tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7998166587816121679.post2659966288920848036..comments2023-11-19T21:42:17.901-08:00Comments on My Path to Mommyhood: When Time Speeds By But You Stand StillJesshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15868505568965284742noreply@blogger.comBlogger10125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7998166587816121679.post-41067481893335299272017-03-25T09:51:51.004-07:002017-03-25T09:51:51.004-07:00It really isn't a competition, although it see...It really isn't a competition, although it seems that way when you lay it out, right? I always ask for feedback. It ranges from "the other family had a different makeup" which can mean anything from already having a child to having more extended family in the area or more possible aunts and uncles and cousins for a child. It really is just what feels right to the birth/expectant parents -- it can be "nothing was identified" or "they just felt more connected to the other family." There is nothing concrete to hang on to, which is difficult but also encouraging that it's literally nothing we can change or do. We've been told our book is awesome, and no one is put off by our book...we just haven't been The One for anyone yet. Just another part of the process that makes it hard -- how can you not search for what it is about yourself that might make us not chosen? So human nature. Ask away, I don't mind questions like these whatsoever! :) You asked very sensitively, so thank you. :)Jesshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15868505568965284742noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7998166587816121679.post-13969265894158138772017-03-20T18:39:39.717-07:002017-03-20T18:39:39.717-07:00I am so, so sorry for your losses. There is someth...I am so, so sorry for your losses. There is something so frustrating about having these things taken away -- to see the people who announce early in the first trimester and have everything work out and then realize you're struggling with just never being able to say anything, or being denied the feeling of safety in your pregnancy to feel comfortable sharing until the end. I think with parents the end is best, but it's hard when the end for me is always with no advance notice even for me. :) I agree with you that that those who matter will be nothing but thrilled when this all comes to fruition, someday. I hope! I think for me it's the standing still more than the telling or not. It's being in the same place, year after year after year. Thanks so much for your thoughts and sharing your story.Jesshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15868505568965284742noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7998166587816121679.post-7046120864676226142017-03-20T12:22:57.931-07:002017-03-20T12:22:57.931-07:00Just wondering if you ever hear from your adoption...Just wondering if you ever hear from your adoption agency constructive feedback on why another family is chosen instead of you and Bryce? To me, it's no question that you would be wonderful parents, but I'm 41, not your target audience ha ha! I hope this doesn't come off as crass to even ask you this, that is not my intention. Unknownhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00209955310352075684noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7998166587816121679.post-56357621521803290462017-03-20T03:12:07.000-07:002017-03-20T03:12:07.000-07:00As someone who has gone through her share of pregn...As someone who has gone through her share of pregnancy loss, and did manage one live baby, I didn't tell anyone I was pregnant until I was over 25 weeks along, because i didn't want to untell them when/if it ended with a dead baby again. I imagine having to tell people your baby didn't live is about as miserable as telling them you are still waiting-- and honestly, it really REALLY does suck, especially as everyone else is on their second living baby. So all this to say, you do what feels right for you, and stop worrying about everyone else. When the day comes and you head off work to be with your baby, all those who matter will be nothing but thrilled.Unknownhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12510073005785076994noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7998166587816121679.post-43902060400421303722017-03-19T14:21:17.940-07:002017-03-19T14:21:17.940-07:00Thank you so much for your thoughts. I just left t...Thank you so much for your thoughts. I just left the longest reply comment in the world for Torthuil, but the basics is this... I'm not TTC, I'm like a pregnant person but who is stuck at third trimester forever, because that baby is going to come with very little notice. I didn't tell parents when I was going through IVF, because I'd have plenty of time (hopefully) if I got pregnant...when I started to show, I could start having those conversations. However, now there's no marker. Now there is a very real possibility as shown by January's profile opportunity that I could be here today, out on maternity leave tomorrow. But the 7th grade groups don't need to know that, I do agree totally on that one! They'll find out hopefully sooner than September open house (or personal letter writing). It just stinks to watch the years cycle by so clearly because of the school year, and think about all the students I will have to email when this finally does work out because now there are three school years' worth! HOLY CRAPOLA that's a lot of notifications. I still get emails from kids I had three years ago asking if I've got my baby yet. So you can see how it's a double edged sword, to have so many people invested (yay so much love!) but to have so many people pile up because NOTHING CHANGES (boo stagnancy and feeling sorry for myself). THank you for the wish to conjure up a baby, I wish that was true too. I will never understand why this whole endeavor has been so, so, SO hard. But the pain will come and go (and come again), and all you guys cheering me on and abiding with me when I'm crotchety about the whole thing makes a big difference. So thank you! Jesshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15868505568965284742noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7998166587816121679.post-79324636096805052852017-03-19T14:16:07.327-07:002017-03-19T14:16:07.327-07:00Thank you for your thoughts, they are worth a lot....Thank you for your thoughts, they are worth a lot. I think the thing that stands out to me is that when I first entered into the adoption arena, the teacher I shared my more intensive program with was due in May. So she was telling everyone that she was not going to be there the following year, and she was so obviously expecting a child, and I felt so horribly jealous at the similarities (even my school psychologist was like, "you're expecting too! You could say something!") but the vast difference that I walk around like a ticking time bomb, as though I am 30 weeks (or 40!) ALL THE TIME. I won't have advance notice most likely. I won't "pop." So I like to give some advance notice in September at Open House at least (and it's on my About Me section of my teacher website), so it's not a shock. But you're right, there's ABSOLUTELY no reason to tell the 7th grade people so early. I can always email them (or have my 7th grade colleage do it) if something comes up, that it was nice to meet them but SEEYA! But the reality is that I will probably be doing the whole "hey, guess what" talk in September. Again. Sigh. Being transparent has its advantages, and I love that I don't have to be sneaky about my phone ringing during the work day, and my adoption shoot card (the less tongue-in-cheek, hopeful, martini-free one from two years ago) is on my door. Because everyone else puts their family cards with babies and cute kids and stuff on their doors, so why should I be left out? <br /><br />Anyway, long rant, but I see your point about the possibility of leaves for other reasons...and I definitely chose not to spill the beans early in hopes that the beans spill themselves before this group becomes mine. I just want some change, dammit. It sucks to feel stuck in the same amorphous place. But that's why they say the waiting is so hard. SO HARD. Man, sorry to reply so long! :)You got me thinking. :)Jesshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15868505568965284742noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7998166587816121679.post-46200446821911903942017-03-19T14:09:34.185-07:002017-03-19T14:09:34.185-07:00Thank you. It really does suck to face the end of ...Thank you. It really does suck to face the end of another year, even though there's still 12 weeks or so left. Every reminder that we are inching closer to a second renewal of our home study makes me sad. But some days are sadder than others, so I'll process those and move on by. I appreciate the thoughts! Jesshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15868505568965284742noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7998166587816121679.post-411275488600063662017-03-18T16:02:47.419-07:002017-03-18T16:02:47.419-07:00Life is so incredibly, extraordinarily unfair. I a...Life is so incredibly, extraordinarily unfair. I am so sorry Jess. sending so many good thoughts out to you right now, hoping it helps to make your load feel a little lighter. Lots of prayers, too, as always.<br />I don't blame you for not having the conversation with parents. I honestly don't think it's any of their business, in the same way that it wouldn't be if you were naturally TTC and could potentially become pregnant and out on leave long before the next school year would start. I mean, you wouldn't share that, right? Just because it's adoption and could potentially happen in a moments notice doesn't mean you aren't entitled to your privacy surrounding that.<br />And like Torthuil said above, any number of things could happen last minute to make you require time off that you could never plan for. <br />~Sigh~If only good thoughts could conjure a baby...Jess, you have so many people pulling for you, so many people on your side. I feel helpless that all this love isn't enough to take away your pain. (((Big Hugs)))Charlottehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08987444437659867827noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7998166587816121679.post-15082337810239391402017-03-18T13:27:33.596-07:002017-03-18T13:27:33.596-07:00I'm sorry this is so hard. You are obviously a...I'm sorry this is so hard. You are obviously a very caring and responsible person, to both your students and their families (and in special ed it definitely is a team effort). It was kind of you to inform parents of the possibility that you might not be their child's teacher at the same time. But on the other hand I can picture your frustration at having that conversation about adoption, and truly, I don't think you need feel guilty about avoiding the matter. Yes adoption will in some way interfere with your teaching schedule, but so, hypothetically, could any number of other events: accident, injury, unexpected life event, you win the lottery or an all expenses paid trip abroad (I had to add some happy ones in there). You are a professional but also a human with a right to attempt human endeavours that have been attempted by people since the dawn of time, such as starting a family. All your student families had a child by some means, so they can hardly fault you for wanting the same, I think. That's my way of thinking. No matter what the long, uncertain wait still sucks, in myriad ways. But you have my psychological support in the interesting project of attempting to sabotage one's currently manageable life in favour of another unknown, possibly less manageable one. For what it's worth.torthúilhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07738803052167620020noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7998166587816121679.post-42018026682403186802017-03-18T12:55:12.182-07:002017-03-18T12:55:12.182-07:00This is just hard, plain and simple. It's hard...This is just hard, plain and simple. It's hard because of all you said above and because so few people actually can relate. But it's hard because this whole process is hard. <br /><br />I'm so sorry that it's another year of facing this and being in limbo. That alone sucks. Thinking of youCristyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04317873211902543387noreply@blogger.com