tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7998166587816121679.post1384358485053105793..comments2023-11-19T21:42:17.901-08:00Comments on My Path to Mommyhood: Feeling the Envy...And Then Letting It GoJesshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15868505568965284742noreply@blogger.comBlogger10125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7998166587816121679.post-48671638710084941882017-02-27T10:02:06.596-08:002017-02-27T10:02:06.596-08:00I have so many things that I'd love to say to ...I have so many things that I'd love to say to this post (all good, I promise!) but I have a suspicion that it's a discussion for another place, so I will just comment to say I liked this post a lot. I used to read infertility blogs a lot--always wished I could be more a part of the community, but I'm really bad at that--but I never ended up on this one. I haven't read them regularly in a long time, now, and I only just found this blog, but I really wish I had then. The little I've read so far is so kind, and dear. Your voice is a good one to be out there. Please keep going as long as you have the energy and means to do so.emilyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10445546756521231621noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7998166587816121679.post-74330346900861702722017-02-24T12:04:20.364-08:002017-02-24T12:04:20.364-08:00I would say that there is a big difference between...I would say that there is a big difference between adoption and pregnancy (when you are talking about feeling jealous). With pregnancy, you could at least be logical and say just because that person got pregnant doesn't mean that I won't get pregnant. But with adoption, that baby could have been your baby. Does that make sense?<br /><br />Either way, the jealousy is normal. But like you say, you can't sit in the sh*t forever.Non Sequitur Chicahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07268138421234170972noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7998166587816121679.post-9900773947687143842017-02-22T12:08:52.078-08:002017-02-22T12:08:52.078-08:00I like your Valentine's Day/Mother's Day a...I like your Valentine's Day/Mother's Day analogy. I have a friend, divorced, who posted something snarky about Valentine's Day on Facebook. I was tempted to comment, "Now you know how some of us feel on Mother's Day" ;) (but I resisted). I think some jealousy/envy is perfectly normal & understandable. The trick, as you point out, is to acknowledge it but not let it consume us. Like the other commenters, I like your point about the fact that people will encourage us to let those negative feelings go, without acknowledging why we might feel the way we do. Great post! loribethhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09272814565916935113noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7998166587816121679.post-76441609327997508652017-02-21T20:07:54.146-08:002017-02-21T20:07:54.146-08:00Such a good post! The last paragraph really bring...Such a good post! The last paragraph really brings it all together. My favorite part was, " I feel like we live in a society that's all about the letting go but not acknowledging that if you are letting something go, you had to hold it first." A thousand times yes! To really let something go, you have to identify it, acknowledge it and validate the feelings that come along with it.<br /><br />Once upon a time, someone told me that sometimes the bad stuff in our lives has a way of resurfacing. It will always be part of who we are. But, you pick it up, acknowledge it and then let it go. Over time, the reminders or triggers of that bad stuff will likely happen less frequently and as you change and grow, your feelings and response will likely be less intense. You will learn how to pick it up, hold it for a moment and then let it go.<br /><br />Hope your recent bout with tough feelings has resolved.Jamiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06275071143469111072noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7998166587816121679.post-21534803411394311842017-02-20T18:21:46.550-08:002017-02-20T18:21:46.550-08:00Doesn't come across bitter-pantsy at all. Come...Doesn't come across bitter-pantsy at all. Comes across very wise: "But jealousy is like any other tough emotion -- you need to feel it, and acknowledge it, and then let it go."Lori Lavender Luzhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15394441222262940632noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7998166587816121679.post-2405484742640236842017-02-20T09:35:38.096-08:002017-02-20T09:35:38.096-08:00I wrote a long comment on here that must not have ...I wrote a long comment on here that must not have saved. Arg.<br />So I feel like Cristy where I read this at just the write time. I needed to read it and give myself permission to sit in the shit (LOVE that btw) and then get up and let it go. So many things I get so envious of others for. I have to put myself back and realize that I have things others probably wish they had and it all balances out. I also fee like social media perpetuates the jealousy cycle and makes the little green monster roar his ugly head mich more often.Charlottehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08987444437659867827noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7998166587816121679.post-2795241851669722302017-02-20T09:24:55.535-08:002017-02-20T09:24:55.535-08:00I didn't detect a bitter tone to this post, Je...I didn't detect a bitter tone to this post, Jess (just read your comment above). It made me dwell on my thoughts about single people, and how there are "tiers" of not-having - for example, one single friend of mine has never entertained any empathy for me over my infertility travails: as she put it, "I don't even have anyone to be infertile with". I am very wary about putting couple-y stuff on social media because I have several other single friends and I know they feel the same way about couple-posts as I feel (felt) about pregnancy announcements. Lately I've been preoccupied about this when I've been writing blog posts - here's me saying I'm fine with being childfree, but what would I be saying if I had no partner? Can people without partners even relate to what I write at all - am I excluding them, I wonder? Would things be different if I lived alone? I've been distracted by this because I noticed a comment on the Italian blog post that Klara recently wrote about. The piece is "We Mothers Without Children" (she talks about the process of coming to terms with not having children) - the commentor below the post says: "And then if your husband leaves you as well....It's the limit. But I got over this too". The author of the post responds: "Yes, that's another story altogether". It had been in the back of my mind that I have it good, that it could be so much worse, and whether I was acknowledging this enough on my blog... but what can you do, you can't really write for every demographic. But yeah, after infertility I won't post anything that I think might "trigger" someone else, and I would have kept any children stuff (had I had them) private. But is that the right approach - I don't know. Should we have to repress things in this way? And I do agree with you - envy is constructive sometimes: you can take it and make it into something else. I see gushy mother-child posts on Facebook now and I think "get a life" - I've turned my envy into disdain, a bit, for servile parents that obsess over their kids. That's better than envy, I suppose...<br />A thought-provoking post and sorry if I rambled off topic! https://differentshoresblog.wordpress.com/https://www.blogger.com/profile/16936131757889957955noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7998166587816121679.post-82612828176607481162017-02-20T06:44:14.952-08:002017-02-20T06:44:14.952-08:00That's supposed to be a heart, sometimes it wo...That's supposed to be a heart, sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't. It's not some weird mathematical notation... :)Jesshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15868505568965284742noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7998166587816121679.post-14261135016200213442017-02-20T06:43:59.454-08:002017-02-20T06:43:59.454-08:00I'm glad the post speaks to you! After I hit &...I'm glad the post speaks to you! After I hit "publish," I was like, "hmmmm, I wonder if people are going to think I'm bitterpants for this one, or feel like it's too negative." I think that a lot after some posts, even though when I reread them they really aren't so negative after all, just real. To me, at least. :) <br /><br />Yes. I feel like our society is so much about moving on and not getting through, about letting go and not acknowledging the loss or the not-so-attractive feelings that can accompany loss. Letting go and making peace are so important but also so hard. I agree it should be taught and practiced instead of squelched. So often these kinds of feelings are squelched and then you feel guilty for having them, but you can't work through without having and acknowledging these feelings. <br /><br /><3Jesshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15868505568965284742noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7998166587816121679.post-31478302105032272232017-02-19T18:16:28.880-08:002017-02-19T18:16:28.880-08:00Jess, these last posts have come when I'm need...Jess, these last posts have come when I'm needed them. Thank you for writing and sharing so openly.<br /><br />Your final point about society being okay with the letting go, but not acknowledging the thing that is being lost. People want you to move on so they can continue their usual program. The letting go suits them. The first part doesn't because it means that we have to start acknowledging loss. <br /><br />I'm finding that the process of letting go and making peace is something many really don't know how to do. Sure we want people to do so, but it is an involved process that requires time and space to do so. And we need to be taught on how to do so as it's something we've lost the ability to do.Cristyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04317873211902543387noreply@blogger.com