. I'm really loving how things are working out though, one more piece of furniture and it will be my complete office space, mine all mine!Jesshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15868505568965284742noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7998166587816121679.post-26768290426042524692017-06-19T18:36:23.117-07:002017-06-19T18:36:23.117-07:00It is sad, but also freeing. I love our house righ...It is sad, but also freeing. I love our house right now, which is unexpected. These transitions are tough but feel like taking back control over what was so uncontrollable. I am excited that we now have a living room where we can actually seat more than 4 people! new memories to come for sure. Jesshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15868505568965284742noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7998166587816121679.post-35541397517485765412017-06-18T02:38:44.274-07:002017-06-18T02:38:44.274-07:00I am loving your description of the evolution of y...I am loving your description of the evolution of your new space...slowly unfurling, like a rose...not without thorns, but beautiful nonetheless.Pat Wheelhousehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05522148669774592247noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7998166587816121679.post-9164678386144361412017-06-16T06:32:36.427-07:002017-06-16T06:32:36.427-07:00Your space is coming along nicely. Someday it will...Your space is coming along nicely. Someday it will be referred to as the office without hesitation. Peace. Middle Girlhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12334580430376973159noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7998166587816121679.post-39755734395828560392017-06-15T23:13:11.350-07:002017-06-15T23:13:11.350-07:00The transformation of the space is beautiful. It ...The transformation of the space is beautiful. It takes time, and it will continue to evolve. While it is not an easy or singular task, you are doing it. Instead of being emotionally and physically stuck in the nursery, you are choosing to take your power back, to be brave and to choose healing as you redefine the space to be your literacy sanctuary for reading, writing and creativity.<br /><br />After my mom lost both of her parents, an aunt or uncle said that as you go through their belongings, you will know what to keep and what is to go. And the things you are just not sure about, hold onto them. Pack them up, put them in storage for a year. After that year goes by, go through it again and you will better know what to keep. Sometimes it is better to hold onto somethings for a spell than to have regret in parting with something too soon.<br /><br />I feel this is appropriate for many types of losses. Try not to feel too guilty about not letting go of certain things, especially ones that you feel you "should" right now, but hesitate. Give yourself credit for what you have pared down. You have found a new home for many, many of the items. Your grieving has its own timeline and path.<br /><br />Fading carpet lines got me too.Jamiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06275071143469111072noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7998166587816121679.post-77150055796386315302017-06-13T16:51:15.190-07:002017-06-13T16:51:15.190-07:00Did I write "for a while?" For a year, i...Did I write "for a while?" For a year, if that is what you need!Malihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03928262526502319303noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7998166587816121679.post-5619312848644731612017-06-13T16:50:44.486-07:002017-06-13T16:50:44.486-07:00The room is looking great. Can you find somewhere ...The room is looking great. Can you find somewhere - a cupboard maybe? - for the soft toys for a while? Bring them out gradually or all at once (or not at all) as you feel ready for them.<br /><br />The struggle is real. I have said often that it got harder before it got better. The ghosts rarely plague me now - even when my little niece visits and I put out my soft toys on the bed for her (in the room that would have been the baby's room), or when I read her a bedtime story. But they did take a while to go. Even when you have transformed the room, it's okay to avoid it for a while if it helps. <br /><br />Hugs.Malihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03928262526502319303noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7998166587816121679.post-19978153832631748522017-06-13T13:37:12.928-07:002017-06-13T13:37:12.928-07:00The fading crib marks on the carpet are what got m...The fading crib marks on the carpet are what got me. :( Love the lamp & the chaise, though! Enjoy!! -- you have earned it! loribethhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09272814565916935113noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7998166587816121679.post-6608800777083845162017-06-13T00:51:13.493-07:002017-06-13T00:51:13.493-07:00The ghosts of what could have been is a good way t...The ghosts of what could have been is a good way to put it. I can imagine how sad it must be rearranging your house and the entire future you had planned out for yourselves. I hope the sad times will become fewer but let yourselves feel what you need to feel and process. I love the owls by the way. I hope those rooms will soon be replaced with happier memories. dublinerinDeutschlandhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14804856792598440633noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7998166587816121679.post-63201865067190374402017-06-12T18:57:28.274-07:002017-06-12T18:57:28.274-07:00Yes. So many places to remind me of loss, but slow...Yes. So many places to remind me of loss, but slowly I am making a new space to reflect a new life while honoring the one I lost, the dream that won't ever be reality. Sigh indeed... Thank you for your thoughts. Jesshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15868505568965284742noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7998166587816121679.post-84279987618318942832017-06-12T18:56:30.343-07:002017-06-12T18:56:30.343-07:00Me, too. I am real happy with how the office is tu...Me, too. I am real happy with how the office is turning out, like a little study nook, a place for creating new things... but it is so sad to think of all that was "supposed" to be happening here that never will. Some things are just beyond understanding, I think. Thank you for the wishes of peace and the thoughts and prayers... Much appreciated!Jesshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15868505568965284742noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7998166587816121679.post-4376456567097563962017-06-12T18:55:21.936-07:002017-06-12T18:55:21.936-07:00Oh, yes. It's a haunted house right now, even ...Oh, yes. It's a haunted house right now, even as we've worked so hard to transform it relatively quickly. I always need help to not feel the guilt and the stress, but it's good to take time with some things. The transformation is incredibly healing...having a room for someone who didn't exist for so long and so many things stored for a What If became heavy, and now things are lighter in that regard although obviously still real sad. I am loving my new room so far, can't wait to get it all set and feel like Virginia Woolf, you know? Thanks for the love!Jesshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15868505568965284742noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7998166587816121679.post-55442459390655723502017-06-12T18:53:25.898-07:002017-06-12T18:53:25.898-07:00Hello! Thank you so, so much for the very high com...Hello! Thank you so, so much for the very high compliments. I appreciate you aching with me and feeling the hope for me that I can see a sliver of, that I cling to in hopes that something good will come of all this heartbreak. There is actually so much good mixed in with the losses. I so appreciate your thoughts and hopes, and the hugs especially!Jesshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15868505568965284742noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7998166587816121679.post-63594758982300365932017-06-12T18:51:42.954-07:002017-06-12T18:51:42.954-07:00Thank you! The desk comes tomorrow, I can't wa...Thank you! The desk comes tomorrow, I can't wait. Yes to the just can'ts. I have my box of things, but I also don't want stuff like toys or books to rot here, either, having a sort of life unlived. I think I did pretty well getting most things on to a new life, possibly with a tiny baby already. You're right, why rush the other things? Keep what I need to, and evaluate as we go. Once it's gone there's no getting it back. Thank you for the hugs!Jesshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15868505568965284742noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7998166587816121679.post-91919472923633330172017-06-12T11:32:22.649-07:002017-06-12T11:32:22.649-07:00Sigh.....the ghosts of what-could-have-been can be...Sigh.....the ghosts of what-could-have-been can be the worst. I hope you find a way to acknowledge them while making the little room your own.torthúilhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07738803052167620020noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7998166587816121679.post-66223743951448041882017-06-12T07:46:56.016-07:002017-06-12T07:46:56.016-07:00I love what this room is becoming but honestly I h...I love what this room is becoming but honestly I hate that it has to become that way. Sometimes I just don't understand...please just know that I keep you so very close in my thoughts and prayers and I hope you find the peace you so much deserve.Lavonne @ the OCD infertilehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17506595995853364027noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7998166587816121679.post-82696665914695667422017-06-12T05:35:22.123-07:002017-06-12T05:35:22.123-07:00The ghosts are understandable given all that was p...The ghosts are understandable given all that was planned for (worked for, bleed for, etc). Following any trauma, I think it's completely normal. I will echo what BnB said about giving yourself permission to make decisions when you are ready. For now, hold on to those things that are precision and deal with the "what to dos" when it feels like you can. No guilt or stress.<br /><br />The room looks lovely, btw. You are doing amazing work with it. Cristyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04317873211902543387noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7998166587816121679.post-52766904585061194962017-06-11T20:10:35.360-07:002017-06-11T20:10:35.360-07:00Long time reader. You express yourself with a poet...Long time reader. You express yourself with a poetic and raw honesty. Your willingness to share such an incredibly painful journey is awe inspiring. This life is hard and unexpected and often painful. The dedicated and relentless keep looking for moments and parts of beauty no matter what. My heart aches for you but also rejoices for you as I can feel that you will find new joys and loves that you may not yet even know of. Hugs. Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12013682326338675633noreply@blogger.com