tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7998166587816121679.post3272898629580328590..comments2023-11-19T21:42:17.901-08:00Comments on My Path to Mommyhood: #Microblog Mondays: People Say the Dumbest ThingsJesshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15868505568965284742noreply@blogger.comBlogger21125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7998166587816121679.post-62194097278686424942016-05-26T13:52:19.860-07:002016-05-26T13:52:19.860-07:00UGH! I'm sorry on behalf of human kind. We jus...UGH! I'm sorry on behalf of human kind. We just decided to move on to donor sperm, and I am already getting the "why?"s. I want to just be like "why do you care?" Amyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00585102132829280344noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7998166587816121679.post-11570626451889130962016-05-26T08:55:52.123-07:002016-05-26T08:55:52.123-07:00I'm starting to become resigned to the fact th...I'm starting to become resigned to the fact that there's no stopping people from saying stupid shit. I used to think I could say the right thing and avoid it but nope it's like diarrhea. It's just going to come out. <br /><br />Anyway, the pregnant-after-adopting thing is (you'll probably know the term for this) an example of one of those things that stick in your mind as notable, so it seems more common than it is. So everyone has a story, but that doesn't mean it happens all that much. <br /><br />Statistically, you are equally likely to get pregnant after infertility whether or not you adopt. I can find you the link if that would help. Think I read it on Resolve. Stephaniehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16036165207963542073noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7998166587816121679.post-84831987240508390682016-05-24T20:20:51.745-07:002016-05-24T20:20:51.745-07:00Basically what Mel said.
smile breathe educate r...Basically what Mel said. <br /><br /><i>smile breathe educate repeat</i> must make a body weary. You are wearing it well. Kudos. Middle Girlhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12334580430376973159noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7998166587816121679.post-54279923980378378552016-05-24T18:48:19.371-07:002016-05-24T18:48:19.371-07:00You have a lot of patience. I don't know if I...You have a lot of patience. I don't know if I would be able to get through those conversations without saying something I would probably regret in the future. And it's true -- their intentions are probably good and all they want to do is say the right thing and connect. Lollipop Goldsteinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01020874415819057995noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7998166587816121679.post-27477215123226927882016-05-24T15:17:18.065-07:002016-05-24T15:17:18.065-07:00Seriously! I think sometimes my face says WHAT THE...Seriously! I think sometimes my face says WHAT THE EFF IS WRONG WITH YOU but my mouth says something far more diplomatic and calm. It's so true, a snarky reply would result in no listening to the ACTUAL INFORMATION I can share with them on the realities of family building when you have infertility. I can only hope I spare someone else a stupid comment! :)Jesshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15868505568965284742noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7998166587816121679.post-72327064933981973442016-05-24T15:16:10.003-07:002016-05-24T15:16:10.003-07:00Ha! I love your high-five idea. The thing is, the ...Ha! I love your high-five idea. The thing is, the occasional comment you can shrug off. But when they come and come and come and EVERYONE has an opinion about adoption... argh. Although everyone has an opinion about uteruses, too. High giving with a chair should be a go-to! :)Jesshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15868505568965284742noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7998166587816121679.post-22474408002727454282016-05-24T15:15:03.932-07:002016-05-24T15:15:03.932-07:00Ack, I'm sorry you were hit up by the well-int...Ack, I'm sorry you were hit up by the well-intended but idiotic family conversations as well. Jesshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15868505568965284742noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7998166587816121679.post-69988054896819973072016-05-24T15:14:07.770-07:002016-05-24T15:14:07.770-07:00Thank you so much! Yes, silly indeed. So interesti...Thank you so much! Yes, silly indeed. So interesting how people can be so emphatic in their misconceptions and ridiculous advice. Jesshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15868505568965284742noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7998166587816121679.post-43248175085198710442016-05-24T15:13:10.506-07:002016-05-24T15:13:10.506-07:00They really don't... and they seem to come out...They really don't... and they seem to come out of the woodwork lately. I didn't even touch on all the interesting conversations I've had surrounding open adoption and birthmothers. I think a lot of people are stuck in the 1950s. Jesshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15868505568965284742noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7998166587816121679.post-37316887952080129432016-05-24T15:12:15.907-07:002016-05-24T15:12:15.907-07:00Best. Comment. Ever. Best. Comment. Ever. Jesshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15868505568965284742noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7998166587816121679.post-73305872320341210262016-05-24T15:11:37.472-07:002016-05-24T15:11:37.472-07:00Argghh, I really feel like no experience linked to...Argghh, I really feel like no experience linked to infertility is immune from stupid comments. I'm sorry someone said that to you. And yes, so frustrating! Jesshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15868505568965284742noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7998166587816121679.post-8255968281252325972016-05-24T14:39:43.750-07:002016-05-24T14:39:43.750-07:00Oh, good grief. I'm impressed that you're ...Oh, good grief. I'm impressed that you're able to see that people are trying to connect with you, even clumsily. That can get lost in the inanity, can't it? Such a good phrase: "It is not a causal relationship."Lori Lavender Luzhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15394441222262940632noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7998166587816121679.post-66779858373245581472016-05-24T10:12:04.855-07:002016-05-24T10:12:04.855-07:00Oh man the things that come out of people's mo...Oh man the things that come out of people's mouths. Once in a while it would be nice to be able to shout WHAT THE EFF IS WRONG WITH YOU but then the person may not listen to the education that you have to give them. Hopefully they learn from the conversation and don't say the same thing to someone else!Non Sequitur Chicahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07268138421234170972noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7998166587816121679.post-47546203992828531342016-05-24T08:34:33.352-07:002016-05-24T08:34:33.352-07:00Call me crazy, but after reading those remarks, I&...Call me crazy, but after reading those remarks, I'm not seeing a problem with screaming, "WHAT THE EFF IS WRONG WITH YOU???" <br /><br />*sigh*<br /><br />I'm sorry people suck sometimes. You're being a much bigger person than I would probably be. *hugs*internetg33khttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12672869878789920528noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7998166587816121679.post-66620728228141046402016-05-24T06:46:48.447-07:002016-05-24T06:46:48.447-07:00I have learned how to get past so many hurtful thi...I have learned how to get past so many hurtful things in this journey. Pregnancy announcements, insensitive people, etc. One thing that still gets me going is "If you just do (insert random thing here) you'll get pregnant." Or once you relax, you'll get pregnant. Once you adopt, you'll get pregnant. Once you use donor eggs, you'll get pregnant with your "OWN CHILD". That one is my new un-favorite. Some people just need a high five...to the face...with a chair ;)Lavonne @ the OCD infertilehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17506595995853364027noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7998166587816121679.post-45071158940836023822016-05-24T05:39:49.939-07:002016-05-24T05:39:49.939-07:00It might have been the same (well-meaning, friendl...It might have been the same (well-meaning, friendly, but definitely misguided) guest who asked Romeyn and I how many children we have (two) and then proceeded to ask me when I was pregnant (um, NO, NOT how I got my bonus-children...but thanks for bringing THAT up...). I gritted my teeth, bit my tongue, and told her what we would have gotten to anyway...that these are my stepchildren, my bonus-children, my hearts. Seriously, folks...you don't have to give birth to a child to be a parent!!! Grr. Pay no attention to people who can't be bothered to realize that this is the truth.Amanda Prescotthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11709979610638621806noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7998166587816121679.post-17978788475923665072016-05-24T03:56:13.084-07:002016-05-24T03:56:13.084-07:00Oh man! so sorry you are having to deal with these...Oh man! so sorry you are having to deal with these silly conversations and you are right about advise people give. I always feel people don't even realize how awful their words of wisdom could me ;)<br /><br />Stopping by after a long time Jess and I want that phone to ring soon :)Parulhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14933210393492294463noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7998166587816121679.post-4685377336899816872016-05-24T02:28:21.531-07:002016-05-24T02:28:21.531-07:00Wow sorry to hear those rude comments. Some people...Wow sorry to hear those rude comments. Some people haven't a clue.dublinerinDeutschlandhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14804856792598440633noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7998166587816121679.post-83767787658971354372016-05-23T17:13:43.228-07:002016-05-23T17:13:43.228-07:00You're right about them trying to connect. But...You're right about them trying to connect. But oh, how I wish there was more education about infertility, fertility treatments and paths of resolution. <br /><br />Fact: adoption is not a fertility treatment. Adopting will not resolve the biological reasons for why a couple can't conceive. <br /><br />Fact: most women who chose not to abort go on to parent. The decision to adopt is not a default to abortion (parenting is). It's a very different mind-set, with the process being very thoughtful.<br /><br />Fact: Surrogacy is not easy. Outside of a lot of legal hoops to jump through, there's also the grieving that comes with this process. It's such a misunderstood process and yet people who have never faced it throw it out there as a great option.<br /><br />Final fact: people's reproductive choices are NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS! Just as it is considered rude to offer someone advice on their medical care, so too is it rude to weigh in on this topic. Offer support, listen, but never ask prying questions. <br /><br />*steps off soapbox*Cristyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04317873211902543387noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7998166587816121679.post-88509760907701269972016-05-23T17:04:48.306-07:002016-05-23T17:04:48.306-07:00Oh. My. Heavens. I'm so sorry you're havi...Oh. My. Heavens. I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this. WHY, why do people SAY these things?! I mean, you're right about ignorance/well-meaning/urban legend thing, but it doesn't make it any less frustrating.<br /><br />Someone recently told me that surely my infertility issues were "fixed" once I had a baby, as though I'd be able to conceive anytime I wanted now. There are times I'm amazed at how much the ignorance surrounding infertility continues even with so much more information available. Like you say, smile, breathe, educate, repeat...Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7998166587816121679.post-37391455594016742542016-05-23T17:03:23.901-07:002016-05-23T17:03:23.901-07:00Argh! These would drive me nuts!
I think your par...Argh! These would drive me nuts!<br /><br />I think your paragraph after relating the conversation with the therapist would have been a perfect response to her. As a therapist, she should know better than to say such stupid things!<br /><br />The posthumous offers to be surrogate parents are simply ways for that person to turn the subject back to them, I think. A subtle way to say, "I had no problems!" Yuck.Malihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03928262526502319303noreply@blogger.com