tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7998166587816121679.post2109637302459625254..comments2023-11-19T21:42:17.901-08:00Comments on My Path to Mommyhood: Having Myself a Little (ugly) Pity PartyJesshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15868505568965284742noreply@blogger.comBlogger12125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7998166587816121679.post-49017914316350965392014-04-06T14:02:03.218-07:002014-04-06T14:02:03.218-07:00Thank you, Lindsey--that means a lot! I appreciate...Thank you, Lindsey--that means a lot! I appreciate your rooting, and I hope that I can trade in the emotional, hormonal, and physical minefield of infertility for the same minefield in pregnancy after infertility... :) I appreciate you weighing in, and I will do my best to stop shoulding myself. ;)Jesshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15868505568965284742noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7998166587816121679.post-56400630333708112492014-04-06T14:00:08.994-07:002014-04-06T14:00:08.994-07:00Thanks, lady... I'm sorry we're in the sam...Thanks, lady... I'm sorry we're in the same boat, but it is comforting to know that the ugly pity party is not a solo event. I can't wait to celebrate with you!Jesshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15868505568965284742noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7998166587816121679.post-19068465445474056132014-04-03T07:10:01.614-07:002014-04-03T07:10:01.614-07:00Jess, I'm so glad you wrote this post! You hav...Jess, I'm so glad you wrote this post! You have such a gift for putting into words what so many have felt (myself included)! Your therapist is spot on, stop shoulding yourself! Your feelings are just that, YOURS! When walking through the emotional, hormonal, and physical minefield of infertility, the last thing you should be worrying about is justifying or rationalizing your feelings. Just know that I am here, rooting for you and Bryce, and cannot wait to celebrate your family when it happens (because I know it will) :)Lindsey Gagehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16656369641031473734noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7998166587816121679.post-56264409728750929662014-04-02T06:35:18.750-07:002014-04-02T06:35:18.750-07:00Jess, you are absolutely not alone! Once again you...Jess, you are absolutely not alone! Once again you totally spoke my mind. Thank you for being brave enough to share it all. It is so hard to hear about all the wonderful, beautiful pregnancies in the world, for so many reasons, but especially because I feel even worse, that it makes me feel sad. it's such a mean spiral. WHY NOT ME?! we will know the answer when our babes are in our arms, but until then, I'll join you at your pity party anyday, until we can celebrate together. love you. bethie75https://www.blogger.com/profile/04217470752354333943noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7998166587816121679.post-18563934390568644292014-04-01T18:23:06.353-07:002014-04-01T18:23:06.353-07:00Thank you so much! It is so helpful to know that I...Thank you so much! It is so helpful to know that I am not alone in feeling this way from time to time, and that it DOESN'T make me a terrible person. It is hard when you are stuck on this path for a long time and even the tough tough cases ahead of you are solved but you're still here, truckin' along. It does feel like "no one has it worse than me" even if that's not true. You can feel like you are just never going to make it to the other side and everyone else will beat you even though it's not a race (but kinda sorta it is). <br /><br />I feel for your sadness and the waiting and the commiseration with my ugly pity party. I am rooting for you, too! I would love to shift this pity party into a Congratulations, FINALLY party. Thanks for your support, I so appreciate it! Jesshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15868505568965284742noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7998166587816121679.post-59223545879161937802014-04-01T17:07:44.302-07:002014-04-01T17:07:44.302-07:00Thank you, Kelsey! I love the two scoops analogy. ...Thank you, Kelsey! I love the two scoops analogy. I appreciate you saying something thoughtful even though you prefaced it with "I don't know what to say..." because you totally NAILED what to say. I appreciate every word and I appreciate the lack of promises and the attendance at my pity party... And YES. I hope to be asking you all about pregnancy when I get there this summer, I hope I hope I hope. Thanks for your support!Jesshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15868505568965284742noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7998166587816121679.post-2942457810771204362014-04-01T13:17:33.736-07:002014-04-01T13:17:33.736-07:00I haven't been at this as long as you--but I d...I haven't been at this as long as you--but I definitely have uncharitable thoughts about others. Mainly it's about the infertility-lite folks. I alluded to it (or maybe actually admitted it?) when I wrote about my cousin who got pregnant after 1 round of Clomid and TI. She says she gets it, but all I can think is NO YOU DON'T, YOU DON'T GET ANYTHING ABOUT WHAT I'M GOING THROUGH. Because the hope, the pain, the sadness, the waiting is interminable. And we just have to live with it. There's no sadness like the sadness in my husband's voice when he tells me that yet another SA had nothing. And what the hell am can I say to make him less sad? And all I can think of is, nobody has it worse than me, which I know isn't true. But damn, if we can't throw ourselves a little pity party every once in a while, who can?<br /><br />I hope so, so much that this goes well for you. There are a few people out there who's success I want as much as my own, and your definitely one of them. I'm wishing with every fiber of my being that this is your time.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7998166587816121679.post-40511328330335919212014-03-31T17:38:05.241-07:002014-03-31T17:38:05.241-07:00Jess, I really don't know what to say. Howeve...Jess, I really don't know what to say. However, I don't think you need to apologize (even minimally) for the way you are feeling. It is entirely possible to feel "double-scoop" feelings (as a therapist friend of mine puts it). She works with children and explains that is totally possible and normal even to feel feelings that seem completely at odds. She says it is like having an ice cream cone with two scoops...one flavor being your favorite, yummiest flavor in the whole world, and the other being a pile of dog poo. No matter how yummy that first flavor might be, you've got to get through the dog poo to reach it...and lets face it, it sort of ruins the taste of the whole cone. I can appreciate that you are and want to be genuinely happy for others and feel lonely and beyond sad for yourself at the same time. And I commend you for writing about it, because it couldn't have been easy. I wish there was something I could do or say to make it better. I wish I could make you promises that you will find your happy ending soon...but no one has that authority. It absolutely sucks that you have been at this for so long and have been through so much. It sucks that there are no guarantees. And it sucks that it hurts so bad. The one thing I can promise is that I will attend any future pity parties you have without judgment and will be rooting for you. I really really hope this is the summer you're dreaming of! Kelseyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02475215174723439229noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7998166587816121679.post-79947747845770485592014-03-30T09:42:28.033-07:002014-03-30T09:42:28.033-07:00OMG! Baseline--that is so exciting! You have worke...OMG! Baseline--that is so exciting! You have worked so hard to get to this point, and I am so happy for you. I hope it's a fruitful month for the two of us! <br /><br />Yup, I get tired of the "just think positive" and the insinuation that having a negative thought makes you less of a person, less of a warrior, less likely to have good karma come back to you. That's crap. On the other side, being negative all the time makes people feel less cozy about you, and can drag you into a pit of despair (been there). So, again with my awesome therapist, "it's ok, necessary even, to sit in your shit. Just don't stay down there too long." Or my friend, "You can have yourself a pity party. Just know people won't want to party with you for long." But yeah, tough to see how the blog world evolves and more and more successes ramp up and you're still sitting here wondering why you didn't get invited to THAT party. <br /><br />I'm glad I'm in your brain, because it means you're in MY brain and we're not so lonely after all! :) Not so glad for the circumstance, but it is so comforting to know that others feel this way and I'm not some bitchy anomaly. <br /><br />Here's hoping we join the pregos on the blogroll! Here's hoping in sharing ugliness we can heal and get in the game with everyone else. Somehow, someday. :) Thanks for your support, I am SO grateful for your friendship. Jesshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15868505568965284742noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7998166587816121679.post-73042814843498850582014-03-30T09:35:53.657-07:002014-03-30T09:35:53.657-07:00Thank you so much for your reply. I was most nervo...Thank you so much for your reply. I was most nervous that I would hurt your feelings with this post! I felt it was important because it is such a hard thing to write about and I think, generally speaking, most women have this difficulty in expressing emotions that might make others feel icky. Or, conversely, make yourself feel icky. <br /><br />I am thinking of you and holding you in my heart in these tenuous weeks... I am hoping that week 6 is smooth and breezy and all the weeks leading up to your babies entry to the world are free of the incredible sorrow you have had to bear. I have had one true miscarriage (ectopics are a freakshow beast) and I can't imagine suffering that over and over again... the fear of those weeks is terrifying but I am so hoping that you clear those hurdles this time with no oddities, no disasters, nothing but growing little babylings. <br /><br />Thank you so much for your ever-present support, especially when I feel ugly on the inside. <br /><br />Oh, and my therapist ROCKS THE CASBAH. Not for everyone, but I love me a counselor who drops a thoughtful F-bomb and comes up with cussy-sounding adages to help you be kinder to yourself! :)Jesshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15868505568965284742noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7998166587816121679.post-46880483975079774422014-03-30T08:00:45.648-07:002014-03-30T08:00:45.648-07:00Yet again...it's like you are right up in my b...Yet again...it's like you are right up in my brain. As we've not moved forward the last two years, I haven't shared much because the only feelings I've been having are negative nancy ones. People don't want to hear the ugly. They just want to tell you that sometime soon you'll be there with them. <br /><br />As I was checking out the blogs I follow ( many of which I got from your blogroll) I said to myself, "Are there any non-pregnant infertiles left out there?" <br /><br />We also have a baseline appointment this week :) so hopefully, this means great things for the last two non-pregnant infertiles left in the world. :)Ahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11569304261655584855noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7998166587816121679.post-73511173622483062992014-03-30T05:58:41.566-07:002014-03-30T05:58:41.566-07:00This is such a thoughtful post. Yes, it is just as...This is such a thoughtful post. Yes, it is just as important to air the negative as the positive! I have watched people in my life move steadily through normal life stages, and like you say, it's not a whirlwind, and yet still they are so far "ahead" of me. I know it's not a race, but time is linear, so we can't help but experience it that way sometimes.<br /><br />Because I lost my last in the seventh week, and I'm only at week 5 with this pregnancy, I do not yet feel on the other side. But I also know the crazy mixed feelings that have cropped up when I've heard about other blogger-friends pregnancies---it's truly frustrating, because I want to have the purest feelings of happiness for them, but there is this dark undercurrent of wanting so badly to be on that boat with them. Knowing that, it's a little tricky to write posts expressing what I need or want to write for myself while always keeping my audience, and what they are suffering, in mind. <br /><br />I am ashamed to admit (but I love your therapist's comment about "shoulds") that I find myself thinking of women who have recurrently miscarried the same number of times as I have, or a little less (I don't know anyone who has miscarried more than I have---oh my God that is scary!!) and as I see them progress through the first trimester, I have panicky thoughts like: "Please don't leave me behind!" I desperately want them to succeed; I also desperately do not want to be left behind. It's enough to make the sanest person feel crazytown.<br /><br />This cycle, you are covering all bases, and you are *going* go figure out this giant science experiment and win. It just takes so damn long!<br />~theunexpectedtrip<br /> Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13358207097134057422noreply@blogger.com